1. Not only did our American girls fail to medal in anything, but they also showed how much all the past success and media attention has spoiled them. They whined non-stop about Bela Karolyi and how much better off they were without his dictatorial tactics-which didn't seem too convincing an argument when every single one of their seven asses hit the blue mats at some point over the course of the competition. Without Bela and his Romanian discipline, the American cause is hopeless. My blockmate disagrees: "They're normal, healthy chicks, unlike the Russian and Romanian peasant girls. Those gymnasts don't go to school and they just practice all day to escape their misery. I'd choose freedom over a gold medal any day." Whatever. I certainly wouldn't. Gymnastics is all about contortion, stunted growth, hopeless oppression and tears shed for the sake of the cameras. As soon as we wipe those "normal, healthy" smiles off our girls' faces with an iron fist and a no ice-cream policy, I have no doubt they'll quickly return to the coveted podium spots.

2. My heart goes out to "former" all-around champion Andreea Raducan. The Romanian pixie flounced and bounced her way into our hearts by soaring through all four events at the individual competition with the energy of Peter Pan and the grace of Comaneci. And she smiled the whole way through! When's the last time you saw a gymnast smile? (And not that fake, toothy thing they do for the judges after they finish a routine-you know the smile that accompanies the pose that looks vaguely like the pee-pee dance?) Of course, the IOC being the vigilant, honest folk that they are, immediately drug test little Andreea after she wins. And it's discovered with much fanfare that she took-gasp!-cold pills. Gone is her medal, her pride and most certainly her smile. Couldn't the IOC focus their attention somewhere else? Leave the 3'2" girl alone. First you take her height, than you take her medals. All because of a runny nose.

3. The vault was set too low during the women's all-around. When's the last time you heard of an equipment failure during the Olympics? It has to be an NBC conspiracy. The ratings have been an abomination.

4. Say it with me, ladies and gentlemen, Svetlana Khorkina. Thank God for Russian divas! America could never produce a Dostoyevskian heroine like Khorkina - with her razor sharp hair line, her aquiline features, her glares, her screams, her wails, her brilliant hits and her spectacular crashes. At the team competition, she moped and giggled, smiled and cried, and chewed the scenery so viciously that she almost single-handedly destroyed her team and then brought them roaring back. And if all the drama wasn't enough, the image of her angrily tearing off her silver medal at the end of the night was enough to make all the clicking photographers in the media pit giddy with the thought of impending royalties. And this, of course, was just the team competition!

At the all-around, she seemed poised to dropkick the rest of the featherweights into oblivion but even she couldn't have prepared herself for the drama on vault-with it set two inches too low, Khorkina crashed onto her knees. The tears began to flow and the face sunk even more when she fell off the uneven bars during her signature move; the diva had melted into desperation. Every ounce of her haughty energy, her I-kiss-you-than-I-kill-you demeanor, had evaporated with two falls in a row.