For the Poonie yucksters with minds of clay,
Lifetime jobs at USA Today.
To the Signet and their kin we kindly bestow,
The talented students they always forego.
To the Hasty Pudding, a year of free rent,
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Oh wait! that gift was already sent.
The Undergraduate Council, those political flubs,
Gets free membership in the final clubs.
To David Letterman, the Late Night King,
A new bandleader who can actually sing.
To Bill Cosby, well-loved for his show,
The one thing he lacks: a smaller ego.
To Leonard Nimoy, a special pet rock,
Inscribed with the words, "I am not Spock."
For Ivan Boesky, the credit he deserves,
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Arts Group Intended No Offense
