('

{shortcode-c4e748233036254480753f19eb4dba37f3f1ad68}Every season is spooky season when you go to Harvard and have a monstrous amount of scary psets, papers, and readings piling up every week. Take this quiz to judge whether your scholarly scares have prepared you to survive the horrors of Haunted Harvard. Will you be the genius who beats the system or will you be dead in the first five minutes?

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You are cramming the day before your menacing Stat 110 midterm, and you hear a strange sound outside your dorm. What do you do?

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A) Text the House GroupMe about it

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B) Call HUPD

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C) Abandon your Pomodoro timer 5 minutes into studying and take a clearly much-needed 50-minute break to investigate

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D) Ignore it and turn up the volume of your Lofi playlist

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You live in Winthrop, and your friend in Mather has vanished and has not been seen since the Head of the Charles. When HUPD was searching her room, they found an old, creepy doll that did seem out of place. It’s late at night, and you’re getting sleepy after a long day of lectures. What do you do?

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A) Take a power nap because you can’t resist the comfort of your mattress topper, and you’re not risking being the next victim

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B) Chug one of the Red Bulls generously delivered to your dorm, and go look for your friend

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C) Get in the shower because your top priority right now is beating your roommates to the in-suite bathroom - the missing person is just a friend, not a blockmate!

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D) Put on a crime show and try to put your Harvard education to use by playing detective and seeing if you can make any connections to your friend’s case

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You’re a course assistant for Math 1b, and none of the regulars come to Sunday night MQC. What weapon do you bring with you to check what might be going on?

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A) Your loaded backpack that is the sole cause of your everlasting back pain

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B) Someone’s speedy electric scooter that you spot by the door, finders keepers!

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C) The dinner knife that you accidentally took from a dining hall two years ago and keep with you but never get around to returning

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D) You don’t need a weapon - your intramural participation has prepared you for this moment

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Your mind has been scrambled with trying to keep track of your assignments for classes and responsibilities for clubs, so your judgment has been questionable. Which classic horror movie mistake do you make?

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A) You think you hear a voice whisper that you’re being watched while you’re in a lecture, but you dismiss it as your sleep-deprived-induced imagination

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B) Your roommate says that they have to move their laundry, and they’ll be right back, but they have been gone for a while, and you haven’t checked on them

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C) You suggest that you and your friend take a walk as a study break, but you wander too close to the Quad and end up somewhere with no cell service and no idea how to get back

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D) You think that campus seems oddly quiet on a Friday night, so you suggest that you and your friends split up to find where the parties are

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You realize that there’s no getting out of this scot-free, and you have no choice but to fight. Which enemy of yours would you rather face?

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A) The section kid determined to be the ultimate teacher’s pet — you know the type

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B) A yucky, snobby Y*le student —you know the type

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C) An unmoved instructor who grades on a curve :(

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D) A deranged turkey roaming Harvard Yard

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Results

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Mostly A’s: You Survive Haunted Harvard!

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You’re the lucky survivor who gets to live with the unforgettable experience of losing everyone you love. You sure know the keys to survival: avoiding tourists, swerving the Bible groups in Harvard Square, and finding the superior office hours, of course. Even if you may not have been able to survive the notorious premed weed-out classes, you can rest assured that you can survive Harvard gone haunted, but at what cost?

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Mostly B’s: You Die the Day Before Commencement

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This is awkward. You may have taken our beloved token phrase of “here for a good time, not a long time” a little too seriously. You knew to trust your instinct, but then things took a sharp turn. It was nice while it lasted.

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Mostly C’s: You Die in the Middle of Your Chem 17 Midterm

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So close to the finish line, yet so far. On the bright side, at least now we can test the theory that if someone dies during an exam, all the other students present pass. We thank you for your service to the Harvard student body.

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Mostly D’s: You Die On the First Day of Classes

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I hate to break it to you, but you’re the idiotic character in the horror movie who ignores all the glaringly obvious red flags and practically hands themselves over to the killer with the poor choices that they make. Your gullibility, from tripping on thin air to deciding to hang around in creepy places, is frustrating to no end. When will you ever learn?

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('

{shortcode-7b457b43c95485ae21cabb9152641743eb1aa02a}Last weekend, much of Black Harvard trekked down to D.C. for the Howard vs. Harvard football game. Some flew, some drove, but most rode the charter bus that the amazing Black Students Association put together. As someone who really struggled with choosing a PWI (Predominantly White Institution) over an HBCU (Historically Black College and University), this weekend had high expectations—this was my time to soak in what I missed out on but also experience a new place with most of my besties. So, let’s talk about it.

