('

{shortcode-5ad37fd2923b9f5b8f05a48c76914a63fbe1d16b}

\r\n\r\n

It’s that beautiful time of year again, when midterms never seem to end and Halloweekend is an impending blur. Family weekend is scheduled in the midst of all this chaos, and you completely forgot that your parents are coming to town. But don’t fret, little one. Your friends at Flyby are here to save the day with our guide on how to get your life together before that.

\r\n\r\n

Clean your room

\r\n\r\n

The most important thing on the list. You can’t have a dirty room when your parents come to visit — you’ll never hear the end of it! Vacuum the floor. Clear your desk (throw out those dirty coffee cups). Take out the trash (please).

\r\n\r\n

Empty your backpack

\r\n\r\n

This isn’t even about impressing your parents; it’s just good advice. Get rid of the bulky papers and notebooks you don’t need to avoid developing premature scoliosis. God forbid you find a rotten banana at the bottom.

\r\n\r\n

Eat fruit… or eat breakfast

\r\n\r\n

Eating fruit (or even just breakfast) this one time will give you a boost of energy. It will make up for all the malnourishment you’ve endured this midterm season. You’ll seem so happy, energetic, and lively to your parents.

\r\n\r\n

End your evil situationship

\r\n\r\n

You don’t want any awkward text messages popping up while you’re trying to show your parents cute photos of you and the roommates from FDOC. Also save yourself the pain of having to go through the equally awkward “what are we” conversation right before Thanksgiving break.

\r\n\r\n

Clean your water bottle

\r\n\r\n

Rinsing your bottle out with water before you fill it doesn’t count. Get Dawn and go scrub that thang. Or, just run it through the tray return. There’s a colony of microorganisms growing in your water bottle, and it’s begging you to be cleaned. Drink some water while you’re at it, too.

\r\n\r\n

Wash your sheets

\r\n\r\n

In addition to cleaning your room, you need to wash your sheets. And no, don’t just do this for Sidechat karma — actually go downstairs and do it. You don’t want your parents to die of a stink bomb when they can smell your sheets. Eek.

\r\n\r\n

Stage a fake encounter with friends

\r\n\r\n

This will leave a great impression on your parents. Stage a run-in with a peer and make it look as accidental as possible. It will make you look well-socialized and hip to your parents (even though you aren’t).

\r\n\r\n

Display your Vitamin C supplements on your desk

\r\n\r\n

This will make your mom happy. You’re taking charge of your own wellbeing (ha!).

\r\n\r\n

Iron your clothes

\r\n\r\n

Consider folding your clothes and putting them away? Or at least pick them up from the floor so there’s space to stand. You really won’t hear the end of this if you don’t.

\r\n\r\n

Buy them gifts

\r\n\r\n

Just shove Harvard family merch into their hands as soon as they arrive. This will hopefully distract them from asking about how midterms are going.

\r\n\r\n

Subscribe to the Flyby mailing list

\r\n\r\n

This way, you’ll be well aware of campus activities and meals, and have plenty of funny jokes to tell your parents to earn their love and validation.

\r\n\r\n

If you follow these tasks carefully, you can convince your parents that you are a well-functioning member of society. Act vigilantly. Present yourself in the best light possible. Don’t give them more material to gossip about over Thanksgiving dinner, while you sit in the corner and try your best not to get ragebaited. Just remember that hey, you belong here. And you are doing your best, even if your life is sort of a mess right now. So lock in, and get your life together for the weekend, and make your dear parents proud.

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-5ad37fd2923b9f5b8f05a48c76914a63fbe1d16b}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/24/110941_1381495.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Family time!', hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])

('

{shortcode-5aba2a56c9d263d7c00380e6fe30a07b334436f5}

\r\n\r\n

It was a bright, sunny morning — which should have been my first red flag, because nothing good ever happens in broad daylight. But there I was, on my way to class from Mather, acting like I had my life together. I was running on a solid six hours of sleep, my papers were turned in (on TIME, might I add), and I actually woke up on time for breakfast. Peak performance, honestly.

\r\n\r\n

Everything was going as planned… until I caught a glimpse of him across the street.

\r\n\r\n

Road Rat. The notorious 13-inch-long rat had finally made an appearance in my life.

\r\n\r\n

He was right there, in the flesh. But I fear I was too late for this short-lived reunion.

\r\n\r\n

Before me lay Road Rat, knocked out cold in the middle of Mass Ave. An unfortunate case of jaywalking, looking more lifeless than the people leaving the Stat 110 midterm.

\r\n\r\n

I was no stranger to the tiny fella’s tales detailing his exploits — terrorizing freshman dorms at 3 a.m., outsmarting the most skilled rat traps, and allegedly joining the IOP.

\r\n\r\n

But now, his cold, beady, red eyes stared directly into my soul. I could feel him judging me. Judging my choice to (almost) go into consulting. Judging my decision to be premed. Judging the fact that I was wearing the same sweatshirt from the day before. I was trapped in purgatory, and purgatory looked suspiciously like the intersection across from CVS.

\r\n\r\n

I tried pulling myself together, but I just couldn’t look away. This right here was proof of what happens when you fly too close to the sun. When you reach for grandiose dreams — like attempting to sneak into meet your friends at Adams for lunch, or trying to take five pset classes in a semester, or believing you could do all three readings AND go to that concert Sunday night. Road Rat reached for the stars while trying to amass his mass, only to get absolutely *bodied* by some of the worst drivers in America.

\r\n\r\n

I thought about Road Rat’s dreams, hopes, and aspirations. Did he have a family? Friends back in the Yard he was trying to impress? A hometown sewer far away that he longed to return to? Did he think he would ever make it to the big leagues in the big city rat race? So much potential, but such a shame it fell short.

\r\n\r\n

It was like looking at a mirror image of myself and everyone I knew and loved. Road Rat was an omen, a cautionary tail (tale) of the pitfalls of ambition. A memento mori in rat form. A physical manifestation of my academic validation complex. He was like all of us — striving, scrambling, and ultimately getting flattened by forces beyond our control (capitalism, climate change, three midterms scheduled back-to-back). It’s expensive to fly so high. You burn out. You fry the machine.

\r\n\r\n

The traffic light switched to “Walk.” I scurried away to Lamont, carrying with me Road Rat’s story as cautionary advice. Also, I was late to section.

\r\n\r\n

Here’s a haiku in tribute:

\r\n\r\n

Small king of Mass Ave

\r\n\r\n

Your dreams too big for this world

\r\n\r\n

RIP Road Rat

\r\n\r\n

Moral of the story: Look both ways before crossing the street. Live with love and whimsy right now, because the Goldman Sachs offer can wait. Road Rat wouldn’t want that for you.

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-5aba2a56c9d263d7c00380e6fe30a07b334436f5}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/thumbnails.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/23/102834_1381465.png.1500x877_q95_crop-smart_upscale.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Small King.', hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])

('

{shortcode-98df2281e0a6f1ba5d348a98abf55082914b748b}

\r\n\r\n

As we’re officially in Spooky Season, Harvard’s campus vibes have changed. Of course, students are haunted by midterms and poor technology (shoutout to Canvas being down for a day, but my essay deadline is not getting extended). Still, beyond the annual scares of midterm season, there’s also some new frights at Harvard this fall.

\r\n\r\n

The Eliot Construction.

