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Harvard is in a new era (though not like Taylor Swift… thankfully) and with it, its leaders have a new set of priorities: recentering academics. Professors and TFs are about to crack down on grading and even consider awarding A+’s like we’re in high school again.

Given how limited these grades are meant to be, faculty should consider more innovative options when it comes to awarding A+’s to those section kids to the most deserving students. Here are a few other ways to determine who gets the few A+’s Amanda Claybaugh will let us get each semester:

A FitnessGram PACER Test Race.

Instead of recentering academics, what if our professors focus on physical health and prowess instead? Let’s go down memory lane to elementary school P.E. (oh, what a simpler time). I hope you didn’t skip leg day. Obstacles will include tourists, turkeys, divots in the brick paths, and the occasional randomly closed gate, forcing you onto a detour. Ready, set… ding!

Social Media Followers.

Since influencing is more popular than ever, grades should be awarded to those who have the most Instagram or Tiktok followers in the class. That way, they can post about their stellar grades (while holding matchas and performatively studying in Widener) and lure more unsuspecting high schoolers into applying! Harvard’s acceptance rate will drop, profits from application fees will skyrocket (trickle-down effect leading to more funding), overall clout will increase, and professors won’t need to waste time on silly things like grading psets.

Real-Life Application.

This one’s for the GenEds — why take a class called Happiness if you aren’t truly happy? Why take Sleep if not to perfect the art itself? Happiness should just award A+’s to the students who are genuinely the happiest (which is probably less than the current number who earn As, come to think of it), not whose essay analyzing happiness is the best. Sleep can be a free nap. For every class whose name has some worldly application, this is the best way to deliver a truly transformative learning experience.

Sidechat Karma.

Sidechat karma is the true Harvard-esque measure of how witty and quick-thinking a person can be (or their Flyby writer profile, cough cough). Getting karma requires skill, not just good luck. It requires stellar reflexes and being chronically online. Arguably, collecting karma is more difficult than getting an A+ in this economy — which is why professors should award such effort!

Harvard Trivia.

Do you know your three lies? Can you name what Music 110R used to be called before this semester? Imagine a game-show style trivia round, with A+’s awarded only to the most knowledgeable. Awarding A+’s Jeopardy-style is at least rooted in some merit-based success. Since it’s the Harvard administration that’s cracking down on grading, it’s only fair that our trivia quiz is focused on Harvard knowledge, too.

So there you have it — five foolproof ways to determine A’s without silly little things like psets, essays, and section attendance. Professors, take your pick. Personally, I’m looking forward to taking Sleep next semester and pulling up to class with a sleeping bag!