Associate Editorial Chair
Walmart’s defeat in California won’t deter it from conquering Cambridge. Students won’t mind the 225,000 sq. ft. Supercenter since they’ll finally have the opportunity to buy censored CDs and get carded for R-rated movies.
Simon W. Vozick-Levinson ’06
Associate Editorial Chair
In an edge-of-your-decanal-seat TV sequel this fall, Donald Trump will pick next season’s “Apprentice” from among the deanlets of University Hall, letting undergraduates learn at last which second-tier administrator can sell the most “lemonade” at Harvard-Yale.
Erol N. Gulay ’05
Guest Predictor: Editorial Editor
Unable to quell a general Shiite uprising, the U.S. will begin to use more brutal and violent tactics, and solicit the advice of an expert in Shiite subjugation, Saddam Hussein.