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“Pop is insipid,” they said. “The Top 40 has no soul,” they said. “These lyrics don’t even mean anything,” they said.
Well, they were wrong. Think Selena Gomez doesn’t understand the depth of conflict in the Middle East? Think again, for the artists of today’s Top 40 hits are victims of cruel, cruel mischaracterization. Their songs, while perhaps veiled in the language of poor relationship choices, are in truth brilliantly perceptive, cutting analyses of the state of the world today. Don’t believe it? Here are the top current events of 2014 paired with the best Top 40 hits written about them.
- Russian interference in Ukraine/Big Sean, “I Don’t Fuck With You”
Big Sean’s satirical ode to Russian president Vladimir Putin’s not-so-secret fomenting of discord in the eastern regions of Ukraine is currently sitting at #26 on the charts. The chorus of “I don’t fuck with you / Little stupid ass bitch / I ain’t fucking with you” is an unusually insightful take on the condescension and outright denial Putin has expressed to the Western world in the wake of his seizure of Crimea.
- The Western response to Ebola/Taylor Swift, “Shake It Off”
Back in March when the first Ebola cases were spreading, the disease was on the front pages of almost every major newspaper. But the news “can’t stop, won’t stop moving,” as Ms. Swift poignantly observes. “Shake It Off” details how Western media have been “getting down and out about the liars / And the dirty dirty cheats of the world” (shoutout to you, el-Sisi!) at the cost of “getting down to this sick beat.” We all owe Ms. Swift a debt for drawing attention to this shameful lapse.
- American midterm elections/Hozier, “Take Me To Church”
Democracy spoke this year! And we, like Hozier, are infinitely grateful for the opportunity to see the great American values of liberty, free speech, and petty deceptiveness in action once more. “I was born sick / But I love it” Hozier repeats in a particularly mantric moment, clearly trying to make the best of the fact that he will soon have no health insurance due to his preexisting medical conditions. Take us to church, Republicans.
- The rise of ISIS/Selena Gomez, “The Heart Wants What It Wants”
“The Heart Wants What It Wants” is an astute summation of the Middle East’s troubled political history and current state of upheaval. “You got me scattered in pieces,” sings Ms. Gomez, subtly referring to the dissolution of federal structures within Iraq and Syria and the ongoing devastation wrought by intranational conflict. The chorus runs, “There’s a million reasons I should give you up / But the heart wants what it wants,” providing possibly the most accurate depiction of intractable ethnic and religious violence ever found in an American news source. Hats off to you, Ms. Gomez.
