{shortcode-a7c7b5d4fbdbef26dff582a11c4c7d7a7eb3bcf6} You might not have seen us around campus this spring break, but we definitely saw you… Before you freak out, no, we’re not stalkers, just avid readers of the HUPD public police logs. (Someone has to give their website traffic.) It turns out that, even with half of the student body in Puerto Rico or the Dominican Republic, campus is far from boring.

3.15.25 - Cabot House, Whitman Hall

“Officers dispatched to a report of an individual engaged in suspicious activity. Officers arrived, searched the area, and reported that the individual was gone on arrival.”

Also apparently missing when officers arrived on scene? The desire to engage in wordplay. The situation’s fishy on all fins tails fronts.

3.16.25 - Leverett House, F Tower

“Officers dispatched to a report of an individual yelling over the phone. Officers arrived, searched the area, and reported that all was well.”

My grandma’s just really hard of hearing, officer.

3.17.25 - Smith Campus Center

“Officer took a report of annoying emails.”

Is every club on campus committing a criminal offense during comp season?

3.17.25 - GSAS Student Center

“Officer took a report of a stolen secured black and brown bicycle valued at $200.00. The reporting individual informed the officer that their U-lock was undamaged and left at the scene.”

On the one hand, it’s really impressive that they managed to steal the bike without damaging the lock. On the other hand, why leave the lock behind? We’d expect that sort of exclusion from a grade school bully, not a criminal mastermind.

3.18.25 - Smith Campus Center

“Officer took a report of a stolen secured black and gray GoTrax G5 electric scooter valued at $650.00, and a stolen cable lock.”

We’d love to help out with the search for this, really, but it’ll probably be difficult to identify the scooter as it zips past the “Walk Your Wheels” sign in the Yard.

3.19.25 - Harvard Law School, Wasserstein Hall

“Officers dispatched to a report of an individual previously sleeping in the building. … Officers informed the individual they must refrain from sleeping in the building and sent them on their way.”

Speaking of signs, it looks like the Smith Campus Center “stay awake space” posters need to extend their reach into the graduate schools. But hey, we get it. Let’s hope that this sort of anti-sleep enforcement doesn’t extend into the classroom; we’re sure HUPD doesn’t want to spend time in Science Center Hall C any more than we do.

3.19.25 - Canaday Hall, Entryway D

“Officer dispatched to a report of individuals who may not have authorization to be in the building. Officer arrived, searched the area, and reported the individuals were

gone on arrival.”

Seriously? You get into the building, only to leave? At this point you should have just stood by the infamous Canaday laundry vent and saved yourself the trouble. Pointless mission, we’re embarrassed for you. Side quest flopped.

3.20.25 - Memorial Church

“Officer dispatched to a report of an unattended briefcase in the area. Officer arrived, located the briefcase, and reported that it did not contain any suspicious content.

Officer reported that the briefcase was disposed of properly.”

We have so many questions. Who would bring a briefcase to Memorial Church? What was in the briefcase? What would have been suspicious to find in a briefcase? How does one dispose of a briefcase “properly,” and have we been disposing of our (of course, many hundreds of) briefcases improperly?