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{shortcode-296ad15a203c6d24cfbfca6b4b3a26820e5042ef} It’s 11:45 a.m. You’ve just finished your two morning classes without any breakfast, and you’re STARVING. The idea of lunch is fueling your every step; your stomach is grumbling, mouth watering, and your brain foggy. Images of velvety macaroni and cheese, of glistening, crisp brussel sprouts, of flavor-bursting potatoes still warm from the oven flash through your head. Stepping out of the Science Center, dreams of the endless possibilities at the dining hall consume you as you barely refrain from breaking out into a sprint (what you’d give to have a scooter right now).

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A fishy odor hits your nose like a garbage truck. The image of a seagull preying on a dead fish on the beach overcomes you. The scared, wide-eyed fish staring at you from the tank while you eat at seafood restaurants replaces it, followed by several other equally disturbing visions of inedible seafood. You groan, your excitement ruined. Today, you will be making a sandwich or a trusty salad bar bowl instead. Such is the reaction that “Catch of the Day” invokes in us. The smell permeates a 500-foot radius from the dhall, allowing tourists, VIPs, and students to enjoy the fish even if they do not intend to eat at Annenberg. How wonderful!

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“Catch of the Day” (while it is also you, my reader) is “locally sourced” fish served in Harvard College dining halls. But with such a potent odor, where is this fish really caught? We’d like to take you through a couple of our ideas.

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The puddle below the EXTREMELY HIGH pressure water fountain on the first floor of Greenough Hall

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While one might have the expectation that filling up a water bottle is a relatively dry experience, this water fountain will make you reconsider. It has a really small bladder; constant awareness is key because if you leave your water bottle under it for more than two seconds, it will overflow, and your shoes WILL get soaked unless you hit a spread-eagle position that will garner weird looks from your proctor or entryway neighbors. Nevertheless, there’s enough water below this water fountain for thirsty Greenough residents that “Catch of the Day” fish probably live there. Yum!

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The lake between the Science Center and the Yard

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It’s monsoon season in Cambridge (April), and apparently it didn’t rain in the seventeenth century when this school was founded because holy sh*t! Does anything suck more than the bottom of your jeans being drenched in dirty water as you try to leap over the small pond, around an inconveniently placed pole? Short answer: Yes. It’s jumping to the side of the influx of tourists who are annoyingly well-prepared for the weather in their thigh-high rain boots (why do they have to stunt on us and rub their foresight in our grumpy faces?!). This month has taught me that brick is infiltration’s final boss, and that any drain grate you see on campus is, truly, just for decoration. Surely, this pond is capable of housing a school of fish (Cabot, we’re looking at you).

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The puddle by John Harvard

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Does the fish look like a battery today? Nope! It’s just the faint remnants of an acidic substance that didn’t evaporate in the fryer. We are sure that the puddle under our right-hand man every weekend is the peak ecosystem for life to thrive! So, if anyone sees HUDS staff on Saturday morning with gloves and a net, scooping your lunch off of the concrete, let your friends at Flyby know.

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The tears of the new Quadlings

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“Tears! Of! Joy!” chanted roughly twenty polar bears as they stormed into my, Christiana’s, room a few weeks ago to announce my new home. A couple of (manly) tears were shed by my blockmates and I as the reality of our situation began to sink in. Cry me a river (House) all the way to the Quad, my fellow cubs — we better start qualking now! Maybe we’ll catch the new Cabot fish swimming on down too.

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The best thing about Harvard is the intellectual curiosity, persistence, and tenacity, not just of its students but of its staff as well. So, even if the surrounding waters of the Cambridge area are so cold the fish are encased in ice, and even if there is some uncertainty surrounding where it comes from, if the menu says there will be a local catch for lunch then, by all means — HUDS staff will make it happen! So, to help our friends out, take your pick of the alternatives we’ve offered if supplies ever get low and the bossman (the menu) is knocking at your door. But, in the meantime, if any HUDS staff would like to report where, in fact, the “fresh local catch” is coming from, you know where to find us.

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{shortcode-da2ccaed704e7765e5217b682af1935b055f85d4} What’s worse than being stuck behind a slow walker while rushing from Vanserg to the SEC, while simultaneously trying to pick up FlyBy, all in the span of 15 minutes? Probably an athlete scooting by you at Mach 10 and spilling your FlyBy soup everywhere, hitting you with a “Whoa, my bad, dude.” I have definitely never been that person before… ever. Hypothetically, though, if I were to be that scooter-er-er, this is how I would rank things I have or have almost annihilated (from oopsies to Remy).

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1. Remy — Almost

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I’m doing a cool 16 on Quincy St., about to pass that crosswalk from Barker to Lamont. Oh no! A creature has darted into my path! I break a millimeter before disaster and watch Remy run into the Barker Center courtyard. Mind you, this occurred at high noon on a Tuesday. There were many witnesses, and had I not clutched up, I would have been on the first plane out of Boston. My life — over. Thank goodness for my amazing reflexes, or I wouldn’t be here to write this amazing piece for Flyby.

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2. Cars — Hit

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Technically, they hit me. Technically, this has also happened more than once. Regardless, it was not a good President’s Day. This is your sign to wear a helmet and to get really good insurance. Blinker? I hardly know her!

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3. Potholes — Hit

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Imagine, if you will, a sunny October day — no coat weather. Hair flowing, inhibitions releasing, Natasha Bedingfield playing while scooting to the Northwest building. Boom. The wind is knocked out of you as you hit the pavement in front of a large number of your peers and a professor. This, unfortunately, does not fall under the almost hit category, but rather the full-on — riding your scooter like Jennifer Gray in Dirty Dancing — category. No one puts Baby in a corner.

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4. My Professor — Almost

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Okay, this one wasn’t even my fault. I wasn’t the one jaywalking. The only reason this isn’t higher on the list is because I was wearing a ski mask. Although now that I think about it, maybe he did know it was me. That’s probably why I struggled in the class. Yeah. That’s definitely it.

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5. Rats — Almost

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Surprisingly, I have yet to hit (knock on wood) one of the rodents that terrorize this campus, lurking in the shadows, waiting with a death wish. While I have only almost hit them, if they did end up on my scooter hit list, I’m pretty sure I’d be doing everyone a favor. But it’d be like… super gross. I don’t think I’m going to be able to take one for the team this time. Sorry.

