And this candy dish! This is my biggest complaint. Putting an empty bowl on a table in the kitchen is inhuman, especially as some of us interns are relying on those Brach’s Cool Blue Mints to get us through the work day. 

But even if it were full, the candy dish wouldn’t be enough. A five pound bag sells for about $20. That’s about 375 pieces. I would have to eat 150 mints an hour for it to equate to minimum wage. And I’m not sure that I want my breath to be that minty. 

This is also just assuming that I’m only worth the bare minimum. Which I also don’t think is true. I think 12 dollars an hour is more fitting. That’s 75 more mints, plus benefits— which I’m not sure how to quantify, but I’m sure, that with all of this processed sugar and cubicle sitting, I’m going to need a good medical plan and gym membership. 

So no. The mint plan will not work. I must leave. And I’m giving you guys two weeks, or one, depending on when this article is published. A fortnight from the 24th, I will fill my water bottle for the last time, take the aforementioned objects from my cubicle, and pray to God that the geese haven’t figured out how to navigate the bowels of Boston’s public transportation. 

In the meantime, I hope that this letter does not change the office dynamic. And that in the event that I apply for another (paid) position in a related field, one of you will be willing to write a stellar letter of recommendation on that official letterhead stationery. 

Also, I wouldn’t mind object to some sort of going away celebration in the conference room — maybe we can get cake? 

Sincerely,  

Nicole J. Levin  

Intern to Assistant Bosswoman

Nicole J. Levin ’15, an FM editor, is a government concentrator in Dunster House. Her column will appear every two weeks this summer.