MALEVOLENT: Evil Master, is it thou?

SUMMERS: (overheard by audience) Sure is. You know, the power of the proletarian masses turned me towards the political light. I’ve been born again, I tell you. Once was lost but now I’m found, blind but now I see, yada yada yada. Made nice with Cornel West, joined the Green Party and whatnot. Listen, let’s give the janitors $11.35 an hour. Can I get an amen?

MALEVOLENT: No...it can’t be...(drops phone and shrivels up on the floor.) I’m melting! I’m melting!

EXPLOITED: An additional 35 cents an hour for janitors: this, my friend, is a great day.

STEVENS: Oh no it isn’t. You should have pressed for at least $14. Let’s go break some laws.

[Ghost of Karl Marx appears, levitating near the ceiling.]

GHOST: Go ye, therefore, causing chaos and lawlessness in my name. My blessing be upon you. Amen.

Jason L. Steorts ’01-’03 is a philosophy concentrator in Dunster House. His column appears on alternate Fridays.