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6. Turkeys — Almost

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Why are they here? Where did they come from? It had to have been upwards of 35 pounds. Dear God, can you imagine…

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Thanks for reading about my greatest hits. Here are some honorable mentions:

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- Pedestrians (I’m so sorry. I know I deserve everything that has happened in this list.)

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- Speed bumps and cobblestones (uhuhuhuhuh uhuhuh uhuhuh uh uhuhuh)

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- Ice (Hey, where’d my shin go?)

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- Other people on scooters (instant karma)

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Now that we’ve established my terrific track record, I think scooter licenses should probably be a requirement. If you’re reading this, remember to be a thoughtful scooter-er-er, yield to road rules, wear a helmet, and maybe cross the street when you see me coming.

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After spending the past few weeks suffering through a bleak New England winter, it seems like things are finally starting to warm up. The sun doesn’t set at 3 p.m. anymore, I can hear birds chirping in the morning, and best of all, summer is near!

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It’s a welcome reprieve from midterm season, which I spent in concrete boxes of varying size (read: Lamont, my dorm room, etc.) doing practice problems and trying to stuff information into my brain like a second load of laundry into the washing machine. This aspiring academic weapon was worn down by the grind, and from overheard dining hall conversations, I’m sure many of you dear readers share this sentiment.

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Well, if you still want to salvage the latter half of the semester, what better solution is there than to “touch grass”?

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I present to you: my opinions on which locations on (and off) campus are the best for reconnecting with nature and safer than bush jumping, after visiting (almost) every Harvard-affiliated green space in one-and-a-half days.

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The Arnold Arboretum

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If there’s anywhere to touch grass, this is the place to do it.

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About 281 acres of not only grass, but shrubs, bushes, and trees as well! It’s a beautiful bit of nature removed from the hustle and bustle of campus culture. The moment you step inside its gates, you’re transported to another place — a better place, a place where you don’t have to think about the pset, essay, or project you have due in less than two weeks’ time.

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The only catch is that it’s not the most convenient grass to get to (20 minutes away by car and 50 minutes by public transportation). Still, if you ever get the chance to go, I could not recommend it enough!

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The Harvard Business School Campus

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Yes, it’s in Allston, and so yes, you have to go across the river, but if you’re a stressed-out engineering student or swamped student-athlete, you’re probably spending a lot of time nearby anyway.

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There’s so much green space to enjoy, and you’re surrounded by pretty classic *Harvard* architecture. There are tons of options for seating and shade, and the open lawn in front of Baker Library has a lovely view of the Charles (though the sound of cars driving by disrupts the vibe just a tad).

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Plus, there are vanishingly few tourists, and I assume the Business School students are all inside busy working on cases or something, so you’ll have plenty of space to yourself.

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Also, if you’re up for a treat, check out the Class of 1959 Chapel. There’s a koi pond in there!

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The Harvard Law School Campus

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Other than serving as the site of countless Instagram posts with the caption “What, like it’s hard?” the Law School also has a ton of nice, quiet green spaces to enjoy. The lawn in front of Langdell is lovely, of course, but I personally enjoy the smaller courtyards behind Hauser.

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For some more specific options actually on the College campus, we have:

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The Radcliffe Quadrangle

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As much as it pains me to say this, I have to admit that the Quad is the best place to physically touch grass amongst all of the undergraduate Houses. The Quad Lawn is expansive and surrounded by the beautiful brick buildings that make up Pfoho and Cabot. You’re located in the platonic ideal of suburbia, so the only noise you’ll hear is from your fellow students also enjoying the experience of touching grass.

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Radcliffe Yard (which is different… crazy, I know)

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Do you want to enjoy a somewhat park-like setting but feel unsettled by the haunting flatness and lowkey sterile vibes of Cambridge Common? Your solution is one street away, nestled in the Radcliffe Institute’s flovely yard.

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It’s secluded but convenient to get to, and earlier this week, a bird made direct, unbroken eye contact with me as it ripped a worm in two. So, if you want an oddly profound yet ineffable experience, you know where to go.

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The Courtyards at the end of Divinity Avenue

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When you hit the Herbaria at the end of Divinity Avenue, turn left or right to enter my new favorite spots on campus. On one side, you’ll be surrounded by stately brick museum buildings. It’s a cozy, shady place with a large tree to sit under, and you’ll feel very academic there, especially as the weather warms up.

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On the other side, you’ll be surrounded by the Biological Laboratories. Personally, I think it’s one of the more whimsical places on campus, with carvings of various animals decorating the top edge of the surrounding building’s face and a pair of bronze rhinoceros statues guarding its main entrance. There’s also a volleyball court in the middle, which is fun.

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The Yard around Holden Chapel

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When you’re a first-year, it’s hard to get any privacy away from the camera-wielding hordes, who are somehow always ready to catch you at your worst angle. I mean, you’re probably never going to see the photos, but it’s the principle of the matter.

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There are unfortunately few places within the Yard where you can escape them, but the best place I found is the Ivy Yard “courtyard” (the one with Holden Chapel smack dab in the middle). I saw the least tourists there, and it’s got a nice, peaceful vibe.

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The Eliot Courtyard (not taking renovations into account)

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Probably the largest of the River House courtyards, Eliot’s has a fun triangular shape and allows one to appreciate the outdoor seating patio that acts as a transitory space from the dining hall to the courtyard. People are always playing volleyball (on the grass) when it’s warm out; plus, you’ve still got a view of the Charles without feeling too exposed.

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The Mather Courtyard

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CAUSE I’M CONCREEEETEEEE. Even if I weren’t a Matherite, I’d still have immense gratitude for the grass in the courtyard of Mather. What can I say — it’s a Good House! The courtyard is minimalistic, the trees are well-placed, and there’s always enough people passing by that you feel a connection to the community (but not so many that it’s annoying). And if you get hungry, there’s a dining hall with no restrictions right there (except for Thursday’s Community Night dinner, of course).

