While Harvard stopped providing its students with build-your-own bomb shelters and an inescapable sense of dread decades ago, at least one Cold War relic has stuck around: the red phone. These crimson clunkers, lovingly placed in each room by Dorm Crew at the start of the year, go tragically underused. Luckily, we’ve come up with a few ways to warm up to your hotline.

{shortcode-8ab438296c517554a89931a0d8a51ca1c1fe2d2a}1. Cockroach bludgeon. Pest problem? Smash away, but be careful: like a matador’s cape, waving the red phone around too much may further aggravate your roaches.

{shortcode-3ef943da0b439abe5e462466c135fe3dae13483c}2. Double-sided spoon. Forgot to Annenburgle some silverware to go with those Frosted Mini Spooners? Your iPhone can't hold cereal like this.

{shortcode-e16bab9020c3b5fc75f3fe07fcdcd6fdf8536b6f}3. An avant-garde accessory. It’s a real conversation piece.

{shortcode-a33cbba2c995963007cc2fcc8e06a5db91baaf4e}4. Souvenir. Seniors, the red phone makes a great memento of your time at Harvard! Plus, you can pick up the line from anywhere in the world and hear HUPD demanding that you return it immediately.

{shortcode-e37bf5eff147b4f2fd8a7141e57b9cf866b1e20e}5. Shower mic. Put down that bottle of shampoo, grab your red phone receiver, and belt out "Pocket Full of Sunshine" like you're at TD Garden and not in a three-square-foot stall. Note: do not plug the red phone in. 

{shortcode-5c8d51a34df94640c61fd2e7539f48af528b3a23}6. Emergency health care. Sick between the hours of 10:00 p.m. and 8:00 a.m.? Give triage a try – the red phone can get you (exactly none of) the help you need.