Alright, I’m done. I know that will disappoint many of you, but we must keep moving forward (boom!).

PRINCETON AT YALE

Tony Reno walks into Toad’s to drink away his sorrows over leaving the Harvard football program for the disaster that is Yale. He orders a beer.

“That’s $4.75,” says the bartender.

Reno gives him a five dollar bill, which the bartender stows away.

“Excuse me, I’d like a quarter back,” Reno says.

“Sorry,” the bartender replies. “There are none left on campus.”

The nearby drummer plays ba-dum-tss as the bartender gives Reno his change, but the reality is that the coach still has nobody left under center. Injuries to Yale’s top three quarterbacks forced the Bulldogs to play a running back (Tyler Varga) and a wide receiver (Henry Furman) at QB two weeks ago. Last week, much to the delight of the Brown defense, opening day starter Eric Williams made his heroic return. Williams promptly completed half as many passes to the opposing team (two) as to his own receivers (four, out of 15 passes) before getting re-injured and turning the QB job back over to Furman. Yale football, ladies and gentlemen!

In seven games this year, Williams has now thrown 14 interceptions, the second-most in the country (and the guy ahead of him has played two more games and also thrown 26 touchdowns; Williams has thrown six). Out of the 100 FCS quarterbacks eligible to qualify, the freshman comes in at 95th in passing efficiency (Colton Chapple, by the way, is second). So congrats, Yale! Your QB has finally made the 95th percentile in something. If there’s a Rhodes Scholarship for bad quarterbacking, you won’t have to worry about letting that one slip away this year.

But honestly, I shouldn’t be too hard on Williams because none of this is really his fault. Ivy quarterbacks rarely succeed until they become upperclassmen (the difference between Chapple as a sophomore—when Murphy couldn’t even trust him to pass—and Chapple as a senior is exponential, for example). Simply put, Williams was about as ready to be Yale’s starting quarterback as Napoleon’s brother was to run Spain or Snookie was to be a parent.

This would not have been a problem had junior John Whitelaw not quit the team in the preseason after losing his job to Williams, which leaves us with three questions:

1) Just how bad was John Whitelaw at football if he lost a starting job to Eric Williams?

2) Who regrets leaving their respective position more, Whitelaw or Reno?

3) How on earth did Penn manage to lose to this team?

Pick: Princeton 31, Yale 7