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Here are a couple honorable mentions:

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- The lawn behind CGIS Knafel

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- The lawn in front of Leverett Towers

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- The sunken courtyard in Quincy, when it’s not a slipping hazard

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- One of Lowell’s two courtyards, but you have to be with a friend or you’ll feel like you’re going to slip into the Backrooms

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- Any one of the parks by the Charles

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- The lawn in front of Harvard Medical School

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- Harvard Forest

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Hopefully, this comprehensive guide was helpful. I wish all of you dear readers a lovely rest of the semester and the opportunity to touch grass like I did.

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{shortcode-be41c1923dcb4139509b55a1341f1e39c17eccb0}With Visitas right around the corner, I started reminiscing about my first impression of Harvard’s campus when I arrived for my class’s Visitas. It was a little underwhelming, to be honest. But the one thing that continues to make me kick my feet in glee — like trust fund babies talking about clawing their way to the top despite all odds — is the ever-intriguing fever dream that is the tourists: easily my favorite Harvard NPCs. Through all my interactions with tourists, I’ve noticed that they tend to fall into specific spawn types, which I’ve decided to rank in order of how much I love them.

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Number Five: The Gate Wanderers

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Coming in at number five, we have the honestly not-so-common Gate Wanderers. These spawn types just appear, asking you where they can find “the Gate.” The thing is, I’m honestly not entirely certain which gate they’re referring to (there’s like 25 of them). I’d like to think it would be Johnston, but one spawn I encountered made it known that it was not, in fact, the correct gate. Maybe Widener? Or maybe not, who knows? I kind of enjoy not knowing (#outofsightoutofmind, or whatever Facebook moms say). I usually just end up directing them vaguely toward Widener and going about my day — just a 4/10 experience.

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Number Four: The Statue Touchers

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In fourth place, we have the one we all know and (don’t) love, the Statue Touchers. Every time I pass by a group of Statue Toucher spawns with their small toddlers, I shudder at their ignorance to the various forms of precipitation experienced by the statue. I always think about telling them… but never do, and I just think that’s so fun. I give them a solid 5/10.

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Number Three: The Videographers

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At number three, we have the Videographers. This spawn is separated into two subtypes: the Silly Videographers and the Freaky Videographers. The Silly Videographers are the ones who walk around with GoPros or have their camera on a 20-foot tripod for no real reason. They don’t even take that many pictures (they’re not like other girls), they just record as they amble around. They’re so odd. Maybe it’s a special interest. While their antics are entertaining, they tend to be a little overshadowed by the other type of Videographers — 7.5/10.

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The second group is the Freaky Videographers. These are the Videographer spawns that go out of their way to specifically record students. As with most tourists, they are completely unapologetic and unbothered. While walking through the Yard one time, this guy just pointed his camera at my friends and me, panning it across and following us as we walked by. I was so confused. It was so blatantly obvious and nonchalant that I actually questioned if it had even happened. Brother freaked so hard, I started gaslighting myself. Anyways, 8/10.

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Number Two: The Library Edgers

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Coming in at number two, we have the Library Edgers. Yes, you read that correctly. These desperate spawns are so fun to watch. They go up the stairs, try to enter Widener, and are immediately turned away. I love them and I hope they never change – 9/10.

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Honorable Mentions:

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Before we get to number one, I wouldn’t be fulfilling my journalistic duties if I were to have left out some very prominent but ineligible-via-technicality spawns. Here are some beloved honorable mentions.

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The Influencers

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These spawns either show up, talk in an overexcited 2016-YouTube voice about their mentoring business, or interview students to post on their TikTok for their followers to comment either general Harvard glaze or that the student must have been a diversity admit, aka “How did THEY get in, and not me?!!” The Influencers would have been on the list if it weren’t for the fact that the majority of the time, they’re other students. Anyways, just an average day in the life of a Harvard student ranking tourists by how silly I think they are!! — 3/10.

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The Bourgeoisie

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Have you ever taken a casual weekday vacation to visit Ivy League schools in the middle of October? No? Brokie. They spend their time doing sophisticated things, like showing their first grader what school they’re going to when they’re older and scouting out the location of the building they’re donating to the university. They also just kind of look at you funny sometimes. Like, you’re the one having your kid touch the golden bronze foot of someone who isn’t even John Harvard, calm down. The only reason they’re not on the list is that they also tend to be students. Top 1%/10.

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Number One: The Illiterate

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Finally, at number one can only be the Illiterate. These spawns like to stand right outside of Annenberg, taking pictures right next to the sign informing them that they aren’t allowed to go in any further. Once they walk past the sign, they either decide to just look around and stand randomly, or they try to make their way inside. The brave spawns will ask students to hold the door so that they can get a peek inside, while others will skip that step and head right in. It is always quite enjoyable to see the Illiterate endure the mighty wrath of Annenberg staff, who are quite sassy in their dealings with them. Always a pleasure to watch, 10/10.

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\r\nWith all the new victims first-years (and prefrosh!) who will be arriving on campus soon, I hope this article helps them set their expectations for life in the Yard. The three or so first-years who might end up reading it before getting here, that is. To those three, I hope you find as much joy in the tourists as I do. Unless you go to Boston Latin; then I’m almost 90 percent certain you were, at one point in time, one of the spawns on this list.

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{shortcode-9413817036289d833007e85a0cec795ffcb10187} If I’ve learned one thing from my time at Harvard, it’s that I am but a humble servant to my Apple ecosystem. My iPhone, MacBook, iPad, and AirPods are my life support devices: If one dies, I die. Recently, for the sake of my mental health, I had to turn off the weekly screen time notification. (Ignorance is bliss. Denial is the cure to everything.) If your weekly screen time is a source of shame (or smugness), don’t worry — you’re not alone. Here’s what your screen time says about you and what you do on campus.

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0-2 hours per day.

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Honestly, this is crazy impressive. I’m not sure what you’re studying, but you definitely get a pat on the back from your eye doctor. I’m picturing the Folklore and Mythology or Hum 10 kid with a Moleskine notebook and an actual, physical book (crazy) weighing down their backpack instead of a computer.

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3-6 hours per day.

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Totally respectable. You already hit two and a half hours from classes alone if you take notes on your computer for two or more classes. If you’ve managed to plan your schedule so that you only have an additional three to four hours of work per day, I applaud you. This could also mean that your computer is only used for work — no texting, watching shows, or online shopping. Either you’ve achieved the true work-life balance we all crave, or you secretly use your iPad for all your scrolling.

