PRINCETON AT CORNELL

Those students escaping New Haven have a few different options for asylum. Sadly Ithaca, N.Y. doesn’t make the list.

This column has gone to great lengths to point out the difficulties that plague this picturesque town in rural New York—problems that range from a poisonous plant garden to a heroin epidemic, from blocky architecture to Cornell students.

When it rains in Ithaca, it truly pours. Last Friday, for example, nearly three-and-a-half inches of rain—more than an average month’s total!—drenched the campus. Rumor has it that optimistic students abandoned their classwork, knelt in the flooded streets, and began to pray fervently. Finally the apocalypse had come; their Cornell education was over.

Ah, but not yet. After every Biblical rainstorm comes a day of sunshine—meaning another chance to see Ithaca in the light. Sometimes life is a fate worse than death.

That adage applies beautifully to this weekend, when Princeton football will travel to Cornell after a heartbreaking loss to Harvard last Saturday. A word of advice to zookeepers everywhere: Never mess with an angry tiger.

Pick: Princeton 42, Cornell 17

HARVARD AT DARTMOUTH

In recent days, a different kind of beast has tormented the Dartmouth campus. Yes, the bears have arrived.

In this case, a mama bear and three cubs have launched a series of increasingly brazen attacks against ice cream saucers and Goldfish cartons.

Hanover partisans—all three of them—will be quick to note that the last bear fatality in New Hampshire occurred in 1784, meaning before the HUDS strike began. Some students have even greeted the ferocious predator with enthusiasm. “It was like watching Planet Earth,” one said. “It was great.”

This Saturday, when Harvard takes on Dartmouth, spectators might expect to see another Planet Earth staple—the mauling of a small agile animal by a larger predator.

Indeed, the Big Green has started Ivy play 0-3, with losses to Penn, Yale, and Columbia. Yet all these games have been competitive and provided a chance for Dartmouth’s young defense to grow.

Moreover, we shouldn’t forget recent history. Last year the Big Green suffered tragedy in a 14-13 loss to the Crimson. That defeat certainly still stings, and on its homecoming, Dartmouth will come out with fire.

Subtly this matchup is the most unpredictable of the weekend. I have a better chance of surviving a bear attack than picking the right score.