They live in your House. They know who you are, where you live, and possibly your name (not a given). They have a title that makes no sense, but that’s Harvard for you. They are your House tutors. They can make your life a lot more difficult, but they can also be pretty legit people. This guide will help you slap a grade on them and figure out if you do indeed have the perfect tutor.

+1 Married with cute kids

-2 Married with a crying baby

+1 Sweet hipster beard

-1 Neck beard

-2 Girl beard (or bearded lady)

+3 “Harvard hot”

-3 Looks like he/she’s from District 9

+1 Has an open door policy

-2 Has an “open your door” policy

+2 Worked in the White House

-3 Always reminds you that he/she worked in the White House

+2 Checks in once a month

-4 Checks in twice a party

+5 Has no idea what a party form is

-9 Is the one person at Harvard who cares about the drinking age

+2 Other floor

-3 Next door

+35 Is R.J. Jenkins

The Curve:

15-52: Legit

1-14: B+0 & Below: Academically Ineligible