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This is an awkward week to be a Harvard fan.

In order for the Crimson to have a shot at the top spot in the division, it needs two things: a perfect record from here on out, and for Columbia to lose two games. In addition to Harvard, Yale is the last remaining team on the Lions’ schedule that has a reasonable chance to topple the current number one team.

In effect, anyone who wants to see the Crimson with a share of the Ivy League crown should be cheering for the Bulldogs this week. Luckily for me, I am an unbiased reporter devoid of loyalty to any team. From that emptiness, my picks:

DARTMOUTH AT HARVARD

While Yale strips for one quarter of one game, once a year, Dartmouth takes nudity to the next level. Deep in the woods of Hanover, an entire underground organization is dedicated to the activity. The Thursday Night Streaking Club is, well, exactly what the name implies.

Speaking of streaks, the Crimson has won the last 12 games against its rural opponent. But if there was ever a year for that streak to be broken, this is it. The team already lost for the first time ever to Rhode Island and dropped its first matchup in 11 seasons to Cornell.

However, after last week’s loss to Princeton, Harvard has been harping on its fundamentals and will be looking for retribution in front of a friendly crowd this weekend.

Expect the Crimson to jump out early. Why? Because that’s just how Dartmouth likes to play. The team likes to keep things close. There has only been one game this season in which Dartmouth has won by more than three points. The game will probably go down to the wire.

That being said, Dartmouth starts with D, and so does defeat. Coincidence? I think not.

Harvard, 24, Dartmouth, 21.

PENN AT BROWN

Penn has been looking to the stars for its first win. Quite literally. Earlier this month, Quaker physicians helped to observe the collision of two dead stars. This weekend you can do the nearly same by taking a short trip to Providence, R.I., to watch this collision of these two dead, 0-3 teams.

Penn is better than its record would convey. It has lost only to three of the top teams in the conference and only by a combined 11 points. Now, the team is in the home stretch of the season and a quick win here will catalyze forward the resurgence of the Quaker football team.

The application of John F. Kennedy, Jr. to Brown is currently being auctioned online for $85,000. As the document was acquired by a cleaner on real estate of a Brown administrator, the university is currently suing the vendor—alleging stolen property—through a United States District Court in California to prevent the sale of the document.