\r\n\r\n

As a Kirkland resident, I would like to personally highlight the primary reason for my atrocious sleep debt this semester. It’s not psets or readings: no, it’s the Eliot construction. Nothing wakes you up better than a wrecking ball outside your window at 7 a.m. every weekday. Nothing makes you more terrified to live in River West than when it’s so loud that the tutors are handing out earplugs. My Halloween costume might just have to be an Eliot construction worker, because they scare us Kirkland residents even more than our pset deadlines.

\r\n\r\n

Lines.

\r\n\r\n

Not lines in a book, but rather the endless parade of lines on the street. Lines outside Berryline. Lines outside PopUp Bagels. Lines to get free Dunkin’ gift cards in the Square. Every time I see a collection of people in a line, I’m filled with dread (I dream of the days we could get fro-yo in 15 minutes, rather than an hour). The sheer number of people willing to wait for up to an hour for a snack of any kind is new to Harvard this fall, and it’s rather frightening to see.

\r\n\r\n

Okta Verify.

\r\n\r\n

Is it crazy to say I miss Duo? The emails leading up to the transition to Okta were so ominous, and setting it up on all of my devices was exhausting. I still don’t even think I did it right. Even worse, Okta loves to glitch when I try to open my.harvard to doomscroll over what courses to take next semester.

\r\n\r\n

Coughing in Class.

\r\n\r\n

The droves of people downed by the freshman flu and the resurgence of Covid (oh yes, Covid is back — or maybe it never left?) means that I can’t walk into a room without hearing at least one raspy cough. This is a PSA: stay home if you’re sick! There’s nothing quite as scary as the prospect of being the next victim of illness right before your midterm.

\r\n\r\n

Harvard Influencers.

\r\n\r\n

It seems like every other person I met last year is giving the noble career of Instagram Influencer a try (or starting a Substack). Yes, we go to Harvard. Does that mean we can explain exactly how to be successful, happy, or also get into Harvard? (I’d like to note that these things are possibly mutually exclusive, and at any rate, probably not correlated). Yet, at least once a day, I find myself ducking out of the way of a camera or selfie stick in the dhalls or Yard, as yet another prospective influencer rates HUDS, records themselves in Ec 10A, or time-lapses their Lamonster moments.

\r\n\r\n

“What’s Your Halloween Costume?”

\r\n\r\n

As someone with no costume creativity and a healthy ability to procrastinate, getting asked this classic October question makes me break out in a cold sweat. I’ve scrolled Pinterest, debated group fits with my blockmates, and am still no closer to a Halloween costume than I was before. Luckily, Flyby has some ideas if (like me) you need them!

\r\n\r\n

Evidently, Harvard’s spooky season goes beyond your run-of-the-mill Halloween myths — here are the other scary things around the Yard right now to contemplate instead of your looming deadlines! Stay safe out there, folks. If you lock in hard enough for your midterms, you might be lucky enough to miss these things entirely … though that might be an even scarier prospect.

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-98df2281e0a6f1ba5d348a98abf55082914b748b}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/thumbnails.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/22/063347_1381426.png.1500x877_q95_crop-smart_upscale.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Berry-line :(', hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])

('

{shortcode-7dd84a2119fa7f5c140d2edfc2384925fc1dc418}

\r\n\r\n

Every year brings new changes — and new freshmen! (I think Thoreau said that?) Often, the changes the College makes serve to create a better, safer environment for the incoming students, but sometimes they just really miss the mark. To make sure the freshman know what they’re missing out on, here are some great things about Harvard that unfortunately don’t exist anymore. I’m sorry in advance.

\r\n\r\n

1. Gatekept River Run

\r\n\r\n

With the recent decriminalization of River Run, students younger than the current senior class no longer know the thrill of dodging security guards, climbing fences, and utterly failing to passably imitate an upperclassman swiping into their house. Although the new River Run is admittedly much safer, thrill-seeking Harvard students may be disappointed.

\r\n\r\n

2. Un-Gatekept HUDS Takeout Boxes

\r\n\r\n

Every day I miss the convenience of the previous disposable takeout boxes. It was so easy to just grab one, get some food, and immediately dodge any and all social interaction. Now, you have to wait and register the box, potentially hold up the scan in line, and repeat the whole process when returning it. Shout-out to HUDS for the eco-consciousness of the new choice, though… I guess.

\r\n\r\n

3. Barker Cafe

\r\n\r\n

Imagine sunlight streaming through windows, a pleasant smell of coffee in the air, opportunity for BoardPlus (a.k.a. free) matcha, and a bunch of fashionable students chatting around you. No, it’s not heaven, it was Barker Cafe. Unfortunately, new students will never be able to experience the atmospheric magic of the cafe, which was closed due to budget cuts.

\r\n\r\n

4. Correct CS Course Names

\r\n\r\n

As a CS major, this is very personal to me. The CS department last year added a 0 to the end of all course names, a decision that I can and will ignore. However, I recently met a freshman who pronounced CS124/1240 (pronounced CS1-24) as CS 12-40. After intense questioning, I further discovered that CS120(1-20) was 12-hundred, CS181(1-81) was 18-10, and so on. WHAT! Do I have dust as bones? How is it possible to feel this old?

\r\n\r\n

5. Taking GenEds Pass/Fail

\r\n\r\n

Although this doesn’t personally affect me, I do sympathize with future Harvard students who no longer have the cop-out called taking a Gen Ed pass/fail. Whether Harvard’s decision will ultimately be a correct one is beyond me, but I will say that there will likely be many more stressed students in Gen Eds going forward.

\r\n\r\n

6. That Gate Near Canaday

\r\n\r\n

You know that gate to the Science Center near Canaday that has a vent that always spews suspicious hot air at you? No? Because it’s always closed so you never use it? Well, if it was ever open, you would really miss it. I promise. I blame this gate closure for adding at least a minute to my daily commute to the Science Center.

\r\n\r\n

7. The Inn

\r\n\r\n

I heard someone say recently that they saw a turkey by “The Dome.” Honey, this is Harvard, not Las Vegas. Dome from Domus? Very original… totally missed out on the opportunity for the name Hotel-iot. Or Eliotel. Until I’m able to walk down Mass Ave and see flashing lights and a giant LED sphere, I don’t want it.

\r\n\r\n

8. Ice Cream

\r\n\r\n

Before there was Dole Whip there was Oatly soft serve, and before that there was even fro-yo. I don’t miss the fro-yo… but the Oatly made for a great topping on a microwaved brownie. Wow, I miss those days of glory… and you should too (even if you weren’t here to experience them)!

\r\n\r\n

9. Some of the Trees in Harvard Yard

\r\n\r\n

I just want to bring attention to the fact that every year I see at least one tree cut down… but I never see them planted… I think my deforestation class taught me about this…. or maybe I’m just missing the forest for, you know, the trees.

\r\n\r\n

And the list goes on. Without Tasty Basty and even the real Queen’s Head Pub, the future generations of Harvard will truly never know it like us old folk do. Take this as your sign to savor the moment, even if that moment is a paper to-go box, before future classes cannot!