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6-10 hours a day (I’m looking at you, CS kids).

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These are the people you see with blue light glasses on (someone, please let me know if they actually work), much needed after staring at a screen all day. Their life exists on their computer, ranging from class notes to psets to Stack Overflow. This could also mean that you’re taking an excruciating class that makes you LaTeX every pset (might be speaking from personal experience). Honestly, if you’re spending this much time on your computer, maybe we should applaud you for not participating in endless social media (doom)scrolling… or maybe you’re spending all that time logged into Instagram on your Mac. I guess we’ll never know.

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Anything more than this… I’m worried for you.

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Spending more than 10 hours a day on your computer either means you’re taking insane classes or that your ability to focus on a single task is questionable (real, though). I would tell you that you need to touch grass, but we both know that’s not happening. Maybe try taking a walk or reading a book? I don’t know, dude, maybe your situation is too dire to bounce back from.

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While your peaceful Sunday morning might be ruined by a screen time notification, you’re not alone! We’ve been conditioned to spend every waking moment tethered to a device. All those wellness influencers who make “8 a.m. productive morning!” videos and preach the importance of not going on your phone right away have never felt the joy of waking up to Canvas notifications with new assignments or grades released. Pure bliss.

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('

{shortcode-fab8f77264a9837e450dadc84bf3371c981823c7} As an aging senior who survived the senior thesis slump, I could think of no better parting gift to the lovely readers of this blog than sharing everything that I wish I knew before thesising.

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It isn’t a normal essay.

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I’ll be honest, for most of my papers I just buy a giant bag of Jolly Ranchers to give me the sugar rush I need to stay locked in. I hate to break it to you, but that won’t work for your thesis.

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I fear that if I consumed as many Jolly Ranchers as I did during a day while writing an essay over the many months I spent writing my thesis, my health would be in shambles. I traded Jolly Ranchers for cinnamon caffeine gum, a sweet coffee, and Trident orange gum. If gum or coffee isn’t your thing, maybe try your go-to HUDS fruit instead.

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Write first, format later.

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I spent more time thinking about the structure and presentation of my thesis than I did actually writing it.

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Between reading papers and collecting data, it’s quite easy to procrastinate on putting ink on the page. I know it’s daunting, but I beg you: Begin writing your thesis as early as possible. It will save you so much stress as graduation comes racing closer on your calendar and you suddenly also need to focus on mapping out your post-grad life.

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You don’t even need to write your sections in order! I was determined to write my thesis from introduction to discussion to ensure its cohesion, but it was really just my procrastination talking. You can write your methods section (or at least a draft of it) before you even start data collection, and the introduction can be written as soon as your proposal is approved. (If you’re optimistic, you could even write your introduction before your proposal is approved…) No excuses.

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Your future self — and your editors — will thank you for being so proactive!

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Secret emergency extensions exist.

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Some top secret information for you all: Some departments offer automatic emergency extensions if you’re in a true bind. I did not use mine, and I don’t recommend that you do either, but hopefully knowing this may be an option for you in the future is comforting. But do not — I repeat, do not — bank on this; your thesis isn’t the sort of project you can complete in one night.

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Buy a monitor.

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I spent way too much time split-screening my MacBook and it just didn’t cut it. My roommates and I got monitors specifically for thesis writing and data analysis; they are game changers.

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Find a commiseration buddy. Or several commiseration buddies.

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You need people who will suffer with you until your thesis deadline. People who will feel your pain as you scroll through Instagram stories of those free from the shackles of Lamont. Simply put, you need friends who will sit in the library or dhall with you in silence (and take laughing breaks).

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Find some discipline.

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Let’s be so real. The most important thing for any thesis writer is discipline, so try your best to learn some. Your other coursework won’t magically disappear come March, and you’ll still have midterms and other papers even as your thesis deadline approaches. Even if your professors are the nicest people in the world, there’s only so many extensions you can take.

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Good luck to all the future thesis writers, and may you have enough discipline senior spring to power through to the finish line. You got this!

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('

{shortcode-563ec41ea8b2aa566d3ab80db4d49740cbfd7b3f} Stephany Gutiérrez ’25 is a senior at the College concentrating in Government with a secondary in Ethnicity, Migration, Rights. She decided to make the most of her last few weeks on campus. (Sorry to remind all of our senior readers that the clock is ticking…) Of course, this meant going on a blind date facilitated by the wise and mysterious Flyby Matchmaker. She filled out the form with her friends — just as all of you, dear readers, should — and was lucky enough to be the first one to experience the matchmaker magic. Jorge L. Marquez ’25 is also a senior at the College and concentrates in Government with a secondary in Psychology.

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Apart from choosing to study incredibly cliché concentrations, Jorge and Stephany agreed on putting cereal in their bowls before milk and on donning their left sock before their right. They also both were confident that cilantro does not taste like soap and were permitted to watch Spongebob as children. So many potential sources of friction in a budding relationship were entirely nonexistent for these two; the stars were aligning, and the Flyby Matchmaker was ready to draw a constellation between them. When the Flyby Matchmaker learned that Jorge valued humor in a significant other, they knew that Stephany would be a perfect fit; she’s a Flyby writer, and you’d be hard-pressed to find someone funnier than that. (Totally not biased. Not at all.)

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Stephany arrived at Berryline early, dressed in a black top and blue jeans. At the time, she did not know that her date, also dressed in a black shirt with blue jeans — we told you that the stars aligned — would be her old acquaintance from freshman year. You see, unbeknownst to the Flyby Matchmaker, Jorge and Stephany have actually known each other for years and were even in the same Spanish class last semester. Meeting at Berryline was simply meant to be (or maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic).

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Stephany: I got there a couple minutes earlier, so I was sitting at one of the benches facing the windows, just waiting.

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Jorge: I showed up a bit late because it was raining.

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Stephany: I was kinda just scrolling on my phone at the same time. And he actually approached me; I hadn’t noticed he walked in, and I was like, “Oh.”

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Jorge: I already knew her, so I was like, “Oh, hey, what’s up?”

