As the outgoing Covers Executive, I consider myself something of an authority on covers of all shapes and sizes. Here is my definitive ranking of covers.

8.     Duvet covers

Bedding is confusing. There are, in fact, many different kinds of covers that go into a complete set of bedding. For example, blankets and top sheets can also be considered covers. But due to their superior pillowiness and softness, duvet covers are undoubtedly the best.

7.     Aliases

An alias is a name you adopt when you go undercover; sometimes, it is referred to as a cover. This kind of cover is important if you are a superhero or a teen idol and need to live a double life. It is also important if you witnessed something that you probably shouldn’t have witnessed.

6.     Temps

Temps are people who can cover your job for you if you are having a baby or are otherwise incapacitated. They often don’t make very much money and are just doing it for the experience. The hardworking temp is an essential cog in the machinery of the average workplace, and for this we salute them.

5.     Cover-up (makeup)

Maybe she’s born with it? It’s much more likely that she is wearing cover-up. Cover-up is what people (usually women) wear to disguise blemishes on their faces. Not to be confused with foundation, which is like cover-up for your entire face!

4.     Cover up (beach)

This is something you wear to the beach to protect your modesty. It is often pastel in color and very flowy, making it the optimal thing to be wearing when walking on the sand while the wind is blowing. If you are desperate, a towel can function as a cover up.

3.     Cover songs

These are really fun! This is when one artist decides to make a version of a song previously recorded by another artist. I especially like it when they only use a little bit of the song they’re covering, like in “Anaconda.” Those are sort of mini-covers–coverlets??

2.     Understudies

When someone is your understudy, they’re also called your cover. If, for some reason (an ailment, a physical injury, a bad case of the Wednesdays), you are unable to perform, they will take your place and do their best to fill your (character!) shoes. We owe a lot to these people.

1.     Crimson Arts Covers

These are thorough, interesting, and generally fun pieces written by Crimson Arts writers, and they are coming to a newsstand and an Internet near you. READ THEM ALWAYS. Especially when they are edited by incoming Covers Executive Adela H. Kim, which they will be next year. What luck!!