Green initiatives. They're tricky things: entirely noble and admirable in concept, but complete nuisances when brought from abstraction to reality. For example, when the Winthrop House REP tells you that she has some "exciting green news," you know you've got to brace yourself. Because now you're only going to have one napkin dispenser on each table in Winthrop.

Cue: gasp!s and angry retaliation:

You have to be kidding me. This is everything that is wrong with the green initiatives in the house. Will making it annoyingly hard for me to clean the sauce off my mouth save a napkin or two? Maybe. Will it be hugely inconvenient and only save resources through impractical methods? YES.

Who knew napkins could inflame such passion? And it doesn't stop there:

The same thing goes with the shower heads. To quote a good friend, I feel as though I am being urinated on by an infant. Actually, that would be better, because the water would actually be warm.

Evocative! Find out what happened after everyone reading the Winthrop list lost their appetite, after the jump:

The napkin project, which has been endorsed by the Office of Sustainability, will supposedly save Winthrop the hundreds of dollars spent each month filling 2-3 dispensers at each table. According to the Winthrop REP, the initiative will be implemented in all the dining halls in the future, but Winthrop is taking the lead.

The initiative has spurred a heated debate over the Winthrop list. Some argue that one dispenser will create an assembly line effect and thereby infect every napkin with 5 different pairs of hands. Yet others question that any napkins will be saved at all—what if people stockpile and then commence their meal?

In any case, perhaps we should all just take this wise fellow's word and call a ceasefire: "at the end of the day...who cares..just sit by the napkin dispenser."

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons/Neeta Lind.