Bundy tells reporters that he certainly cannot be held responsible for his cousin's article in the Post.

The Gambezi Republic is admitted to the United Nations. The country's population declines by 30% with the departure of the UN delegation.

MAY

George Romney announces that the Archangel Macaroni thinks "a proven business success could do a better job as President."

Jackie Kennedy, a faint smile playing about her lips, announces that, in gratitude to the French people, "we're going to send them one of our own masterpieces," the "Sleigh Ride" by Grandma Moses. "Sleigh" travels to Europe in the Captain's Cabin of the S.S. United States, surrounded by a cordon of 500 Marines. President de Gaulle expresses frigid thanks, says he would have preferred one ICBM. The French people flock to see "Sleigh"; they think Grandma Moses looks like Mrs. Kennedy.

JUNE

In what is interpreted as a move to promote better town-gown relations, Harvard confers honorary degrees upon 24 people whose names are selected at random from the Boston phone book. The Hon. Charles Ianello, spokesman for the group, delivers his acceptance speech on "Harvard Men Inside."

Winston Churchili celebrates his 90th birthday, and issues a statement that "de Gaulle is getting too big for his breeches." The General answers him in a curt note to the Queen: "My dear young lady: It is evident that Britain is the sick man of Europe." In Washington, a vengeful group of Rhodes scholars led by Dean Rusk tears the Mona Lisa to pieces. The Paris mob finds an elderly American lady who looks like Grandma Moses, and shreds her in retaliation. De Gaulle challenges Rusk to a duel.

Just before Commencement, a squad of department chairmen protesting Dean Ford's sanction of Cum Laude in General Studies offers to tear his elegant new residence to pieces. Ford, calling himself "quite fed up with my job, girls in Houses, CLGS, and the whole bloody mess" goes off to the Foret de Compiegnes as Rusk's second. "What an adventure," he sings on returning.

JULY

The strain in the Western Alliance is forgotten as two new crises develop. Jackie Kennedy falls mysteriously ill on July 4 and on July 5 a new international emergency crupts as the Russian diplomatic corps in the Gambezi Republic stages a coup d'etat. Television cameras are moved into the Kennedy bedroom to record every stage of Jackie's illness. Meanwhile, the Gambezi U.N. delegation is flown home in U.S. transport planes to help unseat the Russians.

AUGUST

The two July crises end abruptly. On August 2 the Gambezi U.N. delegation re-establishes native control. The next day a pea is found under Jackie Kennedy's mattress. It is removed and she recovers immediately. The following week the First Lady is featured on the covers of 1124 magazines in 65 languages. Scientific American runs a picture of the pea. Pundits announce that U.S. prestige has never been higher.

SEPTEMBER

A Saturday Evening Post article entitled "Harvard in the Do-Nothing Age" charges that "the only reason McGeorge Bundy got no honorary degree is that Pusey is scared of him. Squelching the rumor in a letter to the CRIMSON, Bundy quips, "I already have an honorary."