It was gambling on horses. But we called it racing.... to make it profitable was more than a full-time job and I had no time for that. But I justified it to myself because-I wrote it... Ernest Hemingway, A Moveable Feast

CHAPTER 1: WHY LOSE?

Because you can't win. If you could, you wouldn't be reading this article. If you could win and wished you were a loser, you would have skipped this chapter because you'd already have a reason for losing.

Here are some other possible reasons for losing:

1) It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven.

2) Gambling is sinful, losing is a penance.

3) It helps a writing career. Look at Hemingway. Look at Dostoevski. Look at me.

CHAPTER 2: WHY INSEMINATE?

1) Race horses are shy.

2) It is very artificial.

3) It makes long distance relationships possible.

CHAPTER 3: WHERE TO DO IT

In the grandstand. The clubhouse is strictly for winners. Foxboro has the best benches around, but Suffolk Downs has a nice grass infield where you can recline among the cigar butts and discarded tickets. Wherever you sit, be sure to bring binoculars. They allow you to catch the fix on the back rail, a key to enjoying an afternoon and evening of losing.

CHAPTER 4: HOW TO TALK LIKE A LOSER

A real loser, whether a gambler, a writer, or both, uses the language of the trade. Here are the key words and phrases used around the track: