Associate Editorial Chair
Now that elementary schools in Dover, N.H. have cut buns from lunch menus-,as part of the low-carb craze, educators everywhere will embrace fad dieting. Sadly, preschoolers will have to settle for SlimFast, instead of juice boxes before naptime.
Simon W. Vozick-Levinson ’06
Associate Editorial Chair
The English department’s lamest TF will cancel section for the second time in as many weeks, reviving speculation that last week’s no-show was affected by allegations that that kid who always does the reading doesn’t believe in the Holocaust.
Evan M. Vittor ’06
Guest Predictor: Advertising Manager
After learning donations to the Faculty of Arts and Sciences (FAS) fell $19.9 million short of expectations, Larry Summers will capitalize on the advice of Matt Mahan and make FAS donations mandatory for all alums without any consultation whatsoever.