New online magazine Her Campus alleges to be "A Collegiette’s Guide to Life," but if a female's life is indeed composed of sexile, sex, caffeine abuse, and sororities (not to mention, all this soaked in glaring pink dye), then "life" is a journey FlyBy doesn't want to undertake.

Her Campus unveiled its new website last night, and the content is largely how-to columns dispensing morsels of advice that take themselves very seriously (if the writer is feeling particularly pithy, lists are constructed). There's a lot of "breaking down," and simplifying of college-life crises. In other words, Her Campus is Freeze Magazine trying a little harder to be not so apparently inviting of ridicule.

See some examples of Her wisdom after the jump:

Your boyfriend is applying to med schools, your best friend has three amazing magazine internships under her belt….even the greasy kid down the hall has a full-time job offer, and it’s only September!

Ugh. Greasy kids can get jobs? The horror! And moving on to sexile:

...she, the monster from the top bunk, growling and groaning and skulking and creaking, would tickle my face with a dangling belt, recently ripped from her boyfriend’s chinos. Tickle, tickle, whack, whack. “I think J is going to stay over tonight,” she would mutter, while amorously rocking the rickety bunk. “You don’t mind sleeping…”

Wait. What exactly is making the "whack" noise? And if there's one thing FlyBy's learned about men, it's that you never date someone who goes by one letter.

Finally, FlyBy found the following piece of advice from Jason, a "Real Live College Guy," especially illuminating. This is what he had to say about sex:

Just remember guys will do anything. Do not ever, unless he's not into girls, worry about him saying "no" to something.

It's as simple as that, folks. Thanks, Her Campus!