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Following the scoreboard, perhaps the second most horrifying thing from The Game was the wild turkey mascot we all saw running through the stands. Sure, it was funny in the moment to pose for a selfie with it, but imagine if our new game day mantras become “Go Turkeys!” or “Gobble Gobble”… yikes!

For a school that prides itself on having highly competent students, we sure are lacking talent in the mascot selection department. I remember looking up the Harvard mascot after Admissions Day and feeling sorely disappointed when greeted with the following Google search result:

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What does that even mean? Are we the Harvard Pilgrims? The Harvard John Harvards? And we soon might be the Harvard Turkeys but I’m not sure if that’s even better. No wonder everyone just sticks with a classic “Go Crimson!” at games...

To remedy Harvard’s subpar school spirit situation, here are some alternative ideas to consider for a new mascot:

Hedgehogs

Who doesn’t love a good alliteration? Plus, being cute but also a little standoffish and prickly would fit the vibe of a standard Harvard student. Other alliterative options include the Harvard Horses or the Harvard Hamsters. Pick your poison, I suppose.

Remy

He’s already basically the informal mascot of Harvard, so why not just make it official? His orange fur color is almost Crimson anyway (right?); and then we could chant “Go Cats!” in response to Yale’s mediocre “Go Bulldogs!”

Rats

I don’t know about you all, but any time I step into the Kirkland or Eliot dhalls, I always see a little friend crawling around by the back walls. Let’s give these loyal companions a shoutout by featuring them as our mascot. We always thought “Le Festin” would be a great walk-out song, Harvard Athletics! Alternatively, we could also become the Harvard Roaches or Centipedes for similar reasons.

David Malan

This might be a bit of a controversial choice due to CS50 now being offered at both Harvard and Yale, but we know that David Malan reps Cambridge over New Haven any day. Harvard Shop, if you’re listening, the “I took C50” shirts could become the new game day merch.

Snakes

Between some of the club comp processes, blocking group drama, and the recruitment hustle, Harvard students can definitely be snakey at times. But why try to hide it? Let’s own our ruthless, cold, and cunning personalities with pride. In a stunning turn of events, this could be our most honest option yet.

Although Harvard beats Yale on basically every front, even I must admit that they have a leg up on us in the mascot category. With this diverse array of mascot picks, though, those bulldogs won’t stand a chance against us next year! Roll Crim!