“Breaking Bad” creator Vince Gilligan extended the run times of the series’ finale two episodes by almost ten minutes, but that still wasn’t enough time to tie up every loose end. Here are the scenes we would have liked to see in the series finale.
1. Before stopping by the Schwartzes’, Walt tracks down everyone’s favorite Car Wash Ceausescu, Bogdan, and smothers him in his sleep with a crustless ham sandwich.
2. Huell finally gets around to finishing “In Search Of Lost Time” while waiting for Hank and Gomie to come back to the safe house.
3. Sales of pine-scented air fresheners at the A1A Car Wash increase moderately due to their new placement next to the 5 Hour Energy drinks.
4. Lydia, dying of ricin poisoning, decides to make the most of her final hours and arranges a blanket hit on everyone who was involved in making “You Don’t Mess with the Zohan” and “Cars 2.”
5. Walt Jr. discovers that Franch dipping sauce goes really well with bacon.
6. Saul Goodman establishes an experimental bodyguard-comedian trade school in Nebraska.
7. Marie steals the Hope Diamond from the Smithsonian because it’s purple and Hank liked rocks.
8. Twaüghthammer’s long-awaited first album, “Vamonos Pest,” receives a 7.2/10 from Pitchfork’s Ian Cohen in a review that uses the phrases “ambassadors of drudgecore,” “Asher Roth-esque,” and “pursuit of the über-Lacanian.”
9. A fifteen minute shot of Skyler smoking and looking surly.
10. The Albuquerque Journal is forced to print an embarrassing retraction after running the headline “Matt Damon Killed In Gunfight At Neo-Nazi Compound.”
11. Ted Beneke finally completes “Fabrications,” his debut poetry collection that he wrote by strategically arching his right eyebrow at someone repeatedly reading the alphabet.
—Staff writer Will Holub-Moorman is the incoming Campus Arts Executive. He lives at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico 87104. This is his confession. If you’re reading this article, he’s probably dead. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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