Somewhere in heaven...

God: I’m so bored.

Ted Williams: I know, me too. And cold.

God: At least you’ve been in the news recently. I haven’t been thanked in weeks. This time of year sucks. No sports going on, at all. Where’s the love? In June, I’ve got basketball players thanking me for NBA championships, NFL players thanking me for enlightening them on which team to choose in free agency, baseball players thanking me for All-Star selections...

Gordie Howe: Don’t forget hockey...

God: Oh right, (cough), hockey...Yes, the NHL...I don’t receive much thanks from the NHL...perhaps because I never watch. In fact, Gordie, you shouldn’t be here because you’re not dead yet. The only reason you’re in this column is that you were the only old hockey player I knew.

Howe: I knew this didn’t look like my bedroom...

God: Anyway, guys, I don’t know what to do. What did y’all do to pass the time during these ‘dead-zone’ weeks? My fantasy baseball draft doesn’t happen until mid-March and there’s only so many times I can make Kobe Bryant score 40 points before I get bored with his silky-smooth style and extreme arrogance. Plus, March Madness is still three weeks away! Is Dr. Kevorkian dead yet? Maybe he can help me...

Mickey Mantle: One word, Lord: alcohol.

God: But there’s got to be some sporting event that can amuse me. I mean, come on—you can’t expect me to watch the NHL.

Howe: Hey! Lay off the NHL.

God: Back you go, Gordie...(Howe instantly disappears in a cloud of smoke. A quiet “thud” is heard in the distance).

Hobey Baker: If I may say something, All Mighty One?

God: Yes, Hobey?

Baker: If you turn your attention to college hockey, you may find some events of particular interest. In particular, the Harvard women’s hockey team is ranked number one in the nation. And I know how much You like Harvard...