Goddamn it, prefrosh. All of our house lists are currently plagued by the pleas of clubs on campus asking for us college students to get your overeager asses to their events. And the thing is, you guys actually oblige with no shame.

So here it is: a list of things you can check out today. After all, you've been on campus for two days, and the denouement is here, my brave trekkers. So as you prepare to bid adieu to your new "friends," their clammy handshakes, and self-inflicted experimentation in awkward socialization, make sure you event-hop as much as you can. Ya'll are overachievers anyway.

See what's going down today after the jump.

8:15-9:15 AM, Campus jog for parents and students (meet at John Harvard Statue) — Let's be honest. This is weird. Don't do it.

11:00 AM-12:00 PM, Panel: "Office of Career Services: Connecting Students with Information and Opportunities" (Science Center B) — The event description starts most inauspiciously with this sentence: "Are you wondering what you might do next summer?" Look Harvard, these prefrosh are just looking for a good time. But you just took them into uncharted territory and then spanked their already future-oriented complexes into high gear. "Have you begun to think about what you might explore as possible career paths after graduation?" You don't have to tell Harvard students to worry prematurely—they'll do it fine themselves, thank you very much.

1:30-2:30 PM, Annual Prefrosh Concert with The Holden Choruses (Paine Hall)— featuring the Harvard-Radcliffe Collegium Musicum, the Harvard Glee Club, and the Radcliffe Choral Society; choral repertoire will range from "Renaissance polyphony to folk songs to modern commissions." Please go to the concert and come back to tell us what that means.

2:00-3:00 PM, Panel: "What It's Like to be a Harvard Freshman" (Science Center B) — We already have the answer for you: perpetually confused, periodically drunk, consistently disillusioned.

6:30-7:30 PM, Science Activities Social (Women's Center) — "A relaxing way to meet a lot of scientists," the publicity assures. HUBSS will provide crepes, THURJ the ice cream, and WISHR the monkey bread (AKA pinch-me cake).

7 PM, Sex at Harvard (Sever 102) — Do you ever "[w]onder what the Harvard sex scene is really like?" Or, better yet, "if it exists?" Come get the sobering answer at this panel discussion manned by some of the biggest groups on campus that work with gender/sexuality issues. If there's anything that might deter hedonistic prefrosh from choosing Harvard, it might be this.

7:30 PM, Outwit: The Freestyle Rap Competition (Ticknor Lounge, Boylston Hall) — Supposedly, some of Harvard's "finest rhythm aces" and singsong wordsmiths are going to battle it out for "glory, fame" in an event organized by Tuesday Magazine. We have a hunch that the content won't quite take the "money, cash, hoes" angle we're used to.

11:00 PM-1:00 AM, Movie: Legally Blonde (Science Center C) — Just an idea: there's really no need to watch a movie about being at Harvard while you're at Harvard.