The longest and most expensive election recount in U.S. history ends, with former Sen. Adlai E. Stevenson III '52 declared the one-vote victor of last November's Illinois guheranorial race against incumbent James "Big Jim" Thompson. "I'm so happy--pass the Perrier Lite," exclaims the jubilant Stevenson. Local newspapers report that Stevenson was put over the top by two late-arriving ballots: from Adlai E. Stevenson II and Adlai E. Stevenson I.

Fashion mogul Calvin Klein announces his latest line of items: designer genitalia. "It was the next logical step," he says.

Saying "I sure hate Derek's woodshed." Alumni Association director Aloian kicks off the searches for the 1984, 1985 and 1986 Commencement speakers.

Bulgaria denies charges that it sent its navy to supply Nicaragua with arms, claiming that all three of its rowboats have never left domestic waters.

The federal budget deficit shrinks by nearly one-third, as Australian publishing magnate Rupert Murdoch purchases The Congressional Record. "Strom's Mom Scalded Tots," reads the banner headline of the first issue.

The Harvard Independent, ending a three-year layoff, announces that it will resume publishing original material in the fall.

September

Fleet Street erupts as Prince Andrew and Washington stripper Fanne Fox depart together for a remote cassle in Bermuda. "It's entirely innocent," the prince protests upon his return.

Radcliffe President Horner, in Teheran on a corporate-sponsored tour, dispatches a telex to Washington imploring the Senate to sell cruise missiles and B-52 bombers to Iran because such action "is in the best interests of the United States."

John Fox takes a leave of absence as dean of the College as he joins the Boston Celtics at their fall training camp.

Classes resume, but the summertime renovations of the undergraduate Houses are again nowhere near completion. Housing Director Thomas A. Dingman '67, under attack for the delay, suggests that Bulgarian terrorists may have been responsible for the construction mishaps.

President Reagan declares his candidacy for reelection on Labor Day. "How ironic," comments AFL-CIO president Lane Kirkland.

October

In a letter signed by all 40 team members, the 0-5 Cambridge Rindge and Latin football squad complains about the coaching style and temperament of Coach Joe Restic. Restic shrugs off the charges, but he is forced to apologize to the local PTA for saying the players "are just dumb townies."

Ali wins a stunning political triumph in the Florida caucuses, pulling 62 percent of the vote to Glenn's 28 percent and Bradley's 10 percent. National polls now show he has pulled ahead of the Ohio Senator, and campaign manager Howard Cosell exults. "We can almost taste it now, right, Dandy Don?" The candidate himself is gleeful at his upset. "Of my talents there can be no mirth/ I brought the Spaceman down to Earth," he declares.