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Friday, October 14

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Friday morning, two buses were scheduled to leave at 6 a.m. However, the buses did not arrive until around 6:30 because BSA planned for CPT (iykyk). I think this is the only situation in which lying is permissible. We left around 6:45 for the scheduled 8 hour drive to DC. A lot of us slept halfway, only waking when we arrived at the two rest stops for food. *Sidenote: Remind me to later write about the absurd inflation of food on highway rest stops.* As true Harvard students, of course, a number of us did homework along the way. With long rest stops because 50 people ordered food, the snail’s pace of a big ass bus, and the Baltimore and D.C. traffic, the eight hour journey actually took about 12 hours. We made it to the hotel around 6 p.m., and I don't think I’ve ever been happier to walk into a room that was to be shared with four other people. Our lateness forced us to miss the concert we were supposed to attend on Howard’s campus that night, but this did not kill our spirits. So, I took off the sweats that felt incredibly disgusting after eating Popeyes on my lap, and got dressed *in the outfit I specifically planned for this weekend because they were not gonna catch me looking crazy at an HBCU (again, iykyk).*

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We had about three hours to kill until the parties started, so I snuck off with Bae (yes, love can exist at this school) to explore D.C. a bit. We found a very yummy Thai restaurant within walking distance and then did what every other tourist does in D.C.: stared at the White House for 20 minutes. My fourth time standing there didn’t disappoint. Later, we headed to Howard for a house party. It had been pubbed as ladies get in free before 11 p.m., but when I got there, I had to pay $3 on Cashapp to get in (lol fine i guess). The party had extreme turnout and amazing music, but it was a bit too crowded for my liking. As in, I kept getting a mouthful of this one girl’s hair. So, we dipped to another. This one had a more low key vibe, but ended up being really fun. I danced, vibed, and then stumbled back to the hotel around 1 a.m. We had a big day ahead.

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Saturday, October 15

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I woke up to the smell of scented lotion and Dove soap. Everyone knows getting ready with your girls is more fun than the actual event. Makeup and fit advice, hair checks, dancing while shaving armpits: these are the moments I live for. After this joyed-chaos, we were finally dressed at 11 a.m. My roommate and I chugged a Mike’s Hard and then went down to fill up on the overpriced hotel breakfast. When we got to Howard for the tailgating, it hadn’t quite started (even though we arrived 30 minutes after the expected start time). So, my friends and I toured campus wearing our overpriced Harvard Shop merch. All of the Howard students we ran into were extremely welcoming: stopping us to talk, complimenting us as we walked by, giving us directions, etc. Suddenly, I started feeling a hint of guilt for the blank stares I often give Harvard tourists on my way to class.

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When the tailgating eventually started, it was lit. It was different from normal awk Harvard tailgates (I guess we had to up our game). Catered food, lots of drinks, and lots of line dancing. We had a good time. When we eventually got to the game, a lot of us were too tired to fully tune in. The game itself was not my favorite pastime, but I thoroughly enjoyed watching Howard’s cheerleaders and band. The halftime show was *chef’s kiss* with a band that dances while playing instruments and majorettes tearing up the field. It was a great finale for me because I left after halftime (haha). A nap was needed. We, however, did win the game, so Go Crimson.

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Later that night, the party began again. This one was hosted at a venue, and a lot of us had purchased our tickets before we even got to D.C. I cannot give you the words to describe how fun it was. Actual dancing, Greeks strolling, super crowded but able to move, bar in venue: There was nothing more I could’ve asked for. Though it was a Howard party (and believe me there was some jealousy that this is their every weekend), this moment is when I started to appreciate Harvard for giving me the people I came with — I’d choose you guys a million times over <3

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The party ended around 1 a.m. and the attempt to attend another after will not be written about for the public record. Shoutout to the three people there with me; we got through it, y’all.

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Sunday, October 16

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The morning after. BSA planned a brunch for us at a Black owned restaurant to end the weekend (perfect ending right?). Yummy food and good music soothed the hangovers and a few of us got in some last-minute sightseeing before heading off. Along the way, we played a fun game of How-Many-of-These-Statued-Men-Owned-Slaves. It turned out to be a lot less than we thought. After a group pic in front of the White House, we headed back to the buses for our journey back to Cambridge. It again took 12 hours, and at 12 a.m., we were finally happy to see the filthy Charles. As we turned onto Mount Auburn Street, my bus played “I’m Coming Home” to truly appreciate this specific moment.

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Overall, my weekend at Howard was an experience I’ll never forget. Though a lot of us wish we had some of the experiences that come with attending an HBCU, Harvard definitely has its benefits and I think we all appreciated the ability to do this together. It wouldn’t have been possible without the board of our Black Students Association. So thank you, BSA and Roll Crim <3

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Let’s not pretend Halloween is about anything other than looking hot. Spooky decorations, candy, yada yada, BORING. It’s all about the sexy nurses and the sexy cats. Mean Girls spelled it out for us, after all. But we also can’t forget for one minute that we go to such a prestigious institution. So, we’ve compiled a list of Harvard-themed sexy Halloween costumes so you can look both hot and self-referential on the big night.