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They promptly recited their Harvard intros — come on, you’re seniors, and you already know each other, so why? — and chatted before hopping in line to order. Stephany kept her sweet treat simple with vanilla froyo with strawberries, while Jorge decided to spice it up. (I mean, I would also probably go crazy on toppings if I was given free froyo.) While they chipped away at their froyo, they discovered yet another commonality between them: being unemployed.

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Jorge: We were just talking about post-grad plans; we’re struggling with finding jobs.

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Stephany: Having the opportunity to talk to someone I hadn’t talked to in a while was nice. The weather was also not giving frozen yogurt — it was raining all day — but it was a nice sweet treat for Saturday.

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So, what’s next for this duo?

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Stephany: I think better friends for sure. I just learned a lot more details about him… that I didn’t know beforehand. In terms of future possibilities, I wouldn’t know how to answer that; I’m not sure.

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Jorge: I don’t think anything’s going to go on.

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It seems the future for Jorge and Stephany is friendship. Once they both secure jobs, another meeting might be in order for these two! Either way, both of them had a great time (and got free frozen yogurt, win-win).

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If you’re single, want free food, and are interested in meeting someone new on campus (or want to be paired with someone in the same boat as you), fill out this form to nominate yourself for the blind date of your sleep-deprived dreams. You won’t regret it!

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XOXO,

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The Flyby Matchmaker

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('

{shortcode-ff3cf6ed2395c0dbbc0e1f8a926ee42b98844937} Welcome back the warm(er) weather, hordes of new characters to campus (I don’t know where they are coming from either), the looming threat of finals, and the countdown to summer. If you’ve ever found yourself walking around without your AirPods in, here are some of the things you’ll probably hear around campus. And, if you never go out without your “between classes” playlist blaring in your ears, here is your quick update on all of the Harvard student grumblings you may have missed.

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1. “Widener Library was actually a gift from Eleanor Elkins Widener in memory of her son Harry. Now, do you know the story of why she donated this in his honor?”

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Yes, actually. I've heard this story in bits and pieces every single time I’ve walked by Widener over the past three weeks. Between helping my friends practice their Crimson Key tours and bearing unsuspecting audience to many, many others, I am extremely well versed in Harry Elkins Widener’s untimely death.

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2. “My seasonal depression is finally over.”

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I don’t know about you, but I swore I didn’t have seasonal depression until I walked outside one day and the sun was out, the sky was blue, and the weather was warm, and I suddenly realized that the thought of walking to my 9 a.m. didn’t make me feel like crying.

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3. “Unwritten”

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The song at Yardfest, or my essay due tonight?

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4. “What are you doing this summer? I'm going to be doing finance in…”

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Let me take a wild guess… New York? This question and answer sequence has become my biggest fear. I know you’re only asking me so that you can “humbly” tell me that you are “Goldman-bound” this summer; however, the situation only gets worse because then I’m expected to tell you what I’m doing. So, either I make something up that we both know isn’t true, or I admit that I have no clue what I’m doing this summer and that I am in fact crashing out over it (please hire me).

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5. “Are you hosting any prefrosh for Visitas?”

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Do we have to call them prefrosh? I sorta hate that word. And, nope, but my friend is hosting six between her and her roommates, so that’s enough prefroshing for me.

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6. “I just have to get my thesis in, then I’m free!”

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This one is coming from the seniors who procrastinated writing 70 pages (or all) of their thesis until the final two months, realizing that they have come to and are now “crossing that bridge.” Little do they know even once their thesis is in, they’ll be having nightmares about it for the rest of their lives…

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7. “Have you booked rooms for graduation yet?”

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With more than five schools all graduating in the same stretch of days, getting hotel rooms in Boston, let alone in Cambridge, is going to be a nightmare. As far as I can tell, my uncle booked his hotel rooms for my cousin’s graduation almost a year in advance. My mom even tried to book rooms for my graduation during move-in this year (I’m a freshman…).

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8. “Did you do the reading?”

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Nope, and neither did you. The best part of this is that I know we were both thinking that we would get paired with someone who had done it. Unfortunately, I got paired with the living embodiment of “the consequences of my own actions,” and now we are going to have to ChatGPT our way through this.

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9. “Are you free for din tonight?” “No, sorry, I actually have a date.” “HUH?”

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Hello… since when??? Why does it feel like there are 25 new relationships post-spring break? Aren’t you the same person who just a few weeks ago was sending me insta reels about how single you were? It’s not that I’m not happy for you — I’m just surprised, and thinking that you might want to go curate your reel likes asap.

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10. “OMG, only five weeks until summer!”

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Yes, that’s all well and good, but all I can think when I hear that is “four weeks until finals,” and that makes me a little nauseous.

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Whether your mindset is four weeks till finals or five weeks till summer , both are rapidly approaching (queue “Where’d All The Time Go?” by Dr. Dog). Soon, this student chatter will be a distant memory. I hope this article motivates you to take out your AirPods (or just one of them) every once in a while and maybe even do something productive, like pick your courses or even do a reading… or keep procrastinating but outside, without a jacket!

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('

{shortcode-9fdef978a91e9a45f78b81ae0fb9dc8568d1186a}The White House is threatening to take away more than $8 billion in our federal funding if Harvard doesn’t get rid of DEI, ban masks, and make admissions identity-blind. But don’t worry, Alan! Flyby has spent all weekend crunching some numbers, and we figured out where Harvard can trim the fat in its budget to take these funding cuts in stride.

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$1B: No chairs at Convocation or Commencement.

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The sea of white plastic chairs in Tercentenary Theater exudes the opulence and grandeur that we’ve come to expect from Harvard. But when push comes to shove, we can sit on the ground. We’d save on both chair rentals and the employees who set them out. Easy $1B back into our pockets.

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$1B: No more Red Spice.

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We all love Red Spiced Chicken. But we all have to make sacrifices. If we get rid of our sky-high Red Spice budget, we can fund a little more cancer research. Might be a polarizing change with some backlash, but tough decisions don’t come without consequences.

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$1B: No more mousetraps.

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The rats are going to love this announcement. No matter how hard we try, we can’t seem to get rid of pests in the dorms. So, one must imagine Sisyphus giving up.

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$1B: Sell the Science Center Orb.

