In return for the annual retainer mailed to our sooth-sayer on Mt. Olympus, he has provided us with these predictions:

JANUARY

Speaking at the Harvard Law School Forum, U.S. Supreme Court Justice William Rehnquist says, "The most important issue in American jurisprudence today is the treatment of illegal immigrants from Pluto." Saying he was "glad to be fully recovered from my illness and back to my usual schedule," the justice added, "I'll feel even better when that six-foot cocker spaniel stops following me everywhere I go."

For the first time since the middle of President Conant's tenure at Harvard. Mr. Test announces he will not proctor exams this year because of the threat posed by roving Radcliffe Quad "hit squads." Test refuses to elaborate, citing national security reasons.

Despite head coaching offers from the Los Angeles Rams, the Dallas Cowboys and the Chicago Black Hawks, Harvard mentor Joe Restic announces he will stay in Cambridge. Restic--whose teams have failed to score against Yale in two straight seasons--says he fears the pros might have trouble understanding his vaunted Multiflex offense.

Recommending a delay for what one member calls the "umpteenth time," the committee drawing up the new constitution in accordance with the Dowling Report decides that Yale students have in the past been under-represented in Harvard student government. The committee grants the New Haven undergraduates one-sixth of a vote and permanent observer status, but it refers to the Finance Committee the question of round-trip bus fare to and from Connecticut.

FEBRUARY

In an interview in Harper's magazine, budget director David Stockman declares that excess military spending has destroyed the nation's economy. "Ronald's face may have launched a thousand ships, but it's going to sink us all," he says, adding, "I bet I get no supper for saying this."

Prime Minister Menachem Begin tells a cheering Israeli Parliament that he has decided to annex Northern Ireland, El Salvador and Poland. "We don't have troubles enough of our own," the grinning chief executive proclaims.

Meanwhile, University officials announce that only 90 students, most of them freshmen, have enrolled in Core courses for the spring semester. Moral Reasoning 78, "The String Quartet in 17th Century Austrian Suburbs," with an enrollment of six, is the most popular. "We seem to be encountering some resistance," W.C. Burriss Young '55, associate dean of freshmen says, adding that early plans call for Fine Arts 175, "American Architecture Gut," with a projected enrollment of over 3000, to be added to the Core next year to improve statistics.

The race for Cambridge's mayoralty enters its 785th ballot, with the vote split evenly between Lenny Russell and David Wylie. Swing vote Al Vellucci hints he may back George Wald for the post, even though Wald is not a city councilor. "At least he's not a frintcake like the rest of those guys at Harvard," says the East Cambridge councilor.

MARCH

His campaign for reelection in high gear, Gov. Edward J. King files multimillion dollar libel suits against every magazine and newspaper in the state. "Anything they print about me hurts me," King says adding that he has asked the State Supreme Court to enforce a gag order regarding his activities and statements on all Bay State journalists.

President Bok goes underground in response to "secret reports" that he is being pursued by "hit squads" from Northwestern and Stanford Universities. Citing "national security reasons," he declines to elaborate.

A major earthquake rocks Cambridge, opening a 70-foot-deep chasm through the middle of Harvard Yard.. As a result, the University renames Wigglesworth A, B and C entries in honor of Charles Richter '45. Admissions officials say applications from tremor-shy southern Californians plummet.