Hannah adds that before arriving at Harvard, she felt ashamed of her sexuality due to the religious teachings of her grandparents and other family members.

In elementary school, Hannah had crushes on other girls, but didn’t talk about it with others because she knew it conflicted with her grandparents’ teachings.

“I became quite religious and I felt awkward within myself,” Hannah says.

Lee says her parents are the only people who reacted negatively when she came out to them. Describing the moment when she told her parents she was a lesbian, Lee remembers that her hands were shaking because she feared their reaction.

“My dad was in denial,” she says.

Lee remembers that her parents would tell her several times, “We don’t believe you’re gay.”

Despite how they act, though, Lee says her family remains important to her.

“I love them more than anything else in the world and I know I always will,” she says.

IT’S PERSONAL

Both Lee and de Sa e Silva say the biggest advantage of coming out at Harvard was the boost in self-confidence.

De Sa e Silva says that coming out allowed him to be less self-conscious than he had been when he was closeted.

“It wasn’t like first I was Philip and then I was gay Philip after that,” he says. “I was just part of me before, and then I came out and I was able to be all of me after.”

Lee says that before coming out, she conformed to gendered ideals. She says social norms dictated what she chose to talk about with her friends, who she chose to dance with at parties, and even the classes in which she chose to enroll.

“I acted the way people wanted me to act,” she says.

After she came out, Lee says she became a more confident person.

“I saw myself more clearly,” she says. “And I took classes I actually liked.”

—Staff writer Eliza M. Nguyen can be reached at enguyen@college.harvard.edu.