Since his inadvertent coming-out, Ivar said that he has been particularly mindful about his presence on social media.
“Now whenever I post stuff like, ‘I’m going to this event,’ or I post, ‘I’m very happy that gay rights is legal here,’ I’ll usually make it visible to certain friends,” Ivar added.
Queer Confidential
Most of the BGLTQ groups on campus have varying forms of privacy clauses in their constitutions that allow students to hide or censor their membership to preserve confidentiality.
“Some [queer groups] are especially focused on being safe spaces where people can kind of explore themselves and come to terms with themselves,” Gofman said. “It’s important that you feel free to have people to talk to without having that go out to the whole world.”
QSA, the largest queer student group on campus, goes to great lengths to ensure students’ privacy by instituting policies regarding posting photos or recording names of members who speak during meetings. They also allow club officers to go by aliases on their website.
“In the end, because it’s such a sensitive topic, I think [confidentiality] is something we always need to take into consideration in everything that we do,” QSA Co-Chair Neimy K. Escobar '15 said.
Though these organizations have taken conscientious measures to preserve confidentiality, concerns about being outed over social media persist, and student group leaders said that they will continue to go to great lengths to ensure that their members feel safe.
“You may not talk to members outside of QSA about queer-related things if you don’t have permission beforehand, because we don’t want to out anyone,” QSA Political Co-Chair W. Powell Eddins '16 said.
Doors Wide Open
Although Ivar and Fred said that their initial experiences of being inadvertently outed were traumatic and stressful, both ultimately embraced their sexuality and reconciled with their families.
Upon the insistence of his stepmother, Fred’s father gradually became more accepting of his son’s sexuality.
“It was a little bit awkward because he makes hard comments sometimes or is completely inappropriate, but for the most part he’s been supportive,” Fred said.
Ivar said that his mother has also “gotten used to” his sexuality. He then later came out to his father, whose initial resistance turned into acceptance over time.
“Maybe it was good that I pressed ‘Attend’ [on that Facebook event] because I found out that even people back home, despite the social stigma of [homosexuality], are really supportive,” Ivar said.
Meanwhile, Harvard administrators have made strides in making the College a welcoming space for queer students. In 2011, the College established the Office of BGLTQ Student Life, which offers more support for queer students by providing queer resources, hosting events, and maintaining a safe space in Boylston Hall. In 2011, the Office of Student Life initiated a pilot program for gender-neutral housing in six undergraduate houses.
Despite the challenges of confronting one’s sexual identity at school, students now said that they feel more comfortable expressing their sexuality and exploring their identities at Harvard.
“Should I not be free to express myself regardless? Back home I can’t do it, but while I’m here I feel I at least should have the opportunity to express myself in a place where it’s permitted,” Ivar said.