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Sexy John Harvard

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We know him, we love him, we’ll love you dressed as him. Yellow shoes are a must.

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{shortcode-0ac0383cb8728e438d46c58a056bafd45987f7ea}

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Sexy Remy

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A Harvard twist on the classic sexy cat.

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{shortcode-59fc5115ed9b556c2ef640375c9833f5b5e17543}

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Red and His Best Fresh Catch

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A couples costume for the ages!

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{shortcode-63b69eba444ff1d8ed14c43a02922f92968ca790}

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Sexy Stat 110 Midterm

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Sexy and terrifying!

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{shortcode-e735f773a04297fe2f5e9171f6ba79eab2d280bb}

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HUDS Three Bean Chili (Group Costume)

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Another HUDS classic!

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{shortcode-532ab706fd196c2efdf8bd5c06cbadbbab784bc9}

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Sexy Loker Reading Room

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For the strong and silent type.

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{shortcode-371bbb7800e336ec711566417983bc801136bac3}

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Sexy Annenberg Renovations

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Berg’s beef fajita fettuccine alfredo isn’t the only thing people are going to be eating if you show up to the function in this fit.

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{shortcode-aa6b13f29092a350eba13b7d6b52d32ea9965690}

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Regular Dean Khurana

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This iconic aesthetic doesn’t need any changes. But leather pants can’t hurt.

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Take our advice, and you’re sure to have the best Halloweekend of your life. Happy spooky season!

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{shortcode-d5b14c3d084571b556acba80db873c3ec55b7f88}

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Our dearest Berg is a place where all first-years should feel welcome. But after pulling excessively hard on the one door that doesn’t open and fumbling with your ID as the hangry post-Ec10 lunch line forms behind you, there is one more obstacle left before you can enjoy your meal: simply, where the heck do you sit? Don’t worry, we gotchu. Here’s the game plan for finding the perfect seat:

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1. Scope It Out

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We know you’re hungry, and we know you have your eyes locked on the boom-boom sauce, but it’s vital that you do some recon. Take note of any weak points in the armor (i.e. tables where everyone is spaced a few seats apart and you can all eat alone together). It is important that you do not panic or abort the mission. Later when you’re balancing your cup of oat milk, blue Powerade, and all the utensils you took thinking you were going to get soup, you’ll be thankful you know the lay of the land.

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2. Lock onto a Target

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Allow yourself a maximum of thirty seconds for this step. You don’t want to be that person standing there awkwardly like a lost tourist. Not to mention that people will jab you in the back with their trays if you block their way (not speaking from experience, or anything). Dig deep into the recesses of your memory to find a face you recognize. No connection is too weak, so think Visitas, pre-o, or even that kid who uses you as a shield while they sleep in lecture.

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3. Take the Scenic Route

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This alternative approach is basically buying you time. Time for you to notice your suitemate tucked away by the exit, or the girl from your hometown meet-up who you haven’t gotten to actually talk to yet. This is also a chance for people to notice you, so put a little swagger in your walk. If someone shouts your name at any point during this step, you’ve officially been saved. Please give this special friend all of your tater tots for the rest of the semester.

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4. Be Brave

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We know coming up to someone new (or god forbid a group of new people) can be intimidating. But just remember that everyone has been in your shoes at one point or another. Be basic — start with the Harvard intro: name, hometown, and dorm. Then move on to the spicier stuff. What’s going down in Tasty Basty this weekend? Does anyone know your section crush? Is CS50 all just a conspiracy? You’ll likely find that you have a lot more in common with your new friends, besides just the time you eat dinner.

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Whether or not you find your future spouse at a random Annenberg table, or even if you immediately forget the person you ate with as soon as you step out of the dhall, your first year at Harvard is all about meeting new people. Now add some veggies to your plate, grab a drink, and don’t drop your tray — because then, even we can’t help you.

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('

{shortcode-ec33dc1f19acbf83cdc7d1c350a2f6ad9f576a0a}We get it. We’re all trudging through the nebulous five weeks that constitute midterm season. We can barely do readings, let alone function as human beings. But it’s been two months now since we moved in, and we’re already well into spooky season. There are certain things that we (including you, yes, you!) just have to get done. It’s tough to keep track of everything, so we’ve ever-so-helpfully distilled all those tasks into a to-do list for your convenience. Let us help you help yourself.

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Get your shots!!!

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Stop right now and go to the HUHS website. Sign up for a flu shot and a bivalent booster. I got both of mine on the same day, and it didn’t even suck that much. I got myself Panera afterward because I was very very brave. Have you made your appointment yet? You have to do it by mid-November. Do it. Do it now.

