A memo from the office of Stephen S.J. Hall, vice president for administration, announces that Harvard secretaries may breathe during office hours. "Breathing," Hall says," "is the kind of privilege that in the long run makes people more efficient."

Under the CHUL's new guidelines for assigning freshmen to Houses, 344 freshmen are assigned to live at the bottom of Muddy Pond, and the computer revokes the admission of students from Alameda, Calif. and all of New Jersey. "Next year, we'll try a slightly different system," F. Skiddy von Stade '38, dean of freshmen, announces; "We shall assign freshmen according to their ability to play polo, their lack of resemblance to women, and their likelihood to become rich alumni."

Martin L. Kilson, professor of Government, complains to the Committee on Rights and Responsibilities that the Harvard University Press is violating his "scholarly rights under Article XXXIV of the Constitution" by refusing to publish his 1000-page volume Letter to The Crimson.

MAY

Tricia Nixon Cox returns to Cambridge to push her first best-seller, the story of her mother's first night in the White House, entitled The Making of the President 1969.

The Crimson reports that Stephen S.J. Hall, asked by a reporter if he is, in fact, a computer, replied, "No comment." In a angry letter to The Crimson, Hall declares: "DO STEP 5.2. I HAVE BEEN MISQQQUOTED. THIS IS OFF THE REKORD. THIS IS NOT FOR PUBLICATION. I AM CANCELING MY SUBSCRIPTION. I AM NOT A COMPUTER. I AM TURNING OFF YOUR HEAT. NO COMMENT. END OF PROGRAM. STOPP."

The Advisory Committee on Shareholder Responsibility decides not to vote on calling its first meeting of the year to order. "This early in the game, while our jurisdiction is still unclear, we thought a memo advising ourselves to come to order would be more appropriate," Stanley S. Surrey, professor of Law and ASCR chairman, says.

Elliot L. Richardson '41, in a speech to the Law School faculty, quotes President Nixon's first reaction to the subpoenas for presidential tapes: "Boy, would I like to lay my hands on Cox!" The Harvard Advocate published its January issue.

JUNE

Professors Oscar Handlin and Donald Fleming sign a petition insisting that Derek Bok is, in fact, neither of them. "Whoever he is, he is a gosh-darned prudent administrator," Fleming says, "but whoever Derek C. Bok may be, he is certainly not one of us."

Tenessee Williams offers the Commencement Day address after the Class of '74's first choice, Soupy Sales, declines to attend the ceremonies. Despite a year of speculation, Cambodian dictator Lon Nol again does not receive an honorary degree from Harvard. Instead, the University honors "three men whose service to the cause of peace and justice is legend": Spain's Generalissimo Franco, President Juan Peron of Argentina, and Urguay's up-and-coming fascist, Juan Bordaberry.

President Bok tells alumni that he is "inclined to agree" with complaints that allowing women to eat in the Freshman Union was a "politically expedient decision not in keeping with our usual pure-as-the-driven-snow objectivity." "I am speaking only as a private individual," Bok says, "but if I, as president, can ramrod through a new policy, I, as a private citizen, will do that."

JULY

The Harvard Lampoon published its January issue. David Halberstam returns to Cambridge to push his latest best-seller, a searching reexamination of the importance of fluoride tooth-pastes for clean teeth, entitled The Crest and the Whitest.

Hale Champion, vice president for finance, announces that Harvard will take special precautions to avoid financial losses in fiscal 1975. "We are going to calculate tuition as though the total cost of undergraduate education were being split by only 400 people, sell Black Rock Forest to Sack Theaters as a game preserve, and replace bottomless tubs with showers which will share their bottoms on Saturdays," Champion explains.