Stephen W. Stromberg ’05

Editorial Chair

In a desperate attempt to stay in business, the Grolier Poetry Bookshop will go the way of the COOP and outsource its management to the Barnes and Noble Company. Way to go, capitalism!

Benjamin J. Toff ’05

Editorial Chair

Spring weather this weekend, a big name band on the MAC quad, and a good time had by all will signal that the apocalypse is just around the corner...

Morgan R. Grice ’06

Associate Editorial Chair

In the tradition of last year’s Mather Lather debacle, this weekend’s Leverett ’80s dance will prove equally disappointing as eager prefrosh flood the party, forcing it to close its doors after half an hour.

Travis R. Kavulla ’06

Associate Editorial Chair

Don’t expect liberals’ standard outrage to tarnish the United Nations’ reputation as a standard-bearer for all that’s good and true, despite the recent revelation that Secretary-General Kofi Annan’s son skimmed money off Iraq’s oil-for-food budget.

Margaret M. Rossman ’06

Associate Editorial Chair

Now that elementary schools in Dover, N.H. have cut buns from lunch menus-,as part of the low-carb craze, educators everywhere will embrace fad dieting. Sadly, preschoolers will have to settle for SlimFast, instead of juice boxes before naptime.

Simon W. Vozick-Levinson ’06

Associate Editorial Chair

The English department’s lamest TF will cancel section for the second time in as many weeks, reviving speculation that last week’s no-show was affected by allegations that that kid who always does the reading doesn’t believe in the Holocaust.

Evan M. Vittor ’06

Guest Predictor: Advertising Manager

After learning donations to the Faculty of Arts and Sciences (FAS) fell $19.9 million short of expectations, Larry Summers will capitalize on the advice of Matt Mahan and make FAS donations mandatory for all alums without any consultation whatsoever.