TREND-O-RAMA: SKETCHY COMPATIBILITY

The web is replete with personality tests these days - everything from "What kind of dog are you?" on emode.com to "Are you a freak?" on outofservice.com. None of them are particularly intriguing, nor intelligent. But leave it to thespark.com to come up with the bomb-ass personality test which is all the rage with blocking groups these days. Not only does the test give you a label which seems particularly appropriate, but it will ensure that you find out the test results of all the people you list on the site. Furthermore, they'll send out a periodic update of your compatibility with those people - compatibility defined as "how likely you are to hook up with the person when one of you is drunk." Check out the test at http://test.thespark.com/person/. In my blocking group, we have a:

Performer: "You are personable, self-assured, and excellent under pressure. Congratulations. I'm sure all the peons you've stepped on never saw it coming and didn't feel a thing. You like being naked...It's also possible you're Madonna."

Healer: "You are caring, good with people, and patient.... Most pedophiles are healers."

Accountant: "You are reserved, meticulous, and dependable. While being called an accountant isn't really cool, neither are you. You aren't exactly the life of the party."

Judge: "You have an affinity for facts. But don't you think you act like a bitch a lot of the time? You jump into arguments and hold grudges like crazy. Try jumping into the sack and holding buttocks, instead. You could probably use some love."

H.W.F.M.C.O.T.I: "You are a HELPER WHO FINDS MISSING CHILDREN OVER THE INTERNET...Behind your reserved exterior lies a dedicated person who in his heart of hearts wants to help missing children. God bless you."