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Wash your sheets.

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Hopefully, you’ve done this already, but we’re not here to shame you. It’ll be quick. Make it a party with all your suitemates. Help each other with your duvet covers. Don’t forget your pillowcase!

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Wash your water bottle.

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“But how can water make a bottle dirty?” MOLD. Think of the mold. Just get some hot water and dish soap up in there. It’s possible to wash out the grime while preserving the emotional support.

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Take out your trash and recycling.

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You do not want a readily-available mouse house in your dorm, and trash does not spark joy. Get to that trash room. And remember to separate your recycling!

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Clean your suite.

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Yes, this includes your bathroom. Use that complimentary toilet brush. Borrow a vacuum. Put on some music and have an Amy Adams in “Enchanted” moment. Is that persistent cough really the “frat flu,” or is it just your dorm room covered in a thick layer of dust?

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Figure out your plan for winter break.

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Do you need to book a flight/bus/train? Arrange for winter housing? Beg your mega-rich friend to let you visit their chalet in the Alps? Get on that.

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Figure out your Halloween costume(s).

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You have a little over a week to figure it out, and especially group costumes take forever to decide on. Get to the Garment District before all the good stuff is gone! More content on this coming, but Mario, Sexy Cat, and the Scooby Gang are always good backup options.

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Check your mailbox.

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If you, like me, did not realize that the upperclassmen houses don’t necessarily send you an email when they receive your paper mail like the first-year mail center did, then you probably need to do this one. Who knows what your mailbox has in store for you? I had an absentee ballot and a letter from my grandma. Speaking of…

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Make sure you’re registered to vote!

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Do this one ASAP. Midterms (the nationally important ones, not your overblown p-set) are coming up. Figure out who you’re voting for, order an absentee ballot if you need one, and get ready for November 8. What’s the point of being a Future Leader of the World if you aren’t doing your civic duty? International students, you can skip this one. Consider it repayment for all that time you spend on planes.

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Call your parents/guardians/grandparents/siblings/friends from home.

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Believe it or not, just because you’re on campus doesn’t mean you’ve been erased from your loved ones’ memories. All it takes is a 15-minute slot in the Gcal and a quick few taps on your phone. Obviously, use your discretion, but make sure to stay in touch with the people with whom you want to stay in touch.

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You can knock these all out in an afternoon. And these are great because they’re a way for you to procrastinate studying with something arguably more productive in the grand scheme of things. You can’t get work done if you’re buried in your own filth and/or laid up in Mount Auburn because your water bottle is poisoning you. Take care of yourself!

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Getting into the proper Halloween spirit is a very delicate, all-encompassing process. Whether you choose to do so by staging elaborate pranks on your suitemates come Oct. 31, planning 5 and ½ solo and group costumes, or filling your lungs solely with the sweet scent of candy-corn-midnight-ghost-tears-maple-jack-o'-lantern candles, we don’t judge. Use this playlist as the soundtrack to whatever spooky season endeavors you take on this year.

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('

{shortcode-ecb04503ff7477596cdb127de86cd874c3abfa10}Every Ivy parties in…how should I say this…its own particularly interesting way. Dartmouth throws underground parties — cool. Princeton opts for their eating clubs — bougie, I guess? Cornell and Penn attempt to live up to their state school rep with good ol’ greek life — basic. (And Brown has intentionally been omitted due to lack of information because,,, yeah). To each their own, but if we’re being honest here, we have something that all of our so-called competitors are truly missing out on. And no way am I talking about Harvard’s final clubs — we’re talking Tasty Basty.

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So what is Tasty Basty, you ask? If you don’t know, either you’ve been hiding under a rock or you just got to campus (hey first-years <3). Tasty Basty, otherwise known as The Tasty Burger Basement, is Harvard’s newest glorious landmark. With its musty aromatic scent, filthy sparkling floors, and overall absurdity grandeur, this go-to party spot on 40 JFK Street is pretty top-notch.

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Outside of the typical DFMOs, sweaty basement mosh pits, and the infamous electric shuttle incident of Spring 2022, let’s recap the most absurd things that have happened in Tasty Basty.

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1. “Visitasty”

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Indicators of Spring at Harvard: rain pouring, flowers blooming, and Visitas children flooding campus. In order to maximize this “welcome to Harvard—please come here” experience last spring, Tasty Burger basement hosted a rager. What more could a pre-frosh want than paying a $5 entrance fee for a moist basement filled with future classmates?!?!??! I heard this one was incredible. I’m just so sad to have missed this epic Tuesday throwdown. </3

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2. The Harvard Rowing Team Takeover

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POV: you spend more time in the basement of a fast food restaurant than on the Charles practicing your sport. The rowing team has basically claimed Tasty Basty as their own They even went so far as to create Tasty Burger-themed merch with their very own genius slogan, TBBBC – “Tasty Burger Basement Boatclub.” Kk.

