Lampoon: does not have tight deadline or rigid space requirements and can publish silly things like lists.

Crimson: has tight deadline and rigid space requirements and has to publish huge advertisements for "SHIV in Concert."

Lampoon: has free access to fire extinguishers and can use them to hose down Crimson editors walking in front of Adams House.

Crimson: must collect spit in small paper cups to furnish staff with drinking water.

Lampoon: has neat old building with lots of secret compartments, funky rooms, several stereos and a vcr.

Crimson: has adequate supply of toilet paper in women's bathroom.

Lampoon: really knows how to party.

Crimson: really knows what party to vote for.

Lampoon: staffers blow off classes to inhale nitrous oxide, get high, drink beer and think humorous thoughts.

Crimson: staffers blow off classes to attend and report on Undergraduate Council subcommittee meetings, at which the length of the grass in Harvard Yard will be discussed.

Stanford Who

Have you ever been to Stanford? "Well...no," I hear you say.

I have two ears, one, two. They help me hear, one, two. I have two eyes, and they're both the same size.

But Stanford must exist, I hear you say. Really, I know some people who go there! They're all tall, and blond, and tan, and there's this one girl who...

You're wrong.