Taylor Hanson gives Iha competition for girliest-looking band member.

4. Billy Corgan fights at show with a fan who claims that the Pumpkins “no longer rock.”

According to Rolling Stone: “This prompted Corgan to bring a female audience member onstage and [he] referred to her as ‘James Iha,’ then asked the faux-Iha what she’s been up to.” Amazing. (This took place in late 2008, but I talked about it for two months so it still counts.)

3. D’arcy Wretzky randomly calls Chicago radio station.

The second-most-feminine Pumpkin talks about how Marilyn Manson’s parents kept dead rats in their freezer, among other amusing anecdotes.

2. Corgan dates Tila Tequila.

When I first saw the pictures, I just thought he and James Iha were buddies again.

1. The Pumpkins hire a 19-year-old Berklee College of Music student as new drummer.

“We just kind of jammed for about 15 minutes and then talked about Fugazi for the other 15 or so minutes.” Mike Byrne, I hate you. Also, James Iha looks like a girl.

—Jeffrey W. Feldman is the outgoing Music Editor and incoming Arts Chair. “Tales of a Scorched Earth: The Smashing Pumpkins Saga,” a 19-hour celebration of the Pumpkins’ discography, airs in the early mornings of December 16-18 on 95.3fm WHRB Cambridge.

BEST SONGS TO PUCK TO

When first elected to The Crimson Arts Board, I was asked for my favorite pick-up line. Ask me the same question now, and my answer is slightly, but significantly, different.

“Nice shoes. Wanna Puck?”

Now when I need a pick-me-up, I don’t turn to the pleasures of the flesh. Oh no. I turn to the pleasures of the pet. My pet. The world’s best. With rockin’ hair and an attitude, he’s the perfect incarnation of hip and hop. And to set the mood I turn on a few tunes that’ll make your nose twitch with the best of them. You know you want to.

5. Deerhoof: “Basketball Get Your Groove Back” - “Bunny jump! Bunny jump! Bunny! Bunny! Bunny jump!”