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3. My Halloween Experience

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Let’s set the stage: Tasty Burger basement. Halloween night. A mild 101℉. The rowers threw, the student body gathered, and everyone dressed up. Most people sported cute costumes with minimal fabric. Others took a more dressing-up-is-suggested-but-not-required stance. I, however, was dressed to the nines (not). To compliment my beloved upperclassman teammate going as the Disney princess, Belle, I was required to attend TBB Halloween as the Beast……. wearing a hot, full-length, thick fur onesie paired with a shaggy wig, sideburns, and a painted-on unibrow and beard. I knew it was bad when my casual “Hey guys!” was met with screams and questions such as, “Uh do you even go here???”

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4. Having an actual meal in Tasty Burger

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A rare occurrence. I’d bet my $5 entrance fee 10 bucks you haven’t done it.

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{shortcode-0ed9f0650e449b90ebabfe90a494f8f3130dcfd8} So. You’re bummed because you bought a cute summer outfit in August and never got to wear it. Well, what are you upset about? Put it on, and bust out your shades and sandals while you’re at it, because Flyby’s about to teach you the truth about the cold weather: you can literally just ignore it. Here’s our guide to how.*

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Remember: Cuffing season is a conspiracy

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As we all know, cuffing season was invented by the overlords. They want to convince us that we’re feeling sad and cold emotionally as a ruse to make us feel sad and cold physically. You think you want a real relationship? Please. What next? You want hot soup and a blanket? Chin up and jackets off, girlboss! Keep flaking on your section kid who won’t stop asking to grab a meal with you. It sounds contradictory, but old hearts create warmth.

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Don’t give into the temptations of hot drinks

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If you start ordering hot coffee, you’re admitting that you’re feeling cold and want to warm up. That means you let the cold win! Get up, soldier — keep ordering those iced vanilla lattes at Buckminster’s and assert your dominance over nature. You’re. Not. Cold.

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Never put away your summer clothes

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“Summer clothes,” “winter clothes,” what do they all have in common? If you’re thinking “helpful suggestions to maintain homeostasis,” you’re actually wrong. They’re social constructs. What’s the worst that could happen if you wear shorts in subfreezing temperatures besides normies judging you? Nothing (or at least, nothing you’ll be able to feel)! If you put away your summer clothes, you’ll accept that the cold is here to stay. In other words, you concede defeat!

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Weather warnings are just warnings!

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Wind chill warnings, winter weather warnings, they’re all just that: warnings. If they were mandatory, they would be called orders. I mean, put on your coat and gloves if you want, but I’m just saying — this ain’t lecture attendance. Missing three of these will not drop your score by one letter grade.

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Learn from the greats

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What do “Thriller” and “All I Want For Christmas Is You” have in common? Neither song ever says the word “cold” — at least, not in the context of the weather! If MJ and Mariah weren’t cold, why should you be cold?

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You should be feeling warmer already! Congratulations on successfully seeing through society’s lies. We hope the joy of this discovery keeps your heart as warm as the rest of your body. <3

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*Disclaimer: If you take our advice, Flyby Blog cannot take responsibility for any of the often overwhelming side effects of enlightenment. These side effects may include sniffling, coughing, a runny nose, chills, your skin sprouting new and interesting colors, and a field trip to Mt. Auburn Hospital.

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{shortcode-7057964858ad22dd38f55f7594c35a1bb4e8c0f2}Whether it’s one of the many pre professional clubs you’ve attempted to join this semester, the internship you’re trying to secure for next summer (next year???), or even the Harvard College Wine Society (tbh idk if they actually reject people, but they do have refined taste), I just KNOW you’ve had at least one email along these lines pop up in your inbox:

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“While we were very impressed with your application and qualifications, we regret to inform you that we cannot offer you [insert position here] at this time. We hope you’ll consider applying for this position again in the future and wish you luck in your future endeavors”

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Tough.

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But I feel you. Getting this email is just annoying.

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Because Dear-Everything-That-I’ve-Been-Rejected-From-Ever, I wish you would be honest and just say it: “We didn’t want YOU so too bad” or “Sorry you suck,,, be BETTER” instead of hitting me with more polite euphemisms than a Harvard admin delivering bad news. Because do you?? Do you really wish me luck in my future endeavors? And if you were so impressed with my qualifications, why didn’t you just give me the job?? And listen, I know I’m qualified. I’m SO qualified. In fact, I took LS1a.*

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*Note from the editor: the writer in question did not actually take LS1a #explainsalot

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So for all of you that have been in these shoes, next time you get hit with one of these emails, 1) don’t give up because, as your mother tells you, you ARE a star, and 2) keep reading for an effective way to respond to your rejection letter. Because maybe they didn’t want you (#rude), but you still deserve the chance to hit them with a spicy reply and mic-drop moment before you make peace with the fact that you will, regretfully, not be part of a Particular College Consulting Group this semester.

