All the kids wanna snifff some glue

All the kids want something to do

The Ramones are the group most responsible for the spread of "new wave" in its most virulent form, that known as "punk rock." Listeners at Ramones concerts are regularly reported as having gone deaf. Their songs not only advocate "sniffing" glue, which causes brain damage and generally leads to addiction to heroin, but demand sedation, describe chainsaw massacres, and even outline the "blitzkrieg" technique of warfare popularized by the Nazis in World War II.

Needless to say, the Ramones are the most pernicious band playing before American audiences today, advocating mindlessness and even lobotomy. And more than any other group, the Ramones--with their phenomenal energy and very frequent schedule--threaten to deafen a significant portion of the American population, leaving the nation helpless in the event of hostile thermonuclear assault.

Memo #5. New Wave Music is Actually the First Wave of an Invasion of Extraterrestrial Enemies

I'm praying to the aliens

I'm praying to the aliens

The above lyrics, from a song on an album by a group named "Gary Numan and Tubeway Army," were the most extraordinary find of our ongoing investigation into "new wave" music. This album--the cover pictures a creature not apparently human-- confirms a suspicion our experts have long held: that the entire so-called "new wave" movement is really a fifth column action for a takeover effort by an alien race from some as-yet-undetermined nearby solar system.

This bit is only the most obvious and incontrovertible in the thick docket of evidence we have gathered to document the nation's danger. Such so-called artists as Mr. Numan and his cohorts should be brought in for questioning at once, and probably jailed.