A Little Levity
Fine, We’ll Fucking Write About the Animal-Shaped Vessels
Is this what you wanted?
Bird Scooters are Decadent and Depraved
What is it like to ride a Bird? You enter a state of total resignation, much like how Abraham must have felt when he was about to sacrifice his only son Isaac on the altar.
I Have a Conspiracy Theory that the New Smith Campus Center was Constructed to Normalize Data Collection
As I looked directly at Farkas Hall through a glass window the size of a movie screen, I felt like I was sitting on the inside of an iPhone.
How to Get Over a Back-to-School Cold
Keep those humors in good balance!
Drinky Drink: "Girl Drinks"
When you come back and get down to your normal evening of painting your nails, looking at pictures of horses, and playing solo Madden, or whatever stuff you girls do, you might want a nice estrogen-y cold one to slurp it all down with.
Roommate Horror Stories
“Are you aware that your roommate swims?”
FM Imagines: Celebrity Cover Letters
Budgetary strategy is one of my strong points. I know critics will say, “He blew a million dollars on private travel!” I beg you to think of it this way—it only cost me $1 million to charter those flights.
Venn Diagram: HUID vs. IUD
You really don't want to lose it.
Jack Kerouac Takes the Quad Shuttle
The doors squealed open and we bounced in a jiffy onto the 5 p.m. Crimson Cruiser, pulling ole Bull in behind us just as everyone was tooting to go.
Rejected Recipes from Home
FM imagines some less savory and more emotionally-fraught submissions.
Yeah, I Ride My Bike Through Harvard Yard
The air feels so much more viscous at that velocity, and you bet your ass I don’t wear a helmet.
Venn Diagram: Advising Fortnight/Realizing Freud was Right
Confused? Call your mom.