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Email template:

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Dear Person Reading This Email,

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While I am very not impressed with this copy-pasta email you sent me and the fact that you didn’t want me (because I’m pretty cool), I regret to inform you that I will be pretending that I never got this email. Because I didn’t think it was very nice. And also, as I said, I’m pretty cool. I took LS1a.

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It’s too bad for you that you don’t want me to join your org, because now you’ll never know my quirky icebreaker fact that I took three hours to come up with. It’s also too bad for me because I’ll never have the chance to learn exactly what Consulting/Finance/Wine is. But that’s also fine I guess because you just shamed inspired me to remember that nonprofit I started in high school for my college application for the good of society, and now I’m going to be a better person right after my next punch event.

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All this being said, I still don’t like rejection and I’m giving you one more chance to take me back. Otherwise, I will be very sad. For what it’s worth, my mom agrees with me and thinks I deserve this job too.

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Yours in unhappiness,

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*Insert name here*

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I have no data to back up this claim, but I can guarantee that this email reply will win over at least a few of the cold-hearted people who rejected you. However, I cannot be held responsible for whatever happens to you when you decide to send this email, so, in the rare occurrence of a blocking, roasting, or permanent blacklisting, you’re on your own.

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In all seriousness, rejection SUCKS. And getting an impersonal rejection email sucks even more. Just know that as hard as it seems to believe sometimes, there is a club, group, or internship out there that is the right fit for you! Rejection happens to all of us, but remember to keep your head up and not take it too personally — you are a star, and it’s not just your mom telling you that, it’s a Flyby Blog guarantee, too <3

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{shortcode-6eaabfbacff232690ef7858a530168de99d0513f}From Hemmingway to the MAC and QRAC, there are countless Harvard students getting their life together by working out and prioritizing their health. But not every student is the same. In fact, after spending a week-ish watching people at the gym (nope, not creepy at all), Flyby has done all of the work so you don’t have to — here are seven types of Harvard students you’re bound to run into at the gym.

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1. The Senior/The Hottie

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This person knows what they’re doing. They have all of their workouts listed on their phone in one of their six health/fitness related apps. And yes, they have abs and calves we can only dream of. They’re most likely your gym crush and radiating senior who has their shit together energy.

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2. The Hoggers

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I really don’t know why they won’t share the weights. No clue why they have to use the same machine for an hour, only to switch to another machine and sweat all over that one for an hour too. No queue of people waiting for the treadmill or disappointed glances can shake a hogger who will do exactly what they set out to do — with a protein shake in hand.

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3. The Mirror-Obsessed

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These people are always checking themselves out — but can we blame them? We all love a good progress photo or two. The problem begins when they start to think that everyone at the gym is also obsessed with them. Or when they start trying to pick up dates. As you’re on the treadmill. Nexxxxxt!

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4. The Multi-Taskers

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I don’t think this is safe, but I’ve seen multiple students read books while exercising. Yes, I’m talking about flipping through text books while running on the treadmill. Most commonly seen in Hemenway, the law school gym, the multi-taskers can also be seen catching up on shows or assigned movies for their seminars while burning off that day's calories. While not safe, one can agree that Harvard students know how to maximize their time efficiently.

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5. The Sleepers

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It always starts with a prolonged closing of the eyes — a long-lasting blink at best. Then, the blink turns into a little “let me take a quick cat-nap on the treadmill.” This inevitably turns into a full, deep slumber... So far, we’ve witnessed at least two people snoring on the elliptical.

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6. The People Watchers

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Us. Flyby. And perhaps everyone who is looking to get cuffed this semester (or even a senior thesis writer). All these people want to do is just get to know what everyone is doing and why, but actually exercising? That’s debatable.

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7. You (Our Fave)

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You at the gym is a possibility or maybe it’s already a reality. Perhaps we stalked you this week, or maybe we didn’t. Not to put any pressure on you, but we hope if you decide to go to the gym, you go well-rested, work out using the machines respectfully, or just go people watch — that’s okay too.

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\r\nYeah, we’re not sure if we’ll return to the gym again either. But, at least you’ll know what to expect if you decide to, you know, hit the gym.

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{shortcode-07f3e22ff4de4ea3465605b3f3ac532dbce823fb}We all dread the words, “group project.” They just are not fun for anyone. Well, that’s a lie. They’re super fun for all of the people who are going to pass off your work as their own. Will that end up happening to you this time around? Use this flowchart to find out.

