We at FlyBy have a slight obsession with watching episodes of Ivory Tower, Harvard's premiere soap opera. It's quite startling, really, how the show manages to transform such familiar venues like the Winthrop dining hall into foreign places that set the stage for conversations and interactions that don't actually happen in real Harvard life.

In the most recent episode, "Closets and Crushes," the basement hallway of the Science Center becomes the place for awkward pasty boys to ask girls who just want to "rage" out on a "date" to a "rad pre-med thing...party, party!" All we know is that, in our years at Harvard, literally nothing worth recollecting has happened in that hallway with the two vending machines and the IT equipment.

Video and more post-jump.

Admittedly, the acting was pretty good. FlyBy didn't find itself squirming with every line, and that one tall dude was even kinda cute. But the writers of Ivory Tower might need to rethink their plays on verbal titillation: the shoddy attempts at double-entendre ranged from "You only play with your balls when you're worked up" to "Is that a banana in your pants? Because I will peel it for you" to "C'mon girl, give me your biochemical desires." Now we just want to hurl and cry.

And we end with a pearl of wisdom from one of the male characters: "That's your problem. Your idea of romance is grinding a girl on the dance floor when what girls want is to waltz." But the episode revolves around romance induced by Petros' "Body Glow."  Mixed messages?