MAY
Alarmed at growing rumors among undergraduates that Johnson's Glo-Coat Floor Wax will induce mystic visions if it is heated and its fumes inhaled, Dana Farns worth and Dean Monro issue a stern warning against "this new form of sin." The Postmaster-General announces the discontinuation of the ZIP code system "because our own employees cannot learn it." Bell Telephone, having just completed the nationwide substitution of ZIP codes for area codes is reported annoyed" but says it is confident its employees can learn five simple numbers.
JUNE
President Pusey is reportedly "disturbed" by the resignations of five senior members of the Government department who have accepted posts at Southwest State Teachers College in Texas. One of the group tells a reporter that "Southwest State seems to us an up-and-coming institution."
The Doty Committee on General Education issues a statement reading, "We are deadlocked, no report in sight," and appeals to the Harvard Council on Undergraduate Affairs for help. The chairman of the HCUA agrees to arbitrate, commenting, "This is a grave responsibility."
In Independence, Missouri, former President Harry S Truman reveals that Harvard has offered him an honorary degree. He adds, "I'd really love to accept it, but, unfortunately, Southwest State Teachers College is giving me one on the same day."
JULY
The Harvard University Press says it is "astounded" to learn that the Office of National Security has ordered the purchase of all existing copies of Age of the Scholar "for free distribution in Indonesia and Thailand." Asked why the book is being sent to non-English speaking countries, McGeorge Bundy, Director of the Office, replies tersely, "The reason is obvious to me."
Margaret Chase Smith, Republican presidential nominee by acclamation, surprises the convention in San Francisco by asking for Barry Goldwater to be her running mate. Goldwater accepts, saying, "I am convinced that the youth of the country want me to take the position." President Johnson, also nominated by acclamation, leaves the choice of a running mate up to the convention, and says he is "pleased as punch" at the selection of Governor George Wallace, who, he thinks, "will sure steal the thunder from those two Republicans."
AUGUST
The Harvard Corporation announces that on the recommendation of Jose Luis Sert, Dean of the School of Design, it has commissioned architects Sert, Jackson, and Gourley to construct the tenth House in the form of a "windowless inverted pyramid." Sert applauds the Corporation on its "forward vision," adding, "I see no conflict of interest in my position."
Despite protests from College and civic groups the Metropolitan District Commission begins removal of sycamore trees along Memorial Drive preparatory to building a "futuristic underpass" in front of Eliot House. "We live in an age of progress," says one commissioner.
SEPTEMBER
At the invitation of French President Charles de Gaulle, Pope Paul VI prepares to move the Holy See "to a small city in southeast France," the first Pope to do so since the Fourteenth Centry. "We do not see why we should be bound by precedent," Pope Paul explains.
After removing all of the sycamore trees along Memorial Drive, the MDC decides to abandon its plans for an underpass, and promises to plant "as many sturdy saplings as we can afford" to beautify the drive. "We live in an age of progress," says one commissioner.