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-7dd84a2119fa7f5c140d2edfc2384925fc1dc418}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/thumbnails.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/21/013148_1381357.png.1500x877_q95_crop-smart_upscale.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Gatekept greatness.', hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])

('

{shortcode-27b1f290ac048343b735845444b13f09ae0b9dec}

\r\n\r\n

This weekend brought perfect fall weather, the emergence of pumpkin spice treats, and thousands of people descending upon the Charles in their Patagonias, Vineyard Vine vests, and L.L. Bean boots to watch the Head of the Charles — because wearing anything else to a rowing event in New England would be classified as a felony.

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Armed with our free TopoChico drinks, we wandered along the Charles to watch HOCR, grab as many free items as possible, and eavesdrop on all the conversations happening. Here is our collection of our favorite quotes from random passersby during HOCR — because no one is truly ever safe from our *crew.*

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

“Aw… look at that future investment banker!! He has a better shot at getting a Goldman Sachs offer than I do,” upon seeing a three-year-old child dressed in Patagonia head-to-toe.

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

“A very emotionally mature man is like a mid female at best… I would never go for any of the rowers here.” Honestly… we agree… but we have questions. So many questions.

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

“Cigarettes over crack? Really??”

\r\n\r\n

“Well, which one do you think is more economical?” This calls for a Pareto efficiency curve.

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

“I hate podcasts… why would I want to listen to more voices in my head?” Should we check in?

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

"I'm feeling really row-mantic right now." Unfortunately for this young chap, chivalry is in fact dead. His girlfriend, whom he tried to hold hands with while saying this, proceeded to walk away. Womp womp.

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

“Do you think a tornado is rigid or flexible?” You’re confused??? Us too. Honestly, I’d place my bets on rigid.

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

“Wait, so the boats just… go? And then come back? And that’s it?” Two guys who were a bit confused about why thousands of people came to watch random kids in boats race.

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Here at Flyby, we had a great time listening to the Head of the Charles crowd make waves. Hope you did too, and see you by the river next year.

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-27b1f290ac048343b735845444b13f09ae0b9dec}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/20/045815_1381333.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Whatever floats your boat.', hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])

('

{shortcode-810371be614581f3a87ac2762a1c923efdbb5359}

\r\n\r\n

Your resident Danoff Dean expert is back and ready for more. More embarrassment, more glaze, more blackmail content for my friends to lord over me twenty years down the line. But momentary cringe is a small price to pay for the immersive, on-the-ground journalism you are all yearning for.

\r\n\r\n

That’s right: I’ve decided to take one for the team and return to my humble beginnings of recreating Harvard dean photos that somehow rival the cringe factor of your grandma’s posts on Facebook. Hey, on the bright side, at least nothing can be worse than that one time I willingly got on all fours to recreate former Dean Khurana’s Harvard-Yale photos…

\r\n\r\n

Ok, but back to the task at hand. Ah, Dean Deming. I must admit, I’m still kind of riding the high of seeing my “DMing with Deming” idea come to life on your Instagram. And boy, has it taken over your page. Potentially to my own detriment, I must say, because attempting to find still shots of you to recreate was as challenging as snagging a drink at Cafe Gato Rajo at 11:47 a.m. (iykyk). So, until we can diversify your content mediums a bit and put that selfie stick of yours to good use, please forgive the fact that most of these “photos” are just screenshots from your videos.

\r\n\r\n

Nonchalant Male in the Wild

\r\n\r\n

{shortcode-c021c0814254135a93b06a229b667174d5507e9d}

\r\n\r\n

In the heart of Harvard Yard, the dean moves with ease. Every step is measured. Calculated. He leaves his University Hall sanctuary, ready to extend a helping hand to overwhelmed freshmen during move-in. A burst of speed, a moment of chaos, and a tipped-over box fan. A flurry of welcomes and handshakes with eager parents leaves him in need of a reprieve… That’s where the nonchalant persona kicks in.

\r\n\r\n

During these unprecedented times marked by an epidemic of nonchalant performative men, Dean Deming’s authentic, photo-op-ready self is a beacon of hope. No matcha or bell hooks in sight — just an appreciation for the stunningly crimson PAF move-in shirt and a classic pair of sunglasses. Absolutely no frills or fuss about it, just the way it should be. I urge you all to try striking this too-cool-for-school pose whenever you’re down in the dumps and starting to veer off into chalant territory. It works wonders.

\r\n\r\n

Breakfast Mukbang

\r\n\r\n

{shortcode-547b895452566c966fc25aa21c478c3cb03e1e48}

\r\n\r\n

Well, well, well. If it isn’t a hot breakfast sandwich in the wild, trying — and failing — to make people forget that Quincy’s the only house with hot breakfast (#besthouseforareason). But hey, I couldn’t knock it ‘til I tried it, and that I did. Do I regret the experience? Perhaps, but that’s mainly my fault for trying to recreate a breakfast sandwich during dinner hours when the only sandwich bar offerings were cheese and lettuce. Yes, you read that correctly: that sandwich I’m eating only had cheese and lettuce. Cheese. And. Lettuce. 0.2/10.

\r\n\r\n

In the end, though, my lack of panini press knowledge does not truly matter. I will happily continue to be spoiled with my hot, non-sandwich options even if that means putting up with a crowded dhall. And yes, Quincy’s dhall is still packed even after the introduction of these breakfast sandwiches, so what does that really tell us… Maybe it’s time for another Deming in the dhalls video to get to the bottom of this? Put me in coach!

\r\n\r\n

The Mannequin Challenge

\r\n\r\n

{shortcode-e3a99b07e16d8ecf3aad132ba289b5a28ab8d50d}

\r\n\r\n

The longer I look at these photos side by side, the harder it is to tell them apart in my totally humble and unbiased opinion. I mean, aside from the purple karaoke mic and white wall, the essence of the original photo is there. Look at all those happy faces! Rest assured, my other roommates behind the camera are smiling too. Nothing screams joy quite like street-style interviews — just ask any of the content creators you see in the Yard.

\r\n\r\n

Tonight, We Steal the Moon Ivy League Championship

\r\n\r\n

{shortcode-8a93c9597aec37d0d253018b6fa6ce8a3c4740c4}

\r\n\r\n

Now, it was getting way past my bedtime. My outfit changes were taking longer and longer, and my cheeks were hurting more and more from having to retake every photo. Safe to say, I was gaining a newfound appreciation for those college TikTokers and influencers. They truly are a different breed. In serious need of rallying, it was time to do what Harvard students do best. Show some school spirit.

\r\n\r\n

Ok, but I am totally a hypocrite because the only Harvard merch I could find was my Housing Day shirt circa 2024. That and the “One Crimson” sweatshirt that somehow becomes every freshman’s uniform of choice from October to March (#canonevent). While the jersey numbers certainly do not match, it’s the thought that counts. 24 or 29? Potato, Potahto. It’s all the same in my books. As for the stadium full of fired-up students, Quincy’s Qube library is basically the equivalent, but with more fluorescent lighting and blood, sweat, and tears shed by the students trapped inside. New Harvard-Brown 2026 location??

\r\n\r\n

Invisible String

\r\n\r\n

{shortcode-2376f976c2a2d0349f4f183d388a89c67d322912}

\r\n\r\n

Before you come for me, I know this is definitely a cop-out since it’s not a recreation but rather an original in the flesh. But as part of the post that started it all for @deandeming (peep yours truly in the top right corner), I couldn’t leave it out.

