It finally happened. No, Penn didn’t finally snag a conference win, but because of that, Dartmouth did. That’s just kind of what happens when you put two winless teams against one another.

Perhaps more importantly, though, Dartmouth is now a year removed from its historic hard alcohol ban. The Dartmouth—a news source whose only claim to fame is that it’s really old—suggests, “80 percent indicated that they do not think the hard alcohol ban has been successful in lowering high-risk drinking on campus.”

What a shame. I know most seasons of Dartmouth basketball are pretty unbearable, but trying to get through them with just a beer has probably been even worse.

Cheers to a dry Hanover and maybe next year.

Pick: Yale

COLUMBIA AT PRINCETON

I know people can go on for hours about how anyone in the Ivy League can win on a given night. It’s true, but frankly the picks this week seem oddly easy. There are a bunch of teams with a lot of conference wins taking on a bunch teams with not a lot of conference wins.

Hope you followed that.

This game, however, isn’t particularly easy to call. Sure, Princeton is undefeated, but the Tigers have also shown that they’re beatable, particularly this past weekend against Harvard and Dartmouth.To find the answer to this dilemma I’ve looked to nature. Specifically, I just Googled “In a fight would a lion or a tiger win?”

While answers abound, I found a relatively credible source that suggests, “The contest of the lion against the tiger was a classic pairing, and the betting usually favored the tiger. At the end of the 19th century, the Gaekwad of Baroda arranged a fight between a lion and tiger before an audience of thousands. The Gaekwad favored the lion, and as a result had to pay 37,000 rupees as the lion was mauled by the tiger.”

I’d prefer not to put any rupees on this one, but if I had to I guess, the tiger mauls the lion.

Pick: Princeton

DARTMOUTH AT BROWN

Having a degree of separation from Jordan Spieth has to be good for something.

Well either that or the Big Green comes into this one hot off their its conference victory of the season.