This year, America’s two greatest holidays fell on the same weekend. Let’s celebrate while we still can (because a Valentine’s Presidents’ Day Weekend only happens four out of every seven years). As our forefathers so writ and intended, here are some presidential superlatives of an amorous nature. Happy V&P Weekend!
Most likely to write you a Declaration of Infatuation:*
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Thomas Jefferson (*if you’re a white, land-owning male)
Most likely to make you walk home in the cold:
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Andrew Jackson
Most likely to expire in your bed:
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William Henry Harrison (died after 31 days in office/not remembered for his stamina)
Most likely to be old, rough, and ready:
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Zachary Taylor
Most likely to carry a big stick:
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Teddy Roosevelt
Most likely to plan a date which will live in infamy:
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Franklin D. Roosevelt
Most likely to invade your V-Day with his D-Day:
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Dwight Eisenhower
Most likely to want to tap that (wire):
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Richard Nixon
Most likely to pull out (of Iraq):
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Barack Obama