\r\n\r\n

In the same way a third-grade teacher would gush over her students’ class pictures, I feel like a proud mother knowing that this is the first completely leveled, head-on photo of the student body on a dean’s Instagram in a while. With a bar already this high, I cannot wait to see what other major achievements lie in Deming’s chronically online future. You already know that it’ll be the first to report on (cough cough recreate) them.

\r\n\r\n

If these five photos tell you anything, it’s that the fun has only just begun. Creative ideas are a-brewing, and videos are already being pumped out faster than students flocking to a “free food in the dhall” email. So while we may have mourned the loss of the Khuranagram, it seems like the Demingram will be just as strong and entertaining. Happy scrolling, folks!

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-810371be614581f3a87ac2762a1c923efdbb5359}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/17/024317_1381251.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Seeing Double.', hovertext=None, contributors=, ]>), ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-c021c0814254135a93b06a229b667174d5507e9d}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/17/015735_1381242.png', nofilm=False, pos='right', size='xlarge', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Courtesy of @deandeming and Lauren T. Wong.', hovertext=None, contributors=]>), ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-547b895452566c966fc25aa21c478c3cb03e1e48}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/17/015839_1381243.png', nofilm=False, pos='right', size='xlarge', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Courtesy of @deandeming.', hovertext=None, contributors=]>), ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-e3a99b07e16d8ecf3aad132ba289b5a28ab8d50d}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/17/015937_1381244.png', nofilm=False, pos='right', size='xlarge', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Courtesy of @deandeming and Esther Cho.', hovertext=None, contributors=]>), ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-8a93c9597aec37d0d253018b6fa6ce8a3c4740c4}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/17/020026_1381245.png', nofilm=False, pos='right', size='xlarge', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Courtesy of @deandeming and Esther Cho.', hovertext=None, contributors=]>), ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-2376f976c2a2d0349f4f183d388a89c67d322912}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/17/020144_1381246.png', nofilm=False, pos='right', size='xlarge', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Courtesy of @deandeming.', hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])

('

{shortcode-4184d7c0bdbfa92ea9bdecad24cdc780f0e57949}

\r\n\r\n

As I sit here in my third year at this small liberal arts institution just outside of Boston, I’m nearing the end of my academic career and am forced to confront the looming fate of adulting. So if there is any impact I have on this near-400-year-old place, I want to be remembered as the Flyby writer who forever changed the academic landscape. No years-long, committee-led curriculum review needed: Here’s my take on the new concentrations Harvard needs. For, you know, intellectual vitality.

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Expository Studies

\r\n\r\n

For yappers, devil’s advocates, and anyone who believes that argumentation is fun. Born from the ashes of Expos 20 and the adrenaline highs of Expos 40, this concentration trains students to weaponize nuance, constructing elaborate rhetorical pyramids that ultimately lead our society nowhere, but nonetheless, looking brilliant doing it. Here, every opinion is aggressively qualified, every thesis is bold, and no sentence ends without a caveat. Ideal for students who say “I just think it’s interesting…” as a threat, and for anyone whose toxic trait is drafting a counterargument in their head before the other person has finished talking.

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Natural Studies (ESPP 2.0, new and improved)

\r\n\r\n

A modern update to Environmental Science and Public Policy, Natural Studies is for the student who’s less “carbon markets” and more “touch grass.” This concentration centers embodied environmentalism, so think: less lab reports, more launching yourself into hedges at high speeds to truly connect with the foliage. Students will grapple with urgent planetary questions like: What does it mean to vibe sustainably in a post-wild world? Core requirements include “Primal Scream: A Bioacoustic Analysis,” “Applied Bush Jumping,” and “Field Methods in Forest Frolicking.”

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Influencer Theory

\r\n\r\n

A major in ring lights and ambiguity. Influenced (literally and figuratively) by my neighbor and the growing number of students quietly becoming media personalities between section and HUDS soft serve, it’s finally time Harvard trends toward modernity. This concentration explores the cultural, economic, and existential implications of life online — blending media studies, sociology, business, and the occasional sponsored beverage haul. Students will interrogate the algorithm as both oppressor and bestie, learn to navigate the ethics of monetizing personality, and write entire theses in the second person. Capstone? Go viral. Sustain it. Survive it.
\r\n

\r\n\r\n

Applied Vibing

\r\n\r\n

For those whose academic strength lies in appearing intellectually overwhelmed while doing absolutely nothing. A concentration in philosophy, music theory, nap strategy, and elite-tier performative idleness, Applied Vibing is where the chronically unbothered meet the existentially over-it. The core curriculum includes “The Metaphysics of Looking Like You’re Deep in Thought,” “Postcolonial Lo-Fi Beats to Study and Dissociate To,” and “Matcha: Aesthetic Signaling in the Late Anthropocene.” Students are required to maintain a GPA (General Perception of Aesthetic) of at least 3.7, with regular fieldwork in public spaces like Smith, Blank Street Coffee, and that one sunny patch of grass on MAC Lawn. Ideal for anyone who drinks iced matcha year-round, wears scarves in May, and has a Notes app full of half-written poems and dinner plans they’ll cancel last minute for vibe maintenance.
\r\n

\r\n\r\n

Temporal Dynamics & Competitive Participation (TDCP)

\r\n\r\n

A concentration for the overstretched, overscheduled, and over-it. TDCP explores the intricate science of saying “yes” to 12 things and doing 5, but doing them so well no one questions your sleep schedule (or your sanity). Students in this concentration are masters of G-cal gymnastics, Canvas tab warfare, and the ancient ritual of comping three publications, two performance groups, and one consulting club — all in the same week. Courses include “Advanced Time Blocking: Theory and Practice,” “Comping and the Competitive Spirit: A Cultural History,” and “The Chaos Seminar (Cross-Listed with Philosophy & Physics).” Final projects must demonstrate either: 1) surviving a semester on less than 12 hours of sleep per week, or 2) successfully explaining your schedule to your parents without crying.

\r\n\r\n

Business

\r\n\r\n

I’m a Government major, but if Harvard offered Business, I’d double major faster than you can say “coffee chat.”

\r\n\r\n

And there you have it! I’ll be waiting for the day that Harvard finds a way to incorporate these concentrations into their handbooks. Until then, I’ll wait for my special concentration application to be approved.

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-4184d7c0bdbfa92ea9bdecad24cdc780f0e57949}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/thumbnails.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/16/074909_1381212.png.1500x877_q95_crop-smart_upscale.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Intellectual Vitality.', hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])

('

{shortcode-b61048f73e1eca169e7bfd758b83dc8eea2dc1d8}

\r\n\r\n

Go to study spot?

\r\n\r\n

A: My House library

\r\n\r\n

B: Cabot Science Center

\r\n\r\n

C: Lamont

\r\n\r\n

Midnight study meal?

\r\n\r\n

A: Joe’s

\r\n\r\n

B: Whatever is in the closest vending machine

\r\n\r\n

C: Jefe’s

\r\n\r\n

When did you start studying?

\r\n\r\n

A: A couple days ago.

\r\n\r\n

B: A week ago mentally, tonight physically.

\r\n\r\n

C: A week ago, actually.

\r\n\r\n

What are you listening to?

\r\n\r\n

A: Nothing…

\r\n\r\n

B: Pre-Function Hype Playlist. I must trick my mind.

\r\n\r\n

C: Classical Music

\r\n\r\n

Who are you studying with?

\r\n\r\n

A: My friends in the class… this is solidarity.

\r\n\r\n

B: Whoever I recognize in the library.

\r\n\r\n

C: Alone, duh.

\r\n\r\n

Results:
\r\nMostly A’s: Mildly Cooked

\r\n\r\n

You are going to be okay. I wouldn’t necessarily want to be in your position, but you are probably going to be above the average. You know enough to look smart when your (cooked) friends ask you questions, but you don’t know enough to actually get a score that matches your perceived intelligence. But I wouldn’t worry. It’s only the midterm, and you’ll scrape by with a passable grade. Good job. Hope I didn’t jinx you.

\r\n\r\n

Mostly B’s: Go Ahead And Log Off For Me

\r\n\r\n

Yeah, I’m not even going to try to ease your pain here; you are done for. There is no chance that you are getting a good grade, unless you are a genius. Even if you think you are naturally above average at the subject, you still need to review. And chances are, you aren’t giving yourself enough time, aren’t giving yourself enough fuel, and aren’t giving yourself enough sleep to achieve a good score. Maybe start sooner next time. Finals is your comeback season, trust. Or maybe we consider pass/fail.

\r\n\r\n

Mostly C’s: You Are Defo Throwing Off The Curve

\r\n\r\n

You are going to piss everyone off in a couple of days when the Prof projects the score-curve onto the screen, and you get a 98. Yeah. But, to be fair, you deserve it. Don’t let the influx of salty SideChat warriors make you feel bad about yourself. You worked hard. You studied early. You took care of yourself. And you set yourself up for success in the class. Go ahead and buy yourself a sweet treat as a reward for your valiant efforts, and breathe easier knowing you don’t have to work half as hard as your classmates will during finals season. Maybe start playing your Christmas playlist now, to get into that holiday joy they’ll be deprived of.

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-b61048f73e1eca169e7bfd758b83dc8eea2dc1d8}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/15/035233_1381143.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Are you cooked or cooking?', hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])

('

{shortcode-659168375c1120253c4bdeb5d77156359b8eaf2c}

\r\n\r\n

Back in May, the Faculty of Arts and Sciences announced that the Barker Cafe would become the latest casualty of budget cuts, leaving a gaping hole in the Barker Center and the hearts of English concentrators campus-wide. What was once the perfect place to spend your BoardPlus on a smoothie and finish writing that paper you were procrastinating on now remains empty and shut away from the world. And though no coffee shop will ever match the amount of natural light that poured in through the windows of the Barker Cafe, we all have to move on eventually.

\r\n\r\n

Which raises the question, where are all the Barker Cafe regulars (aka the indie kids and the performative humanities concentrators) going now?

\r\n\r\n

The first and most obvious place is Cafe Gato Rojo. Home of the iced matcha with the widest cult following at Harvard, open mic nights, and a similarly bizarre location in the basement of Lehman Hall, Cafe Gato Rojo has always shared its target demographic with the late Barker Cafe. In a similar vein, Lamont Cafe — though lacking in its aesthetics — remains a tried and true BoardPlus coffee spot, now with longer hours.

\r\n\r\n

Another likely place to find the past Barker regulars may be the Faro Cafe, just on the corner of Arrow Street. Known for its vibrant atmosphere, Faro embodies the energy of the now-deceased Barker. The only caveat stopping it from being the clear successor is its laptop-free policy.

\r\n\r\n

Those looking for a place with more hustle and bustle might be found with their notebooks open and an iced latte at Peet’s Coffee. If they’re particularly missing the muffins from the Barker Cafe, they might be found with a sweet treat at Flour. If they’re dedicated to drinking good quality (overpriced) coffee, they may be found people-watching from Blue Bottle Coffee with their Goyard totes in tow.

\r\n\r\n

Whatever the case, the death of the Barker Cafe has had a profound impact on the Harvard community and will be greatly missed by everyone who knew it. It is survived by the English department, the turkeys who frequent the outside of Clowes Rotunda, and some very sad Flyby writers.

\r\n\r\n', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-659168375c1120253c4bdeb5d77156359b8eaf2c}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/14/020419_1381095.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption="Barker Center's last brew.", hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])

('

{shortcode-09154bba491caaeb5317a57481f68b30a08d5b8b}

\r\n\r\n

Grace E. St. Laurent ‘28, Molecular and Cellular Biology & Comparative Study of Religion:

\r\n\r\n

I declared a double in two fields that I am constantly convincing my advisors are related (they are, I pinky promise). I did this so that I could see the light leave my parents' eyes when I say religion and enter the med school admission officers' eyes when they realized I’m *quirky*. In truth, I needed a safe space to go to when I am personally victimized by Chem 17, and that haven has been the 3rd floor of Barker with the Religion department. Cheers to embracing a liberal arts education!

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Emilie P. Mendoza ‘28, Romance Languages and Literatures & English:

\r\n\r\n

I originally came to Harvard for Comparative Literature, so declaring a double is kind of a more specific version of that, with a lot more structure. Basically, I like to read. A lot. In multiple languages. And now I can make a bomb latte. Long live letters!

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Victoria Chen ‘28, Psychology (MBB Track) & Statistics:

\r\n\r\n

(Preface: I write this as I should be studying for the Stat 110 midterm, which may or may not decide the fate of my double . . . ) I came in already interested in Psych, specifically in developmental and educational research. Then, after realizing research is literally half stats, I decided doing just that would make life a lot easier! Now I get to think about thinking all day (and how our intuitions are wrong 90% of the time!).

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Christiana L. Zembrowski ‘28, English:

\r\n\r\n

I have remained firm on my major since applying to college, and even the sometimes (most times) dreadful English required courses couldn’t deter me — that’s how you know I am dedicated. By studying English, I feel connected to the history of everything that came before me and have access to the knowledge of the entire world. I believe that it makes me a better thinker and a better person. As for what I'll do postgrad… I don’t know. I will either be a killer lawyer or a mean Starbucks shift manager — we'll see wherever the wind blows me.

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Cristian D. Dominguez ‘28, Bioengineering:

\r\n\r\n

While some may think declaring this concentration means immediate homicide to any social life outside of the SEC and its respective shuttles, I beg to differ. Bioengineering is just a way to test myself to see if I can handle 500 PSETs and still go out on the weekends. Will I fail this challenge? Probably. Will this be the last time anyone hears from me for the next three years? Absolutely. People believe any form of STEM concentration is derived from masochism, and I agree, but hey, we all choose Harvard for a reason.

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Bianca M. Egan ‘28, History and Science and Classics:

\r\n\r\n

This fun combination is because I just can’t get enough of history, and I don’t seem to mind the lack of employment opportunities. I also love having a chunky and weird Harvard intro, so that’s a super fun plus. Thesising will also be a blast, because no one knows more about science than people who thought the earth was flat. And finally, to preemptively answer your questions: I also don’t really understand what classics is, and no, I’m not premed.

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Jessica R. Li ‘28, Chemistry:

\r\n\r\n

The most common question I get is “Are you premed?” The answer is no. Do I just like torturing myself? I guess. I will say chemistry is so cool. I love going to our $50M lab, accidentally spraying my TF head-to-toe with high-pressure water, obtaining 600% error, then strutting out earlier than everyone else (#girlsinstem). Through my classes, I’ve learned how to synthesize meth, fentanyl, and TNT, some even from commercial-grade products you can buy on Amazon. I must thank Harvard for this excellent education, although there are LOWS. The average on my most recent chem midterm was a 57, but an olympiad-winner freshman somehow scored a perfect 100, which made me go outside, touch some grass, and reconsider my life choices.

