They danced and clinked their

antlers together. Even the reindeer

who weren't chosen were given

good jobs. One was to try out

electric trains. Another was to

cuddle Christmas kittens.

This kind of thing replaces the Herbie the Dentist business and the abominable snowman odyssey in the TV version, which is probably a plus since the record is consequently only the size of a 45 rpm.

The problem with Rudolph, of course, is that there's absolutely no reason for anyone over six to listen to it more than once, except for a few laughs. And it's not nice to get our hohohos at the expense of the handicapped, now, is it?

Christmas with Slim Whitman

On the cover of this album, released just last holiday season, is a large man with huge sideburns, a grey velvet scarf and an iridescent, silver-and-red smoking jacket that seems to objectify the words "gaudy" and "hideous."

The jacket also tells us that the person playing the piano on the vinyl is named Hargus "Pig" Robbins and that Slim has cut a single entitled "Where Is the Christ in Christmas?" It is everything one can do to peel the plastic off the cover.

It is something of a surprise, then, when it comes time to listen to the music. Why, this is no hitman or rapist perverting the meaning of Christmas! Instead, it sounds like someone held a microphone to your father as he shoveled snow one day last Janaury and sung a few tunes under his breath. You get the feeling that someone called Slim one day and said, "Slim, if you're not busy, why don't you take a half-hour or so and come on down to the studio and record a Christmas album?" And Slim (who is, by the way, emphatically not) must have responded, "Gee, I'd like to, but I'm expecting the plumber any minute now--say, why don't I just mumble a few songs over the phone?!"

The result, as summed up by a friend who wandered into the room while I was critically reviewing this record, is "unimpressive." Then again, she comes from Texas and is unreasonably biased toward people from Nashville. Slim could be the man for you.

Alvin and the Chipmunks Sing Christmas Songs

The Coop was out of this one, and I wasn't about to go hunting all over for it. I'm sure I would have liked it, though. "This is really cool," I would have said.