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With shopping week long gone (for now at least, rip) and me having no idea how to choose my classes, we’ve got to get CREATIVE here. Why add classes based on Q Guide comments, professor Q&A’s, or concentration requirements when you can conduct a professional vibe check off of their name alone? If your first week of classes goes wrong and you need some back-ups, move these up to the top of your Crimson Cart.

FRSEMR 50V: Sea Monsters

No, I’m not a freshman. But I’ll 100% pretend to be one if that means I can call my mom and tell her I’m taking a class at Harvard called “Sea Monsters.” Yes, Mom, I promise I’m investing in my education. No, Mom, I’m not gaining any marketable skills. I’m learning about SEA MONSTERS AND PROUD OF IT.

ENGLISH 177AM: American Horrors

You mean my entire existence? 😋

GENED 1168: Tragedy Today

Me on the first day of classes, wandering every building in the Yard looking for a warm place to eat my sad, cold FlyBy lunch. So maybe this is weirdly niche, but try and tell me you’ve never had a day on this campus you can only describe as a tragedy. No. You can’t. At least there’s a class to find others to commiserate with?

GENED 1099: Pyramid Schemes: What Can Ancient Egyptian Civilization Teach Us?

Learning about pyramid schemes, what better way to connect with that one girl from your high school that slides into your DMs every winter break! It’s called networking, people.

GENED 1162: Science of Stress

Please. I’m begging you. Tell me why I’m so stressed. Sure, I sleep five hours per day, never eat breakfast, haven’t been to the gym in months, procrastinate all of my homework, spend all my time watching crime shows, am constantly dehydrated… How will I ever know if I don’t take this class!!!

TDM 167B: Performing for the Internet

Me, on Twitter every day <3

WOMGEN 1413: ​​Friendship as Way of Life

This one has got to get the award for most wholesome class, right? Just grab some friends to join in on the fun, and you’ve basically got a guaranteed A! Probably!

ECON 1745: Corporate Finance

If “Friendship as Way of Life” is the most wholesome class, then this must be the most Harvard class, right? Please, teach me how to achieve my final evolution of becoming a big shot corporate executive at McKinsey.

SOCIOL 1165: Online Dating and the Transformation of Intimacy

Listen, I’m ready to exploit my online dating trauma for an A if I must. There’s endless material to work with! Who decided voice prompts on Hinge were a good idea? What’s with all the fish? Why can’t I find love? You know. Normal stuff. And if this class isn’t enough, at least we’ve got Datamatch coming up.

While I can verify quite literally zero information about these classes, at least all your future employers can say “Man. What an interesting course schedule” every time they look at your transcript! And that’s a far better win than a “good GPA” or “intellectual challenge” or “transformational experience” anyway.