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{shortcode-fb9357a4fd824ae75d59fef9ff8143618c17dde7} This is my (in)formal petition that Harvard needs to create more ~study~ spaces on campus because at this point I can name more not-so-secret-secret-societies than locations to pull an all nighter grind out a paper at this school.

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You may be asking, “What’s so bad about current study spots?”

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Cabot Library

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No matter what time of day it is you’ll hear freshmen yelling over their overdue psets while complaining about how Cabot is *freezing*. As an upperclassman, I may look like a freshman but there is no way I’m risking catching the freshmen plague to study at this disruptive, crowded space filled with wide-eyed 18 year-olds who are pulling consecutive all-nighters.

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Lamont Library

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Lamont is truly what I imagine the concept of depression to be in architectural form. When I come there I end up staring at a yellow wall, instead of doing my neuroscience pset. Something about Lamont makes me want to ponder the concept of human existence, have my mid-life crisis at the ripe age of 19, and fall into a deep sleep all at the same time.

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Widener Library

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Whenever doing anything at Widener, I feel like I’m an undercover spy under constant surveillance. It feels like all eyes are on me every minute I spend there. Pulling out a chair makes this loud scratchy nose that breaks the utter silence that was once in place, and you have distracted *everyone*. On that note, I promise you I spent more time checking if my airpods are connected than studying at Widener because I don’t want any more attention from these people than I have already suffered from. Hot take: this famous library definitely has more use as a photoshoot location than as a proper study location.

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Smith Campus Center

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I come here to romanticize my studying but then I simply fall ~asleep~ in the comfy tenth floor chairs along with everyone else up there. I swear it’s something about those chairs.

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Dining Halls

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Here me out: I love people, but the dhall is too people-y. Please don’t come talk to me when I am ~gracefully~ trying to finish a p-set due in one hour.

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House Libraries

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A glorified, pretty room with desks and chairs, who wouldn’t come here to study? If I wanted to study in a crowded little room, I may have more luck doing so in a tiny hallway double. Seeing the same sad people with the same deadened look in their eyes doesn’t exactly do wonders for the typical studious student.

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I’m manifesting more study spaces for you and your friends, so you have one less excuse to procrastinate on that p-set. We’re in this together <3.

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{shortcode-da58689fb4f5256528b8aa4f25c23966435faed6} First-years: it’s been over a month since you first met the perfect stranger(s) Harvard promised you’d get along with. Maybe you immediately clicked, or maybe their ability to live in filth and inability to replace the toilet paper in your in-suite bathroom have pushed you to consider transferring to Yale. Either way, it’s important to check in on how your roomie connection is doing. Here’s a list of questions you can ask to test how well you know each other. It’s like 36 Questions That Lead to Love, except the goal doesn’t have to be love, just mutual tolerance. So grab some popcorn and promise me that you’ll still “live well together” no matter how badly this goes.

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1. What classes are they taking this semester?

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2. What is a spot around campus where you can usually find them?

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3. What is one of their favorite books or movies?

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4. What is their biggest pet peeve?

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5. What is something they are afraid of?

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6. Have they ever been in a relationship?

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7. Do they have a pet back home?

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8. What is the name of at least one member of their family?

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9. What is their go-to 3 a.m. snack?

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10. Have they ever borrowed anything from you without asking?

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If you know the answers to at least eight of these, you’re basically soulmates. You’ve clearly had the late-night roommate talk and are totally qualified to respond to their texts for them.

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If you got at least five, you guys probably spend a good amount of time hanging out. Try to get in some wholesome roomie bonding this long weekend, and you might learn some new things about your roommate that you wouldn’t expect.

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If you got less than five, maybe the fact that you wake up when your roommate stumbles home from Lamont every morning has really gotten in the way of your bonding time. Or maybe between their Math 55 psets and facetime convos with their dog, you just haven’t had the chance to show them your favorite TikTok. You’re both busy, but it’s not too late! Your roommate is (literally) your closest friend on campus, so coordinate your dhall takeout and talk about yourselves. Or your psets. Just as long as you’re talking to each other.

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{shortcode-540591dad88c959e7f7c99a18ed5796355d0d305}

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Midterms. Once they start, they literally never end. You wake up on an otherwise ordinary day in September to start studying for your first midterm and then you never stop until your last “miDteRM”— which is most likely a week before your first final. Of all the things that suck about academically rigorous work at an academically rigorous school, midterms take the cake for being the absolute worst part of it. Here are my main qualms with midterms at Harvard:

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They’re Never in the Middle of the Semester.

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In fact, my first “midterm” this semester was during the second week of school. Dear Dean K, who decided that the middle of the term was the beginning of September? Midterms in September should be banned — I’m still figuring out how to get to all my classes and eat three meals a day. Or at least two. And sleep eight hours. And socialize. Spoiler Alert: I’m not entirely sure if I'll ever figure that out.

