The Harvard Campaign hits the $350 million mark, thanks to a $100 million contribution from an anonymous donor in Queens. "Actually, it's only a postcard with a pledge on it, but we're confident enough that we've renamed Holyoke Center 'John Doe Plaza,'" campaign officials say happily.

Construction at the Harvard football stadium is delayed for several years when a worker eating lunch accidentally leans against one of the cement stanchions and topples the north face of the concrete edifice. "I'm awful glad no one brushed up against that during the Yale game," athletic director John P. Reardon says.

Summer School enrollment soars once again, as administrators offer new pre-elementary school programs. All toddlers live in the Yard, and proctors are advised to "use discretion" in enforcing alcohol regulations.

A water pipe breaks, flooding the Yard to depths of up to three feet. Really.

AUGUST

With Ken Kesey at the wheel, the "turned-on, tuned-in Supreme Court forms a rock band and tours the country in a psychedelic bus. Sandra Day O'Connor soars to the top of the charts with her rendition of "You Send Me (to Prison)." "Eat my torts," Justice Rehnquist says. "What are you going to do, take us to court?"

Gen. Wojciech Jaruzelski announces that the "state of war" in his country has been downgraded to the "state of Mississippi." In the face of criticism from the West, Jaruzelski declares sternly, "This is no different from the United States, the Gulf region to be exact." Lenin Shipyards in Gdansk is reported churning out three sternwheelers a week.

His campaign on the skids, Teddy Kennedy announces he will go on hunger strike until Election Day. "That way, even if I lose I'll be in good shape," Kennedy, a reconciliation-minded Joan by his side, tells reporters.

SEPTEMBER

Returning from his vacation, President Reagan announces a cabinet shakeup. "My inner circle will be replaced by my outer circle," Reagan said, explaining that he had "heard every joke Meese, Baker and Deaver know two or three times."

In Cambridge, 1506 freshmen arrive. All but three announce they will major in the hard sciences.

Opening their season in the Orange Bowl, the Crimson gridders win by forfeit when Columbia is unable to scrape together airfare for the flight South. Workers predict stadium renovations will be completed in time for the University's 350th anniversary in 1986.

Back at work, the Dowling committee forms a subcommittee to remind students that it exists. "This is the most important issue at Harvard, and possibly in the world," Andrew Hermann '82, who has been granted permanent spokesman status by committee czar John Dowling, says.

OCTOBER

In an interview in Popular Mechanics, David Stockman compares Reaganomics to the vacuum tube. "It doesn't make sense anymore, and its guaranteed to break down a lot," he says. A day after its publication, Stockman explains he had really meant to say, "I have absolute faith in the president. He is the best president I have ever met."