With only a month of campaigning left, gubernatorial hopeful Mike Dukakis announces his plans to run for the College of Cardinals if elected governor. "Wrong religion, but I'm pure enough, "Dukakis says.

Labor trouble erupts at the World Series, when the rightfielders for both teams, who have organized a separate union, walk off the field. "Less sun in our eyes--that's what we want," Red Sox (dig that) rightfielder Dwight Evans says at a press conference during the break in the fall classic.

NOVEMBER

A disappointed Governor King, after receiving less than 20 per cent of the vote in his reelection bid, files suit against the voters of Massachusetts. "They have limited my earning potential," the governor says.

A victorious Ted Kennedy celebrates his win with a box of Twinkies; out of control, he eats nonstop for a month, ballooning beyond 400 pounds. "I'm a big fan of big government," he chortles merrily.

Joe Restic's mighty Multiflex offense manages a field goal in The Game, held before all 20 members of the Louisiana Harvard Club in the Sugar Bowl. The defense yields four touchdowns. "I guess we should have concentrated less on moving the ball and more on stoping it," Restic says, adding that he is "mulling over" job offers from 23 NFL franchises.

DECEMBER

Announcing that he "wants to think about the earth," Justice Rehnquist persuades his brethren to move court sessions outside. "I don't need those drugs any more. Just being alive; just grooving on the universe--that's enough for me," Rehnquist says, adding that he and Justice O'Connor's newborn son would be named "Phreedom."

Libyan leader Moammer Khadafy flees into hiding. Before he leaves, he decries President Reagan for sending "roving NATO hit squads" after him. "He is talking nonsense. He has no proof. Anyone who would believe him is nuts," Reagan says.

All but three freshmen stay at school over Christmas break to study for their finals. "Getting into Med School--that's serious business," one youngster announces.