TEEN POP UPDATE

While the Backstreet Boys and Nsync engage in a pissing match over who can sell the most hamburgers, Britney Spears actually has the chance to elevate herself above the teen pop fray and start to mature. After all, Christina Aguilera still can't shake her Grand Slut title, the 98 Degrees boys are still souped up on steroids and can't dance, Jessica Simpson has the vocabulary of a third grader, Mandy Moore isn't legal, etc. But then Britney embarrassed everyone and their mother by a) covering the Rolling Stone's "Satisfaction" live at the Video Music Awards (it's fine as a novelty track on an album, but to perform it in front of a crowd of rock legends?) and b) stripping down and writhing on the floor, fake hair extensions and caked makeup ensuring her place in the Elizabeth Berkeley hall of fame.

Meanwhile, I'm more intrigued by the antics of 2Gether, the pseudo-boyband that has its own fake weekly documentary and actually recently put together an extensive concert tour. After releasing their second album this past week and continuing to spike MTV ratings with their new primetime series, 2Gether continues to blur the line between reality and TV so much that I'm thoroughly confused as to what exactly is going on. Do they actually sing? When they appear in public, are you supposed to call them by their band member names or their real names? What do their groupie girlfriends call them in bed? Are their mothers confused? And most importantly, who writes these fabulous lyrics? (Sample: "Breaking up is hard enough / Say you had nothing but I called your bluff / You got my sweaters, my hat, I can't find my cat / The hardest part of breaking up is getting back your stuff.")

SOMAN'S SHORTS

First Crimson Arts Comp meeting is Monday, Sept.25 at 8 p.m. in The Crimson. Arts is the bomb-diggety. Come check it out. My cutting-edge mom said ecstatically the other day, "I don't like the Backstreet Boys or 'NSync anymore. They're sooo old news. Now I like the Thong Song!"... The boo-hoo fest that is NBC Olympics coverage can only be handled a) on an empty stomach and b) when taped and fast forwarded strategically. Otherwise you have to sit through random cultural segments which have nothing to do with anything, choppy coverage, annoying commentators and more tragedy than Literature and Arts A-41...If you haven't seen Bring It On yet, you're not hip... Speaking of the uncool, I like the theory behind the new Lowell Dining Hall, but in practice, it's been a bit of a nightmare. The Disney-World sized lines don't make the General Wong's Chicken any more attractive... Speaking of attractive, I made it to the screen test for "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" this past Sunday with a whole bunch of other Harvard students. They evaluate you solely on the basis of personality and looks (interesting criteria for a trivia show!) but I tried to play the race card. I was like, 'Why should you take me? Dude! There's no Indians on TV! I'm your only hope!' I'm sure my carping fell upon deaf ears. Sigh. Back to the fringe...Justin Timberlake smokes!...Heard the other day between two girls in line for registration: "Did you know JTT is here? I saw him in the Yard." "I had a big crush on him when he was in Free Willy." Hmm...In the Know is back for one more year of tasteless, shameless pop culture. The format will change during the year and I'll play around with the way it's structured, but you can expect a more focused perspective this time around. See, over the summer, I've developed a bit of a life philosophy, one that's made me a better person and never fails to provide moral guidance. In the face of even the most trivial obstacles (what should I wear?) or the strongest adversity (what should I wear tomorrow?), one question continues to light my path: "What Would Harry Potter Do?"