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They Somehow All End Up On the Same Day.

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Even though they’re spread out from Mid-September to Mid-December, all your midterms somehow end up being on the same day. I’m looking at you MCB 60, Chem 17, and potentially Psych 1. Thank you for stealing all my friends on the dreaded last Wednesday of September.

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You Can’t Make Plans With Friends.

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With midterms spread throughout the semester for every class, there’s nothing you and your friend’s excellent g-cal skills can do for anyone. At least one person will have an exam the week that you all want to grab dinner, go to a party, or finally explore what’s out of the Harvard Bubble.

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And then there’s still MORE work.

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Professors still think it's a good idea to assign psets, lab reports, essays and weekly Canvas discussion posts for the very same class you have an upcoming midterm for. Incoming petition to give us a break: loading…

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Their Existence.

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Deep down, I know we all know that midterms might somehow, maybe, kind of, ish, serve a purpose (potentially?), but it doesn’t change the fact that the biggest ick of them all is that they exist in the first place. How dare you evaluate my knowledge of a subject I signed up to learn and master. Ridiculous.

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All jokes aside — we’re wishing you all the best on your midterms during this never-ending exam season! Exams or no exams, the future is looking up because it's also Spooky Season → Thanksgiving → Harvard-Yale → Winter holiday season!

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-540591dad88c959e7f7c99a18ed5796355d0d305}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2022/10/06/093921_1358117.gif', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption=None, hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])

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{shortcode-f90ceafc2ccba3c485845e155cc6b8e3b90bd8af}

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You didn’t ask, but we happily delivered. Flyby proudly presents the ultimate Harvard Happy Hour menu for all things ~shaken, not stirred~ on these hallowed grounds. Warning: some things you can actually drink, some things you definitely cannot. Happy mixing!

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-f90ceafc2ccba3c485845e155cc6b8e3b90bd8af}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2022/10/04/202926_1358065.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption=None, hovertext=None, contributors=, ]>)])

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{shortcode-119067d848a37a37c9599d442f095c8b5e003474}

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Harvard-Brown typically falls into the shadow of the highly anticipated Harvard-Yale game, but — as part of the 0.00001 percent of the time when the student body decides to rally around something in the name of school spirit (even though we don’t have a real mascot #sad) — it can still be really fun. And judging from everyone’s Instagram stories from the weekend of the game, I’m not the only one with this opinion. So here’s how the day went:

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For all you I-put-lunch-and-hanging-out-in-my-gcal folks, this is the minute-by-minute rundown of my trek to Brown. This year’s Harvard-Brown game was on Saturday, Sept. 24th at 12:30 p.m. in Providence, Rhode Island. My friends and I hopped in an Uber from Eliot House at 9 a.m. to catch the 9:40 a.m. Amtrak. Maybe this was a giant overestimation of travel time, but one, I had to ensure we had a few minutes to stop by the La Colombe Cafe across from South Station because their oat milk draft latte is to DIE for, and two, better early than not on the train.

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On the platform, we ran into more friends who were on the same train (surprise surprise), which made the forty minute ride pass much faster than a gened lecture. I’m sure the 238,928 Harvard Shop locations in the Square had major foot traffic the night before, because everyone was head-to-toe in Harvard gear. It was actually really nice to see that everyone was excited for the day (and good at pretending we go to a state school).

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Once in Providence, a LOT of walking occurred. It was about a thirty minute walk to the stadium where the tailgate was, but again, it went by quickly with friends.

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Ivy League students “tailgating” is always funny, because our tailgates consist of a few students standing awkwardly in the grass, bobbing their heads while holding warm beers. This tailgate was basically a bunch of sweaty people squished in between two U Haul pickup trucks, but I will admit I enjoyed myself, even though I regret my choice of long sleeves. It was a fraction of the size of last year’s Harvard-Yale tailgate, and tl;dr: Brown students need to work on their speaker system. But it was a picture perfect day weather-wise (cue the Instagram stories).

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The game itself was… not very exciting (but also when is it ever,,,). So I stuck around for about twenty minutes, really just to be able to say I went, then ventured to the Shake Shack for a much needed Double Shack Burger. I demolished it.

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At this point, the football was basically forgotten. I eventually ended up on the 3:30 p.m. train back to Boston. While spending time in Providence was a refreshing break from the Harvard bubble, I still think we win in terms of best college town :’)

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Overall, I’m really glad I went to the game, even if I felt like I spent the following week catching up on work. It was an awesome pregame for this year’s Harvard-Yale game, and I can’t wait for all the awkward tailgating, good times, and additional profit for the Harvard Shop to come. #rollcrim.

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