THERE ARE SOME who we've missed in our gift-giving spree:
Mike Milken, John Silber, Dean Epps and The Bee;
Magic, Madonna and Judge "Long Dong" Thomas
Gorby, Bill Weld, Tricky Dick, Nostradamus.
That's fine, but our duties as impudent elves
Would be incomplete without roasting ourselves.
To The Crime, we give Wite-Out for when we're mistaken.
And a new name--The Rag--but we hear that it's taken.
To Patrick, our favorite shop-ruling guy,
A hearty rendition of "Smoke Gets in Your Eye."
To Brian and Kenny, whom few of us see,
A two-week vacation--at last, they'll be free.
To Liz, whom we know for her bottomless purse,
A thank you for all the times we're reimbursed.
And to the next guard, hope you're ready to go.
We're sure ready to quit--ho ho ho ho ho ho.
To everyone else who's still reading this poem
We offer advice: Put it down! Go on home!
Be mirthful! Be joyfull Be far, far from here!
Get the heck out of Cambridge! We'll see you next year!