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Ok, real talk, does anyone know what’s up with that orb? What is it for? Is there any reason we can’t slap the Harvard label on it and sell it for a billion dollars?

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$1B: Stop Smith Center lo-fi.

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Nobody likes the music playing in Smith Commons — it makes it impossible to get work done, and everybody is wearing headphones anyway. We can stop paying for Spotify Premium, which, as we all know, is one billion dollars.

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$1B: Rent Tasty Basty and upcharge prefrosh during Visitas.

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There must be a reason upperclassmen try this every year. If our revenues haven’t jumped by a billion dollars by the end of Visitas, we could always pivot to charging people to see the inside of Berg. Going rate’s ten dollars a second.

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$1B: Sell House naming rights to the highest bidder.

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This won’t be controversial. At all.

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$1B: Add tariffs on senior sales.

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As we all know, tariffs are universally good. So let’s put some of Harvard’s free-market trade to good use and tax all the third-hand clothing and used plastic bins flowing from House to House.

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$1B: Get rid of hot breakfast.

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Let’s be real, they want to do this anyway.

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To be clear — yes, we have verified that each and every one of these small budget changes will save the university one billion dollars. And this way, we don’t have to get rid of DEI, which surely is integral to the Intellectual Vitality we hold so dear! Right? Right, Harvard?

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('

{shortcode-86dccc3d49aa83d5eb6e9fd8c41cf67b989a8425} If you’re reading this, chances are you’re one of those people who celebrated at the very beginning of the semester about having fewer exams (or even none at all!) because that one class had a final paper instead. Cramming 13 weeks of information into a somewhat coherent paper shouldn’t be that bad! You tucked that part of the syllabus into the farthest corner of your mind, labeling it a problem for reading period. Realizing that paper still exists and needs to be written can feel like being dunked in cold water (and not in an Ashton Hall way), but never fear! Here at Flyby, we’ll be right by your side as you go through the five stages of realizing you have to start your final paper.

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Stage One: Denial

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We all start here. Oh, that paper? That’s due in May! Really, we get it. Sometimes, it feels like it’s still February. Besides, you have too much to do already between psets, acapella jams, formals, and still figuring out your summer plans. That paper is the least of your concerns. Out of sight, out of mind!

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Stage Two: Anger

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This stage comes after an unexpected glimpse at the date. While you may have acknowledged the paper’s existence at this point, you still have yet to internalize it. Your workload hasn’t gotten any lighter and, with the beginning of spring, who wants to spend the day indoors composing an outline when you could be throwing a frisbee in the Yard, living your best coming-of-age movie? Frankly, how dare your TF expect you to find enough time within your rainbow-colored Google Calendar to write an entire paper.

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Stage Three: Bargaining

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At this stage, you’ve just opened the Canvas assignment for the first time and might be saying, “I need to lock in” for the first and certainly not last time. You thought you were being a very responsible student when you decided to open the Canvas assignment for your paper, only to find out it is meant to be way longer than you initially thought, with source requirements that hadn’t even crossed your mind. For a lucky few, this stage may be the one where you pick your topic. Nonetheless, this is the stage where you try to inspire yourself to make a schedule to write your paper. All is not lost yet! Right?

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Stage Four: Depression

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Stage Four is where you take that well-intentioned plan to write a little bit every day — and end up with an empty Google Doc each night. Unfortunately, making a schedule for your final paper can feel so productive that it justifies taking a break for every single day of that schedule, while assuring yourself that you have a plan and therefore nothing to worry about. The end of semester work pile-up won this battle.

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Stage Five: Acceptance

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This stage doesn’t necessarily begin when you start your paper and can sometimes occur against your will. Whether it happens on the second floor of Lamont at 3 a.m. or while you’re moving out at the end of the semester, you will reach acceptance, and have something in at some point — regardless of quality (because it’s the effort that counts… right?). And, you know what, that’s an accomplishment on its own.

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Regardless of where you are in your journey of starting that final paper, stay strong and push on through to get that page count. Or, keep procrastinating by reading more Flyby articles. Whichever you choose, good luck!

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('

{shortcode-6dac47a4bb3d50afec5ff1cee98138fef07b0c55} Welcome to March Madness, where twelve Harvard Houses enter the bracket… and only one emerges as the supreme champion. Post-Housing Day, it’s perfect timing for everyone to see where their House lands on the bracket. The committee has spoken. The seeds are locked in. Let the games begin.

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In the first round, Lowell fumbled the bag and experienced a classic first-round exit — decent effort but outplayed by Dunster from the start. Adams, coming off a bye, faced Dunster next and was a little rusty, but they scraped by and won their game. Barely.

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Leverett didn’t make it past round one because they showed up with a clear vision but no execution — kind of like how you start off the semester feeling like an academic weapon because you did your readings but tune out after week two. You have to respect the grind. Meanwhile, Pfoho continues to never let us know their next move: could be out the first round or make it to the Final Four. No one knows. Not even them.

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Cabot entered as this year’s hopeful Cinderella story and sure played with heart, but it was no match for Mather’s towering energy and chaotic approach — a deadly combo. The House plays like they just woke up from a Smith Center power nap and chose violence. Eliot, flashy as ever with a bye, brought all offense, no defense. And they were likely sponsored.

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Quincy, meanwhile, officially began their underdog arc. They’re cooking, and not just their hot breakfast. We thought Currier would be the underestimated sleeper team, but in the Quincy vs. Currier matchup, one House showed up with a game plan, and the other showed up late. Guess which is which. (Hint: One is in the Quad, and one is not.) Then came Winthrop, walking in like they had already won — loud, proud, and mentioning their river location any chance they got. But maybe that was the cause of their downfall, allowing Quincy to advance and beat Mather.

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Just like how they are repeat champion of the Straus Cup, Kirkland defeats Pfoho and Quincy (definitely no personal bias as a Kirkland resident myself) and takes the trophy home! We sure love tradition at this school, after all. Another year, another title. The legend of Kirkland lives on.

