Jill says she is fully aware that being submissive to her boyfriend during sex can appear to be anti-feminist. But Jill says she believes her sexual interests have nothing to do with her ideological beliefs or her opinions outside of her sexual interactions.

“The way feminists talk about how consent is really important to sex, well it’s really important to kinky sex too,” Jill says, adding that she considers herself to be a feminist.

Kink sex, for her, is an expression of affection.

“I like being told that I’m a slut or good for nothing but sex...But when you tell me I’m a whore, what you’re really saying is I love you,” she says.

Williams also identifies as a sub and says that being a feminist is having the capability to operate outside individuals’ designated roles in society.

“There’s nothing easy about saying ‘what fulfills me is being submissive,’ but that doesn’t mean I’m submissive to the world,” Williams says.

REMOVING THE TABOO

At the time of the interview Sarah had come back from having sex with her boyfriend in Widener. For her, having sex outside the bedroom, as well as the thrill of potentially being caught made the experience kinky.

She says that having kinky sex increased her confidence because it allowed her to be comfortable owning and articulating her needs and desires.

“There’s also the very straightforward confidence you get from being treated like someone’s sex toy,” she adds. “Being able to turn someone else on in a very primal and objective sense...feels great.”

Members of the kink community say that participating in, and talking about, kinky sex can open up the discussion about sex on campus. In doing so, they say they hope to deconstruct the notion that sex has to proceed in a particular direction.

“Teaching yourself to talk about [variations in sex] can be helpful and meaningful,” Michael says.

At the same time Michael, Jill, and Sarah say they understand that their friends and family may not care to know about their sexual practices. All three asked to remain anonymous to protect their friends, not because they are ashamed.

“Everyone is secretly kinky,” Michael laughs.

—Staff writer Nathalie R. Miraval can be reached at nmiraval@college.harvard.edu