While Harvard stopped providing its students with build-your-own bomb shelters and an inescapable sense of dread decades ago, at least one Cold War relic has stuck around: the red phone. These crimson clunkers, lovingly placed in each room by Dorm Crew at the start of the year, go tragically underused. Luckily, we’ve come up with a few ways to warm up to your hotline.

{shortcode-9cb7632e990475583b7cea0ec1ca0975c58faf2b}1. Cockroach bludgeon. Pest problem? Smash away, but be careful: like a matador’s cape, waving the red phone around too much may further aggravate your roaches.

{shortcode-5032f0452fe4aa97be5663ef3521f474ff46b2e6}2. Double-sided spoon. Forgot to Annenburgle some silverware to go with those Frosted Mini Spooners? Your iPhone can't hold cereal like this.

{shortcode-d7c8d4ce3e0c3546d855ca21754687e568536b45}3. An avant-garde accessory. It’s a real conversation piece.

{shortcode-9561a8742838306d638150520a9446de17172115}4. Souvenir. Seniors, the red phone makes a great memento of your time at Harvard! Plus, you can pick up the line from anywhere in the world and hear HUPD demanding that you return it immediately.

{shortcode-c82bf1e9c1306f4c3d4a2ac1ef1c88a3a0492f02}5. Shower mic. Put down that bottle of shampoo, grab your red phone receiver, and belt out "Pocket Full of Sunshine" like you're at TD Garden and not in a three-square-foot stall. Note: do not plug the red phone in. 

{shortcode-0f58b93cc0c2cb68606206c3c16245559709a890}6. Emergency health care. Sick between the hours of 10:00 p.m. and 8:00 a.m.? Give triage a try – the red phone can get you (exactly none of) the help you need.