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('

{shortcode-ccc749c2bb02eecdacc9c0495763518610665606} Four years in Boston have provided me with plenty of time to decide what rain gear I prefer, and I’ve been able to observe others, too. (That’s right, I’m watching you.) Judging what all of you choose to wear in the rain has added a bit of joy to those gloomy days, and — through a little bit of psychoanalysis — insight on what you’re like. So here’s my take on your rainwear, organized by how unhinged it makes you seem.

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Level 0: Rain jacket AND an umbrella.

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You are very hinged. You’re always overprepared. You’re always early. You’re Type A: meticulous and thorough in all you do. I would trust you with my life. More than that, I’d want to “accidentally” sit next to you in class and become pset buddies.

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Level 1: Umbrella only

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You’re pretty hinged. You care about keeping dry, but you won’t let the New England skies rain on your fashion parade. You’re willing to fight the nasty winds and fix your inside-out umbrella to have your cake (read: style) and eat it too (read: be relatively dry).

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Level 2: Rain jacket only

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You’re neutral. You don’t like to be tied down. I respect that. You’re willing to get a little wet so that your walk to class isn’t controlled by the wind destroying your umbrella, but you aren’t keen on sitting in a puddle for your entire class (and subsequently catching pneumonia). Smart — this campus has enough plagues going around.

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Level 3: Your normal outfit

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You’re unhinged. There are two possibilities here. Number one: You forgot to check the weather — meaning you can be a bit forgetful and scatterbrained. Your head’s in the clouds, as they say. But maybe not, because if that was true, you’d have looked around up there and seen that it was going to rain. Number two: you intentionally didn’t check the weather, or you saw it and didn’t care. In this case, you may be unhinged, but you’re confidently unhinged. You know exactly what you’re getting into, and you’re willing to brave the elements to run free.

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Level 4: Flared jeans

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You’re wildly unhinged. Do you not see that the bottom of your jeans are soaked with mud? Are you not suspicious of the mini-ponds of water in the Yard (or the mini-lake that forms in front of Northwest)? Please tell me it was an accident. And please tell me you’re not going to wear these jeans back tomorrow.

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Level 5: White sneakers

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I have no words — your unhingedness is off the charts. You need to be stopped. As a matter of fact, straight to jail.

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I hope you learned something profound about yourself. Even if you found out that you’re unhinged, I hope you embrace the title with pride. On rainy days, you’re a silver lining for us people-watchers as we try not to get blown away by the Cambridge winds.

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{shortcode-26598357e6b11f91cfd374100cb8b5ace8d46624} The Harvard Undergraduate Association is responsible for funding student organizations (remind me why HUCG needs Harvard’s money?), advocating for student needs, and Venmoing you $12 for the money you spent on laundry this semester. This spring, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed IOP kids are gearing up for their first taste of public office as they campaign for roles on the HUA ranging from Academic Team Officer to Social Life Team Officer. While we appreciate the hard work that goes into each of these positions, there are a few more that could add substantial value to the important (read: important for the resumé) work of the HUA.

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Crimson Print Officer

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The fact that we’re still talking about Crimson Print is absurd. There’s got to be a better way. At the bare minimum, I should not have to resort to Googling “Flyby’s Crimson Print Cheat Sheet” every time I need to print anything. A Crimson Print Officer on the HUA might finally put us out of the misery we experience every time we’re required to print out anything for class.

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Free Stuff Officer

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This one feels obvious. Harvard has a ton of free stuff to give out, but the free stuff only makes its way into the hands of those in the know (or those who actually read their House’s open list). A Free Stuff Officer would streamline the process of procuring free stuff at Harvard, allowing students to make the most out of their tuition ($56,550 for a free T-shirt) and making the process of getting free stuff more equitable and accessible. See, Dean Khurana?! It’s all about equity and accessibility!

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Housing Day Officer

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Honestly, Housing Day felt less hype than normal this year. A tragedy, to be sure. The HUA’s Housing Day Officer would ensure that a) the weather is perfect on Housing Day, b) only the annoying kids get Houses they’re upset about, and c) every Housing Day video is as good as Currier’s (or Pfoho’s — iykyk). Easy, no?

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Snow Day Officer

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Harvard’s lack of snow days is upsetting. Sure, it doesn’t snow that much and, fine, we do all live a walkable distance from our classes; regardless, it still feels wrong that snow days had to come to an end in high school. I am especially empathetic to my peers who grew up without snow days at all and will never have the opportunity to experience one. What even was the point of going to school in Boston after all? Virtual school and work = a vibe killer to the snow day community. There’s just something about waking up in a winter wonderland and knowing you have the day off from school that truly hits different. The Snow Day Officer would ensure that Harvard students receive at least one snow day each academic year, complete with a college-wide snowball fight in the Yard and hot chocolate in Annenberg.

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HUDS Officer

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Let’s be real: HUDS needs help. Between the grape pizza fiasco of 2024 and the lack of hot breakfast in 11 out of 12 of the houses, there is real work to be done to get Harvard’s food up to the caliber of its students. We know that there used to be hot breakfast in every dhall before it was eliminated due to “financial burden” in 2009, and we also know that the graduate schools’ dining quality far exceeds that of the college. The HUA’s HUDS Officer would rectify the current undergraduate dining situation and restore peace to the minds of students who question why they picked Harvard over Duke or Yale every time they eat lunch.

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Quad Transportation Officer

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First order of business: Passio GO! More like Passio NO! (laugh, please). But, seriously, the shuttle situation is dire, and only seems to have gotten worse this past semester. As made evident by the canon event of missing shuttles and having to do the qualk at 1 a.m. after a night out in the Square, the transportation from the river to the Quad could use some help. Subsidized Ubers? Scooters for rent? All of the above are ideas to ponder for the Quad Transportation Officer.

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HarvardKey Officer

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I can’t even count the number of times I’ve had to go incognito or use a new search engine due to the “Bad Request” screen popping up when I try to log onto my.harvard. I’m sorry my request is bad; I’m just trying to pick my Fall 2025 classes (already)! Also, as many times as I select “Yes, this is my device,” Duo never seems to remember. Yes, I am indeed logging into Okta w/ Duo MFA. No, there is not somebody who has my login information and wishes to hack into my account to pay my tuition. Hit me up if this is something you’re interested in doing, though.