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Cassidy M. Cheng ’28, Neuroscience (MBB track):

\r\n\r\n

I like thinking about what makes our little lizard brains tick and do silly things like sign up for too many pset classes per semester, convince yourself you’ll survive, and stay alert when overcaffeinated, overtired, and stuck in 4-hour Chem17 labs (yes, I’m also possibly premed) — which led me to neuroscience! Shoutout to the MBB track because now I can also add random courses every semester and convince the advisors that they totally connect to the study of the mind.

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Christian Serrano ‘28, Economics and English:

\r\n\r\n

Are people confused when they hear Economics and *English* instead of something like Government, Computer Science, or Statistics? Well yes! But they’re also intrigued – which is great, because to be an interdisciplinary baddie is to be a fierce visionary. Honestly, I enjoy being at the intersection of so many different quantitative, qualitative, analytical, and creative skillsets. Think numbers, graphs, formulas – with a touch of whimsy. It’s nice to come home after hours of psetting and read pretty words that give me goosebumps. Other times, I somehow miss the good ol’ supply and demand curves while reading endless pages of Foucault or Bakhtin (holy dense).

\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Alyssa J. Kerley ‘28, Psychology (MBB):

\r\n\r\n

I came into college planning to study psychology. I did this because I hate having a career and lack a strong father figure. I’m shooting for an MD/PhD to be a child psychiatrist because if I don’t spend the next 20 years in education, I'll spend them getting body modifications and falling victim to the agenda. Right now, I’m using my super useful education to use smelling salts to Pavlov myself into being able to wake up to my alarm.

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-09154bba491caaeb5317a57481f68b30a08d5b8b}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/thumbnails.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/10/004843_1381012.png.1500x877_q95_crop-smart_upscale.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Happy Concentration Declaration Day!', hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])

('

{shortcode-3c26ac5693ab3de4c8c519997810e3a3538fef96}

\r\n\r\n

Ah, Harvard English! This is for you! You, who have been the most prominent aspect of my “formative years,” or so they’re called. You, who have allowed me to read and read and read some more, inducing both laughter and tears, both joy and sorrow. You, who have at times betrayed me (shoutout to English 10, circa Fall 2024). You, who make my experience at Harvard so lovely, so full of joy. This is for you.

\r\n\r\n

Those of you who look piteously upon me when I tell you I have to read 200 pages of Bleak House by Charles Dickens by Monday do not understand. Being an English concentrator is genuinely just getting a Harvard degree for reading books that, honestly, we should all be reading anyway. Sometimes, this reading comes at the expense of my sleep, my social life, and my mental health. But who needs all that when they have Charles Dickens to intricately explain the 19th-century bureaucracy for 700 pages? Not me, that’s for sure!

\r\n\r\n

Being an English concentrator also entails learning how to write better. What will this skill be useful for when AI takes over completely in 10 years, who’s to say. As an English major, I need not concern myself with an internship, a job, or a prospective career. I need only concern myself with the 10-page paper on illness in Frankenstein by Mary Shelley. Would I be an English major if I were concerned with any of that other nonsense?

\r\n\r\n

Ah, Harvard English! I have done well by you in the last two years. There is little to truly complain about, when push comes to shove. I get to read, to write, and to experience the great thinking and imagining that has come before my time. Better yet, I get to locate myself in that tradition. How lucky can one Harvard student be!

\r\n\r\n

If you, freshmen and sophomores, are looking for the holistic liberal arts education that is offered by Harvard and are as unconcerned with obtaining a job as I am (I’m super unconcerned. Totally unbothered. Not worried at all. *insert nervous laughter*) concentrate in English!

\r\n\r\n

No, for real. Do it.

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-3c26ac5693ab3de4c8c519997810e3a3538fef96}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/thumbnails.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/15/033236_1381140.jpg.1500x1042_q95_crop-smart_upscale.jpg', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption="It's a transformative learning experience.", hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])

('

{shortcode-68b9d9405d2a367a373f72798bff519514d50969}

\r\n\r\n

Harvard’s decided to crack down on hazing under a new federal law. Blindfolds, drinking, and a conga line? That’s worth a suspension, according to the College. Now that to me just sounds like a boring Saturday night on campus. (Don’t judge.) So, I’ve decided to compile a list, in lieu of a formal complaint, of Harvard experiences that should now be designated as hazing. Maybe we could suspend them, too.

\r\n\r\n

Chem 17 Midterm
\r\nSleep deprivation? Check. Emotional damage? Check. An unavoidable initiation into the pre-med lifestyle? Check. I studied for nearly 20 hours in three days for one singular test — and was still thrown for a loop. The course in question is known as a “weeder class,” and I’m pretty sure it deliberately tries to be exclusive… What happened to our community’s value of belonging? In fact, all midterms and finals, everywhere, equate my self-worth with a number.

\r\n\r\n

SEC Walk
\r\nWhose bright idea was it to create a class building 30 minutes away from campus? And then we’re going to send every student who takes an engineering-adjacent class on a trek to Allston? Couple that with an unreliable shuttle service (do better, PassioGo) and it becomes a physical challenge students must embark on unwillingly, rain or shine.

\r\n\r\n

Icebreaker Questions
\r\nFrom section meetings to entryway study breaks, why do I always have to search the depths of my soul for two truths and a lie? I swear my life becomes instantly uninteresting the moment I am asked for my rose, bud, and thorn. And yet, answer this question I must, to a conglomerated mass of my peers (all of whom are clearly judging me). Will I be considered cool enough to warrant a knowing smile or even a passing moment of steady eye contact? Only my next words will tell.

\r\n\r\n

Paying for Laundry
\r\nI’ve spoken on it before and I’ll speak on it again. Charging $1.75 per load is like forcing me to cough up my lunch money or spend the next week wallowing in enforced smelliness. Feed into the Harvard bureaucracy, or risk losing all your friends because they won’t sit next to you in lecture.

\r\n\r\n

Interhouse Dining Restrictions
\r\nThis one involves the withholding of food, coupled with personal embarrassment as I once again beg to be let into the Eliot Inn during lunch. I once told my friend that Harvard has 13 dining halls but we could only go to one, and they were flabbergasted. But alas, my Cabot laptop sticker marks me as definitively not a member of Eliot, and my apparent lack of a Fete invite or guest swipe makes my Eliot-friendless state a barrier between me and my lunch.

\r\n\r\n

Hazing is serious business and no laughing matter. Harvard’s initiation rites, on the other hand, are hopefully worth a few laughs — and perhaps the courage to stand up to them. Anyone want to join my laundry strike? I’m waiting.

\r\n\r\n

\r\nWe all know Harvard’s recent hazing crack down has been punitive and wide reaching. Recently, the Harvard-Radcliffe Orchestra has been suspended for blindfolding, drinking, and sharing their hopes and fears. Now that to me just sounds like a boring Saturday night on campus. The level of mental duress this school puts me under far outweighs the pain of being in a conga line during a weekend retreat. So, I’ve decided to compile a list– in lieu of a formal complaint– of Harvard experiences that should be newly considered hazing (and potentially be suspended too).

