The broken record of self-abuse had finally stopped.

Experiences during my time away, both good and bad, convinced me that I was completely worthy of my place at this illustrious institution I had grown to call “home.”  For some, open acknowledgment of the validity of their acceptance could be called arrogance.  For a former anorexic and someone who has continuously struggled with self-destructive insecurity, I call it progress. Humility is vital, but not if it comes at the expense of a sense of self-worth.

Armed with this new balance, I sat down to write the re-re-application essay.

Please understand that going home is not a respite.  Sure, there are fewer all-nighters and it is much easier to sleep on Fridays without “Party Rock Anthem” blaring outside the window. But Harvard students do not set aside everything they have ever worked for in order to relax.  They do so to figure out what is going wrong.

For me, returning to Harvard will be extremely difficult.  There may be mornings when I watch a Lamont sunrise from a third-story window. But I will take an unapologetic swig of mocha and resolutely return to my paper, completely confident in the knowledge that I am more than strong enough—and I have every right—to continue typing.

Students do not go on mental health leave to rest; they leave to return.

Editors’ Note: We made the decision to run this op-ed anonymously due to the private and intensely personal nature of its content. It is our hope that this piece will bring to light issues that affect many members of our community and inform campus-wide conversations on mental health at Harvard.

—Marina N. Bolotnikova and Michael F. Cotter, Editorial Chairs

—Robert S. Samuels, President