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To the future HUA co-presidents: yes, we (maybe) believe you when you say you care about the student body and not just your LinkedIn. Prove it to us by expanding the Executive Team to include these worthwhile positions. Your student body — and the rats in Kirkland who also eat our food — will thank you.

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{shortcode-c231114fed824892a8efc92a7d4f4243d2c3a8ac} While we were all ecstatic at the announcement of plans to construct a monorail running from the Quad Lawn to Barry’s Corner (across from Trader Joe’s, for those of you not in the know), apparently there’s been a snag in these plans: the turkeys.

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For anyone who is not aware, Harvard recently issued plans to install a monorail system across campus, allowing us all to live our Disney World dreams while attending classes to get jobs that could support a Disney vacation. The purpose of this monorail? Connecting the two farthest ends of campus to each other (kiss the Quad-SEC Express goodbye). The proposed duration of this ride? Five minutes. FIVE minutes. That would even put the River Houses to shame. And the best part? It was promised to be reliable (yes, we’re looking at you Passio GO!).

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But, unfortunately, Harvard has abandoned this project. To connect each end of Harvard’s campus, the monorail system would have to pass through campus. Obviously. You know what else passes through campus? Turkeys, lots and lots of turkeys. The turkeys have already been stirring the pot here on campus, before spoiling our monorail dreams. We are still recovering from the fact that Natasha Bedingfield canceled on Yardfest after learning that the Yard is inhabited by turkeys. Who can blame her, though, after hearing that a group of students held captive in Vanserg by a rafter of turkeys — no joke, the word for a collective group of turkeys is rafter — after section is still healing. Word on the street is that transfer applications have been submitted, and no, we are not talking interhouse.

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The problem that Harvard sees with this monorail is that it would have to cross through the turkey’s habitat — Harvard Yard. Discussions between Harvard faculty reveal fears of turkeys jumping between trees, pouncing to hit the windows and outer shell of the vehicle. Confused? Let me put it simply — the turkeys want to attack.

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So, for now, unfortunately we will still have to rely on our unreliable friend the shuttle system to get between classes. On the bright side, though, we do appreciate that the University has announced its plans to try to keep the turkeys under control starting April 1st, 2025.

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Wait.

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{shortcode-c5e412fea34f60d9463cedf0d0ffb925d6432a25} President Alan Garber announced Monday afternoon that the university would finally implement a more sustainable transportation system to connect all of its campuses.

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Garber’s announcement has been long anticipated by many faculty members throughout the university who have, since 2019, advocated for the construction of a monorail to connect Harvard’s Cambridge campus to Allston and Longwood. This new project will also significantly impact the lives of many students, especially those who live in the Radcliffe Quadrangle; the commute from the Quad to the Science and Engineering Complex in Allston is currently several hours long for any students unlucky enough to miss the shuttle.

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An existing shuttle system — including service on the university’s main campus, between Lamont Library and Longwood via the M2 shuttle, and a private jet — does provide students and faculty alike with free transportation between the university’s buildings, it is widely regarded as deficient. Students in the Quad have been frustrated by the inconsistency of campus shuttles and unreliability of Passio GO!, the mobile app that purports to provide real-time updates on shuttle locations and timings. Premedical students and researchers working at Longwood have also bemoaned the hourlong commute each way via the M2 shuttle, which also shows up inconsistently.

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In response to these issues, many students have requested that the University finance Charlie Cards, Lyft vouchers, and Ferraris to ease transportation difficulties. Harvard has not responded to these requests except to note that students have always been welcome to rent the shuttles for personal use, for the incredibly low price of $2,000 in Crimson Cash.

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Regardless, with the development of the new monorail system, students will be able to get to their destination much faster and on a more reliable schedule. Construction is set to begin this summer, with the first phase of the project between Cambridge and Allston set to be completed in 2028. The second phase of the project will link Longwood and Harvard’s main campus.

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\r\nTo finance this project, the Undergraduate House Renewal Program will be paused indefinitely. Students have provided overwhelmingly positive feedback about this development despite the project’s implications for House renovations, even though most will graduate before the monorail is actually built.

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('

{shortcode-f52c44f1916bd8fd636667b6fc777d90fe0d920e} This past Monday, March 24th, Harvard College Events Board announced that Natasha Bedingfield, a British pop singer most recognized for hits such as “Unwritten” and “Pocketful of Sunshine,” would headline the annual Yardfest festival.

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Student opinions on the announcement were mixed. One anonymous student on social media platform Sidechat wrote, “natasha bedingfield headlining yardfest means recession pop is so back.” Others reacted less positively, with another anonymous student on Sidechat writing, “natasha bedingfield for yardfest…we need affirmative action back STAT.”

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However, Bedingfield released a statement on the social media platform X, formerly known as Twitter, late Monday evening announcing that she has decided to cancel her appearance at Yardfest, citing “the bloody massive amounts of turkeys strutting around Harvard’s campus, mate.” When The Crimson reached out for more information from Bedingfield’s team, all they responded with was a link to a 30-minute long compilation of people being chased by turkeys, narrated by David Attenborough.

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Matt Ressingfield ’28 was one of many students disappointed by Bedingfield’s announcement. “Natasha Bedingfield saved my life. Literally. When I was a young child, my house caught on fire while I was sleeping. I woke up sweating and terrified, trapped under what felt like mountains of wood and debris. I screamed and screamed, begging, pleading, praying for someone to come rescue me. Just when I was about to give up hope, I see Natasha walking out of the fire towards me. She took my hand and pulled me out from under the debris and whispered in my ear, ‘Feel the rain on your skin.’ My fourth-degree burns healed completely by the next day,” he said.

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Knotta T. Urki ’25 was also disappointed by the sudden announcement, specifically noting her reason for cancelling. “It just feels really disrespectful. Like the poultry profiling has gotten really out of hand lately, and it’s sad that no one seems to really be talking about it,” she commented.

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The Harvard College Events Board has yet to make a statement regarding the situation and who, if anybody, will be replacing Bedingfield’s position as headliner of Yardfest. An anonymous tip was sent to The Crimson early Tuesday morning, stating, “There have been internal discussions of Natasha Bedingfield being replaced by an hour-long spoken word performance by Dean Khurana.” After learning of this, one member of The Crimson who does not wish to be named said, “Nah, fuck that shit.”

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