\r\n\r\n

All jokes aside, hazing is a serious issue on college campuses. The Stop Campus Hazing Act aims to reduce unsafe initiation processes that can be physically, emotionally, and psychologically dangerous to students. Any practices that are determined to be hazing by independent review should be dealt with appropriately. That being said, the next time you find yourself in one of these situations don’t hesitate to speak up!

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-68b9d9405d2a367a373f72798bff519514d50969}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/08/134309_1380948.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption=None, hovertext=None, contributors=, ]>)])

('

{shortcode-d9c02a790e784d1c942454207f85f1da95b2ea5f}

\r\n\r\n

With the change of seasons, Sick Season is rolling around. Here are some tips and tricks to stay healthy.

\r\n\r\n

1. Say No!

\r\n\r\n

Consent is everything, people. Honestly, just refuse to let the germs enter your body, and you’ll be perfectly fine. Establish firm boundaries with all pathogens.

\r\n\r\n

2. Avoid Freshmen at All Costs

\r\n\r\n

Freshman flu is infectious and absolutely lethal if you catch it. Avoid any and all possible contact with freshmen, and definitely steer clear of Cabot Library. If you see a lanyard, hold your breath and run in the opposite direction.

\r\n\r\n

3. Treat Yourself

\r\n\r\n

Hot chocolate, warm apple cider, chai… the list goes on and on. Stay hydrated with a nice warm drink and consider it a necessary immunity boost. Your body is a temple, and that temple requires a $7 beverage to function. We don’t make the rules.

\r\n\r\n

4. Sleep?

\r\n\r\n

Even just a semblance of a sleep schedule is better than taking sporadic naps throughout the day. We know you’re doing your pset at 3 a.m., but your immune system is begging you to reconsider your life choices. Try going to bed before midnight at least once this week. Your body will thank you. Your grades might suffer, but at least you won’t be hacking up a lung.

\r\n\r\n

5. Touch Grass

\r\n\r\n

Go outside, touch grass (before the sneezes kick in again), go on a walk around the Charles, and cherish the last few days of nice weather we have. Yes, you have three essays due and a pset you haven’t started, but vitamin D deficiency is real. You might get hit by an aggressive biker or scooterer, but honestly, that’s still better than whatever’s circulating in the Yard right now.

\r\n\r\n

6. Wash Your Hands

\r\n\r\n

We’re definitely judging if we don’t see you wash your hands properly. That little rinse under cold water for 2.3 seconds? Not cutting it. We’re talking a full 40-second, soap-involved, Happy-Birthday-twice commitment.

\r\n\r\n

7. Eat Vegetables

\r\n\r\n

Revolutionary, we know. Your body actually needs more than caffeine and sweet treats. There are nutritional benefits to vegetables. We’re begging you: eat something green that isn’t matcha.

\r\n\r\n

8. Manage Stress

\r\n\r\n

Yeah, we’re just going to skip this one. You have three midterms, two papers, and a group project that’s giving you high school PTSD. Keep trying your best king. We believe in you, even if your workload doesn’t.

\r\n\r\n

9. Laughter

\r\n\r\n

Who needs medicine when you have Flyby to supply you with infectious laughs? As they say, laughter is the best medicine. But watch out though — it can be pretty contagious.

\r\n\r\n

10. Give Up and Go to HUHS

\r\n\r\n

Sometimes you might actually just need medical attention. The “little cough” you’ve had for two weeks? Might not be just allergies. And no, asking your pre-med roommate doesn’t count as seeking professional help. Swallow your pride, book the appointment, and accept your fate in the waiting room.

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-d9c02a790e784d1c942454207f85f1da95b2ea5f}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/07/052607_1380928.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Germs need your consent.', hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])

('

{shortcode-119a0f679da154a1e5149b1d70e2483f8ca21784}

\r\n\r\n

Lamont Library has always been my go-to place to work — I’ve spent countless hours there, possibly even months if we’re being honest, which is slightly depressing, but we’re not unpacking that right now. I’ve oscillated between the first and third floors depending on my mental state and level of desperation. It’s one of the few places where I could find peace and tranquility to concentrate and escape the noise and chaos of campus life — or at least I used to be able to.

\r\n\r\n

When I walked into Lamont this year on a fairly normal Wednesday night (assignment deadline: 11:59 p.m., my arrival time: 9:47 p.m.), I was ready to lock in and settle into my usual spot on the first floor, which had been reliably quiet for the past two years. A sanctuary. A haven.

\r\n\r\n

But something had changed. Something sinister.

\r\n\r\n

Instead of silence, I was met with continuous chatter. Not even the occasional whisper that you can passive-aggressively sigh at. No, these were full-volume OUTSIDE VOICES. I craned my neck to try to stare down the offending group to get them to lower their voices. But instead of shame and whispered apologies, I was met with an indifferent eye-roll, as if I were the one committing crimes against humanity.

\r\n\r\n

And then I realized: this was not an isolated incident. This was not just one rogue group of freshmen. There were MULTIPLE groups of freshmen, scattered across the first floor. It was an invasion. A violation of Lamont’s sanctity.

\r\n\r\n

Still holding onto hope and sheer desperation, I fled to the Farnsworth Room on the third floor — the SILENT floor, the floor so sacred that even clearing your throat feels like a felony. And there, in that hallowed space, I witnessed a freshman playing their music out loud. No earbuds. Just raw, unfiltered music assaulting everyone within a 15-foot radius.

\r\n\r\n

So dear freshmen,

\r\n\r\n

The basement in Lamont exists for a REASON, and that reason is YOU. Cabot Library is literally right across the Yard — a whole separate building where you can socialize. Have you ever stepped into a library before? Did you skip the part in elementary school where they explain indoor voice etiquette and how to behave in a library? Were you perhaps homeschooled by wolves?

\r\n\r\n

Lamont has silent floors for a reason — why else would I trek all the way from Mather, if not for the promise of SILENCE?

\r\n\r\n

Just in case you never had the chance to visit a library before arriving at one of the world’s most prestigious universities (no judgment, but also how), let me explain how good manners can make the library a pleasant place for everyone! It’s quite simple if you follow these three rules:

\r\n\r\n

1. Maintain Quiet: This means using your inside voice. You know, the one you were supposed to develop in kindergarten? On silent floors, you should step outside to have conversations, even if you’re just breathing loudly. Think about acting like a library mime, or taking a vow of silence.

\r\n\r\n

2. Eat/Drink in Designated Areas Only: Yes, LamCaf exists. Yes, it’s right there. No, you may not bring your Jefe’s/Felipe’s burrito bowl to the third floor. I don’t care if you’re “studying through dinner” — the person next to you should not be able to identify that you ordered extra guac. Save your three-course meal for literally anywhere else.

\r\n\r\n

3. Use Earbuds: This one seems obvious, but it requires clarification nonetheless. When you choose to play audio on your device, other people should not be able to hear it. It’s a crazy concept, I know! Earbuds are not just a fashion accessory. They serve a specific purpose. That purpose is preventing me from having to hear your brainrot reels on repeat.

\r\n\r\n

There’s a lot to learn at the library! You can also have fun! By using good manners, you can make sure everyone else enjoys their visit too!

\r\n\r\n

I speak for the people — the tired, the stressed, the upperclassmen who remember when Lamont was a place of peace — when I kindly, firmly, and desperately BEG the freshmen to shut up in Lamont. Respectfully. But also urgently. Midterms are approaching, and I simply cannot take it any longer. The silent floors are silent for a reason.

\r\n\r\n

Sincerely,

\r\n\r\n

Someone Who Just Wants To Do Their Readings in Peace

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-119a0f679da154a1e5149b1d70e2483f8ca21784}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/06/045556_1380864.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Please be quiet.', hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])

('

{shortcode-93ce8224a04d1543ea8a9ed041c8a2b4c52a5b9d}

\r\n\r\n

Ever since I started my time at Harvard, I felt like there was a hole in my life, something missing that I deeply yearned for. A part of me that was unable to be expressed due to my choice of college. I battled with this unknown for more than a year, tossing and turning at night wondering what this feeling could be. It was not until one graceful Friday that I finally discovered what I needed.

\r\n\r\n

As I left the FlyBy line (rename it, Harvard.) I opened my email, and in my flooded inbox I spotted something that almost brought me to my knees: the Signet Society was hosting a performative male contest, in three hours. At that moment, I dropped everything I was doing and ran back to my Lowell dorm to change — I just knew this event was the exact thing I had been waiting for. I could finally live up to my performative potential.

\r\n\r\n

The most important part of this contest would be my outfit. It needed to be flawless, from thrifted loafers to an entirely-too-small beanie, I had to embody a true performative male. Unfortunately, as I rummaged through my closet, I was coming up empty. At the end of the day, I had to work with what I had, so I called my most performative friend to be a stylist.

\r\n\r\n

The outfit was simple, yet effective. As a base, I had baggy cargo pants, a Clairo tour t-shirt (half-tucked, of course), a beige short-sleeve button-up, and a pair of skater shoes — honestly, I was dressed like the average Harvard guy. The outfit would be nothing in comparison to my fellow competitors — I predicted — so I had to turn to accessories, and this is where I shone. I boasted an extensive array of jewelry, including a pinky ring made out of a spoon, a tote bag with a speaker to play my Clairo, a carabiner on my belt loop with a heft keychain attached, a hydroflask mug with homemade matcha and, most importantly, two labubus (yes, I own two. No, I do not know why).
\r\n
\r\nI frantically put the final touches on my outfit and rushed to the contest, only to be met with something that shocked me. I was weak compared to the other six contestants — I had to step up my game. A crowd of nearly fifty watched as we went through rounds, expressing gratitude for the beautiful women in our lives, acknowledging the stolen land on which we reside, bonding over our favorite classic feminist literature authors, and sharing stories of how we contribute to advancing the feminist movement on a daily basis.

\r\n\r\n

The contestants dwindled, and I was doing solid, clinching a spot in the top three. The final round would be the ultimate test — I had to outperform the two most performative people I had ever met in a runway-style fashion show. I gave it my all, appealed to the crowd, lied about being an orphan after another competitor said he had two moms and six sisters, showed off my adorned labubus, and did anything I could to win over this crowd of Harvard students with nothing better to do on a Friday afternoon.

\r\n\r\n

Waiting for the results was a nail-biter, and as we three finalists walked out of the Signet House, arm-in-arm, to hear the winner announced, I was met with crushing disappointment. I had placed third in the contest that I had waited more than a year to compete in, to finally express myself. I still carry that immense disappointment to this day on my shoulders. Next time Harvard hosts a performative male contest, trust me, I will be back for vengeance. This time, with loafers, a chai, a thrifted leather jacket, and the knowledge base of a dedicated male feminist.

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-93ce8224a04d1543ea8a9ed041c8a2b4c52a5b9d}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/thumbnails.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/03/022445_1380802.png.1500x1027_q95_crop-smart_upscale.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Labubus, totebags, matcha, oh my!', hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])

('

{shortcode-3176f48ee6cdded16fab2474fb76f5ece4e64f8e}

\r\n\r\n

When one door closes, another door opens. With the Harvard Square Starbucks closing its doors last Saturday, we’re left with a prime piece of real estate and one looming question: what should take its place? Spoiler alert: not another bank.

\r\n\r\n

1. Literally any chain fast food restaurant

\r\n\r\n

Because why do we have to spend an extra $15 for someone to drive us a McChicken when it can be in walking distance!

\r\n\r\n

2. Another Eliot overflow dorm

\r\n\r\n

I wouldn’t doubt it. They’ll really put us anywhere.

\r\n\r\n

3. A rage room

\r\n\r\n

It’s midterm season. Already. Let it out here instead of by sending an emotional email to your TF.

\r\n\r\n

4. An urgent care

\r\n\r\n

So you don’t have to wait one trillion years for HUHS to actually have availability.

\r\n\r\n

5. An REI co-op

\r\n\r\n

For the freshmen who still dream of their FOP days, and for those whose parents forced them to pick Harvard over Dartmouth (looking at you, HOC-ers). And also for those who just want a new water bottle.

\r\n\r\n

6. A laundromat

\r\n\r\n

Because we are all tired of paying for three dryer cycles (with increased pricing, may I remind you) and having our clothes STILL be wet.

\r\n\r\n

7. An Apple Store

\r\n\r\n

So you don’t have to buy a new (off-brand) charger from CVS for $30.

\r\n\r\n

8. The Curious George shop (again)

\r\n\r\n

Because why did this ever leave in the first place. Sad.

\r\n\r\n

9. Another burrito place

\r\n\r\n

Because the four other options weren’t enough.

\r\n\r\n

10. Another boba place

\r\n\r\n

Again, the Harvard Square Business Association obviously doesn’t think we have enough of these either.

\r\n\r\n

11. Another Harvard Shop

\r\n\r\n

Yet again, I don’t think that we have nearly enough of these within walking distance of each other yet.

\r\n\r\n

12. Tasty Basty

\r\n\r\n

Like Tasty Burger, but just the basement. Apparently, people don’t know what this is anymore? Bring back Harvard’s best party venue!

\r\n\r\n

13. A drone performing arts studio

\r\n\r\n

Because Harvard somehow managed to orchestrate an entire drone half-time show while everything else on campus suffered from budget cuts?

\r\n\r\n

14. A scooter store

\r\n\r\n

I am genuinely confused by the scooters here. Where are people athletes buying them? Are they shipped to the mail center? A scooter store makes way more sense than whatever the answers are to those questions.

\r\n\r\n

15. A second Berryline location

\r\n\r\n

The Berryline line is simply too long now that it has gone viral on TikTok. It’s time to expand!

\r\n\r\n

16. A Kirkland House Grille

\r\n\r\n

It really doesn’t sit right with me that Kirkland doesn’t have a grille. They seem like they would. So let’s make it a reality.

\r\n\r\n

17. Another Flyby grab-and-go lunch station

\r\n\r\n

So you can actually make it to class on time with your grab-and-go mozzarella caprese sandwich instead of being late and waiting 15 minutes for it!

\r\n\r\n

No matter what moves in, it’ll be divisive… but at least Harvard students will have something new to complain about!

', [ShortcodeImageGQL(key='{shortcode-3176f48ee6cdded16fab2474fb76f5ece4e64f8e}', image_url='https://s3.amazonaws.com/media.thecrimson.com/photos/2025/10/02/061152_1380770.png', nofilm=False, pos='center', size='large', byline=True, quote=False, quotebyline=False, theme='light', caption='Prime real estate right here', hovertext=None, contributors=]>)])