This year, America’s two greatest holidays fell on the same weekend. Let’s celebrate while we still can (because a Valentine’s Presidents’ Day Weekend only happens four out of every seven years). As our forefathers so writ and intended, here are some presidential superlatives of an amorous nature. Happy V&P Weekend!

Most likely to write you a Declaration of Infatuation:*
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Thomas Jefferson (*if you’re a white, land-owning male)

Most likely to make you walk home in the cold:
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Andrew Jackson

Most likely to expire in your bed: 
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William Henry Harrison (died after 31 days in office/not remembered for his stamina)

Most likely to be old, rough, and ready: 
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Zachary Taylor

Most likely to carry a big stick:
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Teddy Roosevelt

Most likely to plan a date which will live in infamy:
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Franklin D. Roosevelt

Most likely to invade your V-Day with his D-Day: 
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Dwight Eisenhower

Most likely to want to tap that (wire):
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Richard Nixon

Most likely to pull out